hehehe

You have got to realize that I write what comes to my head, so I don't actually "edit" what I write. I don't go back to what I've written before and add or subtract anything. Everything and anything just kinda flows through naturally.

So am I in a homicidal mood right now?

Not too much, though I did have a very clear vision of what I would like to do to someone. Very visual, very real, as it were. I never did realize how... gratifying it is to eliminate the source of your problems... Even if it's just a sort of vision thing.


Osaka Gaidai really sounds like a good plan right now... Damn, but I need ideas.

Geisha... okay, got a distinct possibility, but as Osaka Gaidai is a Linguistic kind of institution... you get the picture.

Damn.


Oh yeah, I was re-reading what I wrote before... I have just come to that bloody conclusion. This is my own bloody space in the Net. People can come and read of my thoughts, yes. Heck, I might publish one of my stories here! But that's not the point. The point is, as my friend who's in twinflamemddomain.blogspot.com (hehehe see how I can sneak that in?) said, this blog is my space, so I can do just about anything here.

Anything within reason, and I do believe that cursing is within reason as it can release some of the tension within.

Bloody hell, I forgot what I was supposed to write next in conjunction to that above...! Hell.


Anyway, I just got to thinking about that SARS thing -- Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome -- or something to that effect. I heard from someone that it's actually now the C-something-virus Pneumonia. Damn, I can't believe I forgot the name, and I was so happy since they now know the virus so they could find the cure right?

So anyway, everytime that someone sneezes in this house, I automatically go for my shirt and cover my nose. I don't bloody want to catch ANY virus. Damn, but if I catch that C-virus thingamajig...

eew. I gotta stay in a hospital. Sick people. Disinfectant. Airborne viruses. Death.

hehehe *sweatdrop* Eew.


Osaka Gaidai...


Oh yeah, now I remember.

If you, yes, anyone of you who happen to pass by and read this blog of mine, if you can't deal with what I'm writing, then get the hell out. There are other blogs you can read. Vamoose! Shoo!

I just have to remind myself that I'm doing this for me, and not for anyone else. I'm writing down my thoughts because, as I think one of the school shrinks said, it's a kind of cleansing for the mind and body. Get rid of the toxins and you can get healthy right?

Okay, so I'm doing this for me. I don't bloody care what you readers bloody think.

And she said if I wanted I could add a tag board so this could be interactive. At first, I was like, okay, how do I put that in?

But now, my thinking is, why the hell do I want to put that tag board in? Do I really want this blog to be interactive? Honestly, not too much. Do you want other people to read your journal and then comment?

It's like the same for me when I write stories. Sure I submit stories at fanfiction.net, heck, I'm planning on submitting Illusion at fictionpress.net (darn, is that the right URL?). I may put in the notes that I want my readers to review, but I don't put in that reviewing is a prerequisite for me to add another chapter. It's a good feeling when I see that I have reviewers, especially when they tell me they like what they're reading and all that; but I don't necessarily *crave* for reviews. I write when I want, what I want, how I want...

If anyone would like to comment on what I've written, there's a link at the top of the page [contact] and my email address is there. Heck, if you're too lazy to point your mouse to see what my address is, here it is: ana_barton@yahoo.com

Damn, but I'm just making this easy on you, ne?


Oh man... I just remembered. I'm remembering a lot of stuff today, ne?

Anyway, I finished a Harry Potter fanfic! As with my first ever published fanfic, it's a songfic. The song? Out of my League by Stephen Speaks. hehehe It was quite funny, how it came about. I'm all for the Harry/Hermione pairing so I have some stories in my hard drive that I just read again and again, especially when I need my happy fix.

Okay so I'm a sucker for the romance, but can you blame me when akscully writes it so well?! I'm not sure if akscully is a male or a female though. Nevermind that. Just bear in mind that its been a long time since I actually enjoyed and had fun reading stories.

So anyway, about my story. I was re-reading Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban and the song came on the radio. I was like, that'll be so perfect for a story! So I was semi-frantic when I searched my files, since I kinda remembered that I have a copy of the song. And there it was, and I was off, writing the story.

Did I mention that I just adore Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter? I know he's been in other films before -- I think I saw that one on Copperfield, but I'm not too sure -- but he'll be more recognizable now as Harry Potter. Makes me wanna look for his other films so I can see how he's grown up so far.

See? There's an addition to my birthday wish list already! Well, several additions... VCDs of Daniel Radcliffe's past movies, Harry Potter pillows and other merchandise.

I'm not seeing myself getting out of my Harry Potter addiction any time soon. Unless I suddenly develop an interest in something else.

Right, Osaka Gaidai...

ARGH!! I need to think...!


Seriousness has never sat well with me. The times I try to be serious, I crack up. Because I know that's not how I am.

I'm not serious.

Well, serious about some things but not serious serious -- no fun, no smile -- that kind of thing. I'm not that serious serious.

See, I really think I haven't matured that well as yet. Sometimes I feel like a twelve year old, never my age. It's too tedious to be my age, but what can I do but try? And get depressed in the process coz I can't.

Hell.


Wouldn't it be nice if I could just close my eyes and drift off to my own reality and never come back to this one? *sigh* That'll be just like heaven. No worries, no nothing...

Comatose, yeah, but so what? Lose weight too.

Reminds me of this Buffy episode I just watched. Oh yeah, it's kinda funny that Saint had a dream about Angel when she has said that she doesn't follow that series, and here I am an avid Buffy and Angel follower and neither has even graced my dreams with their presence.

I did have a vampire dream before... Let's see... I know I wrote it down somewhere, but it goes something like, there's a Changing Ceremony going on in my own house -- vampires changing people into bloodsuckers like them. And the head vampire honcho was doing it. I was next in line, and the vampire had just drank half of my blood when the Slayers came -- the usual Vampire Slayers, not Buffy thought -- and he had the door to the room where the ceremony was taking place in locked.

He hurriedly drank the rest of my blood and had me drink his blood so the change could take place. There are some details here that were supposed to be interesting but I can't remember it right now and I'm too lazy to look for my written copy among my things so there.

But the slayers were knocking down the door and then they were there. My Sire -- coz that's how the "parents" of vampires are called -- pushed me away, out of the room and he took on the slayers by himself. I'm so weak, coz the change is just happening; it's not instant, you know. But the othe vampires come get me and we escape, leaving our Sire.

Groggy but alive.


Moonchild.

Oh bloody double damnation...

I forgot to watch Moonchild when it was shown! I didn't eat dinner that night, so I was just shut up in my room, writing and reading and stuff, and I completely forgot about it! Damn I hate myself!

And Gackt looked so delicious in that movie! Hyde too! Two absolutely "pretty" delicious bishounen in one movie and I didn't watch! How stupid is that?!

So now I have to add to my birthday wish list, a VCD of the Moonchild movie, subtitled of course.

Now I put in my reminder that Oprah episode when that cast of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secret is on. Can't be too careful; don't wanna miss Daniel Radcliffe's TV guesting, though I'm not too sure if he's there since when the trailer showed, I only saw Emma Watson and Rupert Grint.


Just had dinner.

It must be a pretty lonely existence, when no one wants you around. Nobody called her for dinner, but it was dinnertime and my other siblings and I went to the table and she just kept on reading. Whose fault is that? And she made a snack earlier, don't know if she ate it or not or if she made it for me or what. What is this woo the baby?

I don't talk to her that much nowadays; I much prefer to solitude of my room and my books. I don't come down to the main living area as well, if my other siblings aren't there. I don't make conversation with her, and her attempts at conversation with me were usually answered with monosyllables.

Maybe Feifu's been rubbing off on me, but there are some twinges of guilt going on.

Hell, me? Guilt feelings? Blegh...

Hell on the image.

Scrap that.


And another thing. I sometimes find myself close to uttering Carlos's name -- the first syllable's usually out -- just when I'm about to wake up? Gods, think I'm obssessed with him?

Oh crud, does he know about my blog? Think, I haven't given the URL to anyone who can possibly give it to him, right? Besides, why would he want to go to my blog right? After that whole texting episode, which I still cringe to think about and here for the record I am pleading temporary insanity for that, I don't think so.

He may not remember it but I do and I cringe. I'm trying to forget and I am forgetting it but there are moments when I still remember bits and pieces about it.

Gods...!

Right, no one who knows him knows this URL, right? Right. Right. I just have to keep saying that, and I am not going to write about the text.

So cool, he's handsome and brainy, taller than me, a veritable recipe for what I want in a guy, so what, right?

Right.

Did I mention that he has a girlfriend, as of last time I texted him? Right.

And sometimes it's not Carlos but someone else but I'm not writing the name for the simple reason that there are people who could read this who knows him. Gods, just writing that and they know who I'm talking about. Guys, just don't tell him alright?

He's kinda similar to Carlos but not quite; they're both brainy though.

Don't know if this latter guy has a girlfriend. He probably has one. Or two.

Never mind me, I'm blabbering.


So why do I like reading fanfics and stories? Maybe coz I hate my life and want to escape to another world where there's only good things happening... Well, bad things also happen but the characters all seem to get a handle on it and at the end of the day, everyone's happy and well satisfied with their lives.

Finding satisfaction in my current life is like a constant walk through an endless tunnel without a light. Life ain't pretty and the option to transfer to that other dimension is very tempting... Very tempting indeed...