All of us are playing roles.

That may not say much as a statement, but it's nevertheless true. Take me as an example.

First off, I have the role of daughter to play, but as both my parents are dead, that's kind of not much of an issue right now. But I still have to portray the role to other people. They have to see what kind of daughter I've turned out to be.

Then there's the role of sister that I have to contend with. It ain't easy being the youngest, that's for damned sure, but that's how the cards were dealt. And there are different levels to being a sister in relation to which sister or brother you're relating with. You can be the cute, bubbly sister to one but you have to be the disillusioned to the other. It's funny how one can juggle these numerous sub-roles, but it's second nature to me now. Then again, I've simplified the roles.

Then there's the role of the blood relative - the Aunt, the Cousin, the Niece, all that stuff - and I have a number of relations. But hey, all I have to do is smile, nod, and excuse myself to go somewhere else. Easy, but sometimes they expect certain attitudes, that, well, the devil in me wants to oblige. Like being a snob. I'm good at that. But I can't play that one anymore; I have to be this lady nowadays.

Blegh. It's not like being a lady is doing anything for me. But maybe it's because the others and I've been used to the me not being such a lady and just being one of the crowd. There's nothing wrong with trying to be a lady; it's just so damned difficult to maintain the illusion sometimes.

My back aches. Gods, I don't like commuting. I wish I had a car to drive. That means... oh well... Rant all I want, it's not like anyone of the powers that be are listening, bloody hell to all of them.

I want to write a Harry Potter fanfiction. I have to read the four books all over again, and this time I gotta remember stuff... like spells and curses and enchantments... sheesh, I don't want to go into Snape's dungeon room. Creepy. He can scare the living daylights out of me. He's the professor I never want to have, ever.

Sometimes I feel so trapped in all the preconceived notions that everyone may/have of me. Wow, that's kinda pompous of me to say that; like everyone's wracking their brains about me. But heck, it's there. So when I act out of the character that they want me to be, it's confusion time.

Oh well... maybe that's thinking too much of myself.


Wouldn't it be nice if all that I wanted came true? I'd want a winning Lotto ticket; lotsa stuff to spend that on, and I won't bore you all with that.

Then I can do what I want!! ^___^

Come to think of it, I have to think up a study that can only be conducted in Japan so I can get the bloody scholarship...! I have no ideas! I've been so out of touch with reality lately that it's difficult to think. I prefer dreaming... Hmmm...

Leave me be! Argh! I have to concentrate! I have to think!

And this is how some people see me - panicker to the max. It's fun to oblige, then you gotta burst the bubble and let it float down.

I want to go back to school. At least I'm doing something constructive, not lazing about. Since when did I care about that? Oh yeah, since I started wanting my own space.

Bloody inconsiderate if you ask me...


BLUE's concert is at the end of the month and I haven't entered the contest! Sheesh! It's Favourite Pop Act. What will be, will be. I think I'll just wait if they're gonna release a special edition CD like in the first album. I could do with a dose of Duncan right about now. Lee couldn't hurt, even Simon... but Anthony? Sorry man, but something about you just ticks me off. I mean, I haven't met you personally so maybe I have no right to say that but seeing you in the videos... Sorry.


I just got me 2 new wall scrolls - Slam Dunk's Rukawa and an RK one with all of the characters with a smattering of YuYu Hakusho thrown in. Don't ask me why Kurama and the others are there; they just are. One measly picture of Saitou and that kid what's-his-name Okita, I think. Not even a sketch of Tokio. But Kenji's there.

I was planning on getting CC10 but it's not available yet. Seems like the whole staff are in Japan for a Toy Fair and some R&R. That doesn't mean that I am not impatient to see what's going to happen to Jed.

hehehe Viktor Krum... poor guy, to have been made a puppet like that by one of the Dark Eaters of Voldemort... hmm... that's an idea... you're in it, poor guy. *sigh* the things I do to characters I like. But you ain't gonna be the main character; I don't know you enough to do that. Maybe when I do...

So when's book 5 coming out?! That fake book in China's doing good when it came out. If I could only read Chinese... Now that's some ambition, considering there are a number of dialects that one has to master to be able to communicate properly. And the accents!

Japanese is easier, compared to Chinese, but they still have a lot of characters to remember.

Voldemort has risen. Praise to the Dark Lord and all that.

I gotta get my TOR evaluated. Maybe I could just enroll in that summer workshop for scriptwriting...

I want to do a lot of things, and I know for sure that I'm not going to be able to accomplish all of them, mainly because... yeah well, you know me... Strategic retreat is always best.

I want it to be May already, so Wena can be here and maybe we can have some decent catching up. It just ain't enough with the emails and even regular mail. Not that we've been doing much of the latter the past few years.


So who are we really? Which role is the real us?

You can always say it's the amalgam that's real, and all are just facets of it.

Safe answer.

Boo.