Argh!

So, I just had my transcript evaluated -- 15 subjects were credited. If I really wanted, I could have signed up for the summer classes so I'll just have a year to get all the other subjects out of the way, then I'll have 2 whole years -- including 2 summers -- to really specialize. Did I mention that this is the BS Nursing course?

Blegh, I can't imagine myself in white.

I did wear a white uniform at one point, but that was my high school uniform. And let me tell you, it ain't easy keeping that dress clean as the first moment you put it on in the morning.

So at this school... Of course I had no idea where the buildings, the offices, heck what the names the buildings were for that matter. So I went around. Man, I don't like the lay out of the campus. Or maybe that's just coz there was a construction going on inside the campus.

And get this... English 1 and 2 got credited but I still have to take Remedial English (English +)...?!?! What's up with that?! Math 1 I gotta take coz well, my Math subjects weren't exactly College Algebra coz I took up Trigonometry and Calculus and all that higher Math stuff.


hehehe was just answering a friend's email. I must admit I was a bit put off with her when we texted each other before. It was something in her tone... I don't know if you could actually discern a tone from a text, but it was definitely put-offing the way she phrased it. Like hell! He's my blockmate, my friend. I'm not laying claim to him like that, but: "Yeah, I know him. He's my best friend."

Okay... he's your best friend...

Blegh, can't articulate it very well here. Let's just leave it that I got pissed off with her, and I think it translated well into my reply text. So here she is now, emailing me; I replied, and I hope this'll settle it. Coz she's a classmate and a friend from high school and she's probably the only one that I communicate with somewhat regularly; the others all have their lives to live.

One of them's about to graduate from Law School. I think. I'm not sure what year he's in right now.


I need some officey clothes. Note: Tin made that word up, I don't know if there actually is a word like that, but there you go. Officey = relating to office wear.

So I was just looking through my wardrobe. Damn, I don't have a lot of clothes.

The thing to do is to say "No." Simple enough, yes?

Not so in my case. I have to have a very valid reason to say "No." AND I CAN'T FREAKING FIND ONE!!


Okay, on to more happy news...

Uhm... There hasn't been a nuclear explosion yet...? I don't know... Once I get started on the bad vibes kind of thing for ranting, it's kinda difficult to go the other way. I can't find any happier news to write about.

Well, okay, so I'm planning on starting a Brendan Fraser movie collection -- which I started with The Mummy and The Mummy Returns -- but that's all. I was supposed to get BLUE's second album but... *shrug* it all went down to numbers. How many can I get for the least amount? And the VCDs were on sale, but the audio CDs that I wanted weren't. But I'll get them some other day, one way or another.

So what else is new...

Oh yeah, I hate this computer. But that ain't special news to anyone out there who has a dinosaur for a computer...!

Okay, goal number one, get a freaking job.

Goal number two, get my own place, my own apartment, my own pad, my own space = independence.

Goal number three, get my own computer so I can do what I want with it and not have to answer to at least two other people.

Goal number four, get a guy who'll do anything and everything for me. Okay... that was weird and a tad too much. Just a guy, then, that I can stand to be with. As a special concession to my friends, who they can stand as well, and who's not intimidated by me, as they have said before that I can be intimidating and that guys are intimidated.

Sheesh.

Goal number five, get the whole Harry Potter collection of books and movies and other stuff, i.e. toys and opther merchandising things they've thought up. I just remembered, I want the pillow collection. I could always do with more pillows ^__^

Goal number six, start on a CD collection of everything that I've ever wanted to have.

Damn, but I sound so... materialistic! Ain't life grand...!

Goal number seven, learn how to swim and to ride a bike and to hang glide and to surf and to drive and to bungee jump... Okay, so it's more of conquering some of my fears. Hey, all it takes is a bit of gutsy attitude and a great life and health insurance, and you got it made! I did do that bit of snorkeling, right? So maybe as an addendum to that, I could learn how to dive.

Goal number eight, get a car and if I still don't know how to drive and I don't have a license, get a driver to go with the car.

Goal number nine, follows number two -- buy a house. It's gonna be my own house, not anybody else's.

Greedy little bugger ain't we?

Goal number ten, be miserably happy.

And it all started with the computer...


You see, Doc, no matter how many times you've heard it from other people, everyone has their own different takes in life. So don't adopt that frigging high and mighty attitude with me or I just might smack you down your ass.

Now I don't think it matters if you've heard it once or a million times -- never mind what Dobby said -- but a violent threat can get one's attention and maybe even stun the living daylights out of you.

So we're back to being violent, are we...?

And with good reason!

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Never give out your name, your identity.

My allegiance is to my own self.

To serve two masters is a folly.

Good things come to those who wait; or to those who make a grab for it.

Age is but a number that limits you to it.

So therefore... make up your minds. It's not an easy path to find your way but it's pretty much smooth roads all the way when you do. Just make sure you don't have blinders on.

Rambling is good. Clears the ears and the mind. I think I'll write some later today, if I don't get pissed off. Which is kinda asking a lot since I almost always get pissed off on a daily basis. I dare not say hourly coz that will be just pathetic.

No, Doc, I don't need therapy. Been there done that. Shrinks are just overpaid sounding boards with a fancy title from a fancy dandy school.

Imagine the irony if I end up with a shrink.

Do I have friends who're shrinks? Hmm.. Gotta think about that one.


If I think about something for far too long -- which is like an hour or less -- especially if I want that something, it never happens. I don't get that something. It's a kind of a jinx. So it'll be better for me if I don't think at all. Now that'll be a relief. Just release all your cares...

Blast-end Skewts.

Oh dear... I just got off the phone with that friend of my brother's who was willing to sponsor me to study again... Man, am I good or am I good?! hehehe I haven't been checking out schools as she told me to -- a friend of mine who's studying in the school that I'm targeting told me that this week is the best time to get evaluated so I'm thinking of doing that sometime this week, though not tomorrow coz I'm going somewhere else. And I just said that I've been sick. Which is true! I don't do outright lies, just little itty bitty white ones that are usually to my advantage.


So, let me tell you about my snorkeling adventure.

I went to the beach with my brother, his family, and his in-laws. So I met up with the rest of the family again... I went snorkeling FOR THE FIRST TIME with my sister-in-law's brother's wife. Yeah, that sounds about right.

And I don't know how to swim very well. Scratch that, I can't swim.

My first time out, I stuck real close to the reefs that was closer to the shore compared to where she went first. But I soon found myself in the same area with some foreign nationals, Koreans actually. I thought they were Japanese at first, but I soon heard them speak and they were Koreans. And they didn't respond to my greeting, so there.

It was way cool. There was this fish that I went after -- it was a fairly small fish black with a single yellow stripe near its head -- and it kept loosing me in the reefs. Darn it.

Then there was this fish that looked like a piece of the reef that I almost touched. I backed out real quick coz it looked real not good for me if it happened to be poisonous.

I also saw a crab. Well, two, but the first one was just a piece of big leaf that I mistook for a crab. But the other one was genuine coz it was moving its pincers.

If it hadn't been so windy, I would have probably braved the path the other guys took -- well around the reefs to the other side where my nephew saw a shark ^___^;; Well, kinda. He was with his uncle -- the one who's my age -- and he said he was pointing the shark out to our nephew but he couldn't see it. But it was there, or so they said.

My next ventures, I stuck close to the shore coz it was so windy that I had no choice. I'm not much of a strong swimmer -- considering that I am not a swimmer -- so I basically went where the waves pushed me to. But I did fight, especially when I saw the silvery fishes, large ones compared to the small ones before. But as usual, they left me for the reefs.

So I am now burnt, not to a crisp though it was a close enough call that I don't want to be out in the sun for the next few days. My shoulders hurt because of the sunburn, and my muscles were protesting because of the strain. But it's cool ^__^


Oh yeah.

There's been a blow-up in our house. I knew it was too good to be true, the seeming peace in the household. So what else is new?

My two sisters had a shouting match about who's going to sleep where. Damn but it was stupid, from both sides. I can't take sides coz "she's the youngest so she shouldn't know about such things." That's a load of bull.

Why can't I just...

Okay, repressing it ain't healthy. So why the hell can't I just bang their heads together so I can have some peace and quiet in which ti read?!

Now that's another argument for me to get out of here.

I'm not too keen on the idea of jumping in the middle of the fight, mainly because... well, they're grown up adults who should know how to share and play nice in the playpen. Or they should be. But what do I know, right? I'm the youngest so I shouldn't be bothered by it. Damn them.


Yeesh...

I thought I had that Harry Potter fanfic down, the one about Harry and Hermione, but Bill Weasley's been in my mind lately. He seems to be a cool character. I don't know much about him, excepting that he's the firstborn of Arthur and Molly Weasley and that he works as a charm breaker for Gringott's Bank in Egypt and he was Head Boy when he was in Hogwarts, so I'm gonna make up some information about him. For one thing, I don't know how old he is and what subjects he took up aside from the usual at Hogwarts...

Here's a little snippet of what I've been writing. It's basically about Bill and some girl (duh, of course a romance! I don't want to delve into the whole Harry Potter Universe just yet -- I'll do that with the Harry and Hermione fanfic).


Disclaimers: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters -- J.K. Rowling does -- but I can lay claim to the new character and the story line.


"You?!"

"What're you doing here?!"

"Oh shit, I forgot! You're Arthur Weasley's son!"

Bill Weasley frowned. He couldn't have asked for a more unwelcome and unwanted visitor when he was home at the Burrow. Standing at the door was none other than his least favorite person, the bane of his Hogwarts years -- Miss Jacinth Bones-Bryant.

He narrowed his eyes at her and looked her over. She was still the same as he remembered from their years together at school -- that single thick plait of black hair up to her waist, those eyes glaring furiously up at him, that upturned patrician nose, those lovely pink lips...

Bill shook his head to rid himself of that particularly dangerous train of thought. "What're you doing here?"

She sniffed and took a discreet step back to better look him in the eye without craning her neck too much. "I have business with your father," she replied rather stiffly.

"What about?" he asked suspiciously.

Her blue eyes flared even more. "That's between your father and I. Is he in?"

"No so go away."

"Really Bill, such tone of voice..." Mrs. Weasley commented reprovingly. She looked from her son to the female guest who was looking for her husband.

"Mrs. Weasley?"

"I'm sorry dear, but Arthur isn't home just yet," Mrs. Weasley said kindly.

"Oh..."

"And you are?"

"My name's--"

"A major menace," Bill put in audibly from the sidelines.

"You are such a child Weasley," she retorted.

"Oh yeah? Who tried to kill me in Defense classes?"

She glared. "That was an accident, and we were told to do anything to disarm!"

"Now children..." Mrs. Weasley stepped in between them and glared at them severely. She was about to speak but there was a soft pop sound somewhere in the living room followed by her husband's call.

"Coming, Arthur!" she called out. She beckoned the guest inside. "Wait here, dear."

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley."


Now this story is set sometime during the last years of Harry's in Hogwarts, don't know if he's in the sixth or seventh year, so don't be bothered by it. If my calculations and understanding of the books are correct Charlie Weasley should be about 24 or something like that during Book 1; since Bill's the oldest, he should be about 26. So he should be around his early 30s -- 32 or 33 -- in this story line.

Their ages is something that I want to find out. How old were James and Lily when they got married? Were they in the same class, the same year, in Hogwarts? What's Lily's last name? In the fanfics that I've read, it's said that she was Lily Evans before she became Lily Potter; is that true?

I did some numbers on Hagrid. He was on his third year when he was expelled, so he was around 13, right? But that was 50 years ago so he's around 63 during Book 2, right? If he's that old, how old is Dumbledore?!

The problems that swirl around in my head...


A friend of mine from high school called the other day. We got to talking about our classmates, our batchmates and what they've been up to since college. I just discovered that one of our number -- one of us in the barkada, in the group -- is getting married next week! Sheesh, it's been so long since we last saw each other, people are getting married and having kids. But us... well, we're doing alright so far.

The high school ML that got started was really a big help since we could catch up with each other and plan to have meets and stuff like that.

My college block has an ML, but I haven't been invited tp join in. Maybe that's because they don't know my email address or because it's composed mainly of people who have stuck together for the five years that was supposed to be our college life.

If I had stuck it out, those five years... I wouldn't be who I am today. I'll be a completely different person. I don't know who or how I'll be, but definitely different. Good or bad, I'm not sure. It depends on from which perspective you're coming at it.


Damn, I can't get online. I know my card's new; I've only used this card once! It's not even 60 days since I used it last! Dangnabit! Screw them!

It's not bloody fair! Who the freaking hell used my bloody account?!

Damn, I still have to censure myself out here...


So who's afraid of the big bag boggart?

Speaking of my high school... my friend and I were just about to talk about, well, HIM, the love of my high school life that carried onto college and even now still after college. That kind of thing... He's a genius by the way. Well, in high school; since we didn't go to the same college, I wouldn't know his academic standing there. But I saw him just once during college, and we were on the same bus on the way home for the weekend.

Damn but did he get BIG.

So anyway, we got to the part where she saw him in our high school when she dropped by for a visit. She was sure it was him. But man, she said he was BIG. Though he did pass his board exams. So CONGRATULATIONS!!

I don't know his ranking *sweatdrop*

Another classmate took review classes with him, though I couldn't ask her about him specifically coz there were other people listening in. Dang.


Then there was this other issue that I think they almost had another shouting match. Good thing I was still asleep! There was a CD missing, and they couldn't pinpoint where it was seen last. So the conversation ball went from here to there somewhere that had something to do with that blasted inconsiderate creepy... ehrm... *ahem* "friend" of hers. There was a furious whispered conference with me and all that jazz... I want to shoot them both in the head!

It turned out the CD was with my nephew's best friend. I know I didn't lend it to him, mainly coz I was the one who borrowed two of his CDs. I knew I gave them back to him, and only them. Or so I remember. But this is my nephew's best friend, and I like the kid.

Of all the roles that I hate to play, it has to be the role of the youngest sister to a particular sibling. All of my siblings are different, of course, and thus I have to modify my roles to each of them. Well, this particular one "demands" that I always be on this one's side.

Sheesh.

I have to be the one to be able to understand, tolerate, and all that shitty martyr-type qualities.

I don't like that. I'm not a martyr people!

And when I stray from that path, it's like everything's my fault! God damn it all to hell and back the frigid waters of Styx!

So okay, to keep the peace I still find myself being the martyr, just grin and take it.

Damn, I hate it.

Hmm... then I guess my previous statement could be false - I am a martyr.

Damn!

Argh!

Gotta kill myself!


So obviously I haven't killed myself yet, but maybe this flu/pneumonia virus would! ^__^ That'd be great!

hehehe I kinda find this blog thing fun, if not therapeutic; kinda like when I had to visit one of the school shrinks. But that was academic stuff; I couldn't really tell any of them anything - I'd probably end up in an institution. Then again, everyone goes through this stage, right?

Like wanting to get the hell out of one's skin? Mind you, peeling skin is painful. Been there, done that.


Darn, I can't kill myself yet; I just remembered. I have a lot of stories I want to write and am still writing, foremost of them being Illusion and some Harry Potter ones that're just up in my head for the moment. Of course hehehe I'm going for the Harry and Hermione pairing, so sorry to all those Ron and Hermione supporters (bii-dah!) me bad, but hey, that's how I want it.

Then of course, I absolutely have to have James and Lily, Arthur and Molly, and Remus and someone... don't know who. Maybe me? ^_____^ I just love that werewolf!

Been reading some fanfics about the Marauders and how they interact so maybe I could write one as well...? Sirius is almost always the one with the prank ideas with James, Remus is the quiet, reserved one, and Peter... well... he's Wormtail ^__^;; Kinda reminds me of Neville gone bad actually.

About the Harry and Hermione angle... I haven't actually read anything about Hermione being on a broom or how she is with it, except that bit in Book 1 wherein she flew to get that flying key. By the way, I found a key somewhat similar to those keys, somewhere among my brothers' things. Quite neat. I'm gonna wear it as a necklace one of these days, as soon as I find a good enough and matching chain or leather string for it. It depends. I think I could use the metal chain...

Anyway, about the Harry and Hermione angle... the broom and flying thing... I want to center the romance right about there. I could just see it, Harry letting Hermione use his Firebolt to learn to fly properly. I don't think she could practice during the summer break.

Then there's Bill Weasley, the, curse breaker I think is the term, for Gringotts. As J.K. Rowlings described him, he's cool. ^___^ Charlie's okay too but I don't know too much about dragons so... I could tackle Egypt better.


Anyway...

CSI rocks!


And get this, I'd managed to make a list of 10 things to do for a perfect murder, as compiled through the numerous mystery/suspense books I've read, not counting Clancy and Sanders and those military books that I've read as well. Gods, I'm evil.

Even when there supposedly any sort of a perfect murder because ultimately the perp almost always leaves something at the scene for the investigators to find. A bit of fabric, thread, anything that they almost always traces back to the perp. Kinda stupid. Especially the ones who just have to come back to the scene and gloat.

Then of course, they have to brag. Can't say I blame them; humans do have that tendency to be a social being. A real sociopath and psychopath would be a real find. No conscience whatsoever, just a clear path in his mind to the goal.

hehehe

Gotta get rid of all these negative energies stored up inside, if I wanna make a go of getting better. I'm still sick, but I'm "happy" to report that I could breathe properly last night so no problems there darn it.


On a happier note, my sister-in-law just called and invited me to an outing to the beach next week. Yay! Gonna be able to get out of the house! Thing is, it's with her side of the family - her parents, her siblings, their families. She has a brother, their youngest like me, who's my age and we haven't seen each other in a long time. I always thought we'd get along well, mainly because of our ages and both being the youngest in the family hehehe maybe we can even cook up some fun and mayhem! A partner in crime... could be... we'll see..


There are probably people from the Intelligence Community who're monitoring, or who have these ultra high tech software that they could just search for words that are way implicating... ^__^ They'll probably think one thing or another and I'll probably end up as an "enemy of the state" or something like that.

But I'm not.

I may not like some of the policies but I'm not one of their bad guys. For one thing, I'm a female ^__^ For another thing, I could hardly be bothered by stuff, why the heck should I add another headache to my own head?

I should stop before I bury myself further, and find myself in a Federal Prison.

Hmph.

Yay!

I'm sick.

Not really sick, but sick nonetheless... I probably have the flu or some such virus, a runny nose that's all the way to Wales and back again. I couldn't breath last night so... I was kinda hoping I caught that bug from HongKong, the one that's been really on the rampage? They say it's a new form of pneumonia. But I haven't got a fever. Yet.

So what else is new?

My sister came home last night, and man, did the atmosphere change. While as before it was all calm and peaceful and stuff like that, today it's more of stiff and the "I-don't-wanna-breath-wrong" kinda thing. But it could just be me coz I really didn't like what she's been saying before.

Like, the main reason I want to get my own place in the Metro area is so that I could be without their immediate area? Like, I don't wanna spend the rest of my life in the same place as them; that'll be like cutting my own neck with a really sharp knife. Not that I've tried that; just the cutter to my wrist ^__^

And she goes and says that if and when I find a place, she's gonna be living with me? That hell she thinks that'll happen?! F^<& that! She has that "friend" of hers, she stay there...!

I got my own life to live! But heck, I sometimes get the feeling that she wants to live my life her way. Gods, how creepyzoidian is that?!

All of us are playing roles.

That may not say much as a statement, but it's nevertheless true. Take me as an example.

First off, I have the role of daughter to play, but as both my parents are dead, that's kind of not much of an issue right now. But I still have to portray the role to other people. They have to see what kind of daughter I've turned out to be.

Then there's the role of sister that I have to contend with. It ain't easy being the youngest, that's for damned sure, but that's how the cards were dealt. And there are different levels to being a sister in relation to which sister or brother you're relating with. You can be the cute, bubbly sister to one but you have to be the disillusioned to the other. It's funny how one can juggle these numerous sub-roles, but it's second nature to me now. Then again, I've simplified the roles.

Then there's the role of the blood relative - the Aunt, the Cousin, the Niece, all that stuff - and I have a number of relations. But hey, all I have to do is smile, nod, and excuse myself to go somewhere else. Easy, but sometimes they expect certain attitudes, that, well, the devil in me wants to oblige. Like being a snob. I'm good at that. But I can't play that one anymore; I have to be this lady nowadays.

Blegh. It's not like being a lady is doing anything for me. But maybe it's because the others and I've been used to the me not being such a lady and just being one of the crowd. There's nothing wrong with trying to be a lady; it's just so damned difficult to maintain the illusion sometimes.

My back aches. Gods, I don't like commuting. I wish I had a car to drive. That means... oh well... Rant all I want, it's not like anyone of the powers that be are listening, bloody hell to all of them.

I want to write a Harry Potter fanfiction. I have to read the four books all over again, and this time I gotta remember stuff... like spells and curses and enchantments... sheesh, I don't want to go into Snape's dungeon room. Creepy. He can scare the living daylights out of me. He's the professor I never want to have, ever.

Sometimes I feel so trapped in all the preconceived notions that everyone may/have of me. Wow, that's kinda pompous of me to say that; like everyone's wracking their brains about me. But heck, it's there. So when I act out of the character that they want me to be, it's confusion time.

Oh well... maybe that's thinking too much of myself.


Wouldn't it be nice if all that I wanted came true? I'd want a winning Lotto ticket; lotsa stuff to spend that on, and I won't bore you all with that.

Then I can do what I want!! ^___^

Come to think of it, I have to think up a study that can only be conducted in Japan so I can get the bloody scholarship...! I have no ideas! I've been so out of touch with reality lately that it's difficult to think. I prefer dreaming... Hmmm...

Leave me be! Argh! I have to concentrate! I have to think!

And this is how some people see me - panicker to the max. It's fun to oblige, then you gotta burst the bubble and let it float down.

I want to go back to school. At least I'm doing something constructive, not lazing about. Since when did I care about that? Oh yeah, since I started wanting my own space.

Bloody inconsiderate if you ask me...


BLUE's concert is at the end of the month and I haven't entered the contest! Sheesh! It's Favourite Pop Act. What will be, will be. I think I'll just wait if they're gonna release a special edition CD like in the first album. I could do with a dose of Duncan right about now. Lee couldn't hurt, even Simon... but Anthony? Sorry man, but something about you just ticks me off. I mean, I haven't met you personally so maybe I have no right to say that but seeing you in the videos... Sorry.


I just got me 2 new wall scrolls - Slam Dunk's Rukawa and an RK one with all of the characters with a smattering of YuYu Hakusho thrown in. Don't ask me why Kurama and the others are there; they just are. One measly picture of Saitou and that kid what's-his-name Okita, I think. Not even a sketch of Tokio. But Kenji's there.

I was planning on getting CC10 but it's not available yet. Seems like the whole staff are in Japan for a Toy Fair and some R&R. That doesn't mean that I am not impatient to see what's going to happen to Jed.

hehehe Viktor Krum... poor guy, to have been made a puppet like that by one of the Dark Eaters of Voldemort... hmm... that's an idea... you're in it, poor guy. *sigh* the things I do to characters I like. But you ain't gonna be the main character; I don't know you enough to do that. Maybe when I do...

So when's book 5 coming out?! That fake book in China's doing good when it came out. If I could only read Chinese... Now that's some ambition, considering there are a number of dialects that one has to master to be able to communicate properly. And the accents!

Japanese is easier, compared to Chinese, but they still have a lot of characters to remember.

Voldemort has risen. Praise to the Dark Lord and all that.

I gotta get my TOR evaluated. Maybe I could just enroll in that summer workshop for scriptwriting...

I want to do a lot of things, and I know for sure that I'm not going to be able to accomplish all of them, mainly because... yeah well, you know me... Strategic retreat is always best.

I want it to be May already, so Wena can be here and maybe we can have some decent catching up. It just ain't enough with the emails and even regular mail. Not that we've been doing much of the latter the past few years.


So who are we really? Which role is the real us?

You can always say it's the amalgam that's real, and all are just facets of it.

Safe answer.

Boo.

I'm tired. I've been traveling a lot. It was home to job exam to home then next day to a wake to home then next day to another job exam, and now recently just another job exam. And here I thought I could just stay away from numbers and computations and all that Math stuff...

Sheesh.

So...

I still have no idea of where I'm going with my life.

hehehe me bad. I had a thought - a series of thoughts actually - last night I think. It involved being a sort of a live-in partner/girlfriend of this guy, a real rich one at that and a bachelor ^_____^ and I was having the time of my life... It wasn't like a real live-in situation in that I had my apartment and he'd come over some nights but other nights he'd be somewhere else. Since I'm particularly sure that he's not married, I'm guessing he spends those nights at his parents' house.

But there were also the occasional misunderstandings. Foremost in my mind now was a re-telling of APN, in that that particular day we were supposed to go somewhere but I couldn't go. He was understanding at first because I told him that it was a very important shindig that I had to go to - I think he thought it was a family sort of thing ^__^;; Irony of ironies, the event we were supposed to go to was at the same place where the APN was held. So he was majorly surprised when he saw me there in my gothic get-up.

Now there was this understanding between us that we didn't advertise our relationship, for whatever reason. So he called me the first chance he got and basically asked for an explanation. You know how people can sometimes get in that situation? Like he was struggling for normal and not accusing but not getting to the middle ground...? So we had a row about it on the phone.

First version of what happened next was that he goes and gets me from the APN and we drive to the apartment. There we had the continuation of the fight at the living room, which exploded into him almost hitting me. Almost, since he held back and just slammed out of the apartment. Then he came back and we kissed and it ended in the bedroom.

Second version - because I woke up briefly - of what happened next was that he and I carry on with out own activities after that brief fight on the phone. It went on as it really happened. Late next day, we all left to go to our own houses, but Feifu (hehehe guesting again eh?) couldn't so I invited her over to the apartment. I called ahead and left a message on the machine that I was bringing someone over - because he almost always listens to the machine.

So we get there and he's not there. Hmph. But it was alright. We had a marathon of the animé CDs that she had and that I had. Oh yeah, I distinctly remember seeing a bookshelf crammed with manga and CDs and tapes and animé stuff that presumably he bought for me ^__^ *sigh* dream guy...

He arrived just as Feifu was getting ready to leave. Since I was still pissed off at him because he shouted at me on the phone before he hung up at the APN, I told him that I was going with Feifu to where she could get a ride home. I let him stew at the apartment for some hours. When I got back, another fight, but not as ferocious as the one I envisioned, so it was okay. He apologized for being a jerk, we kissed, then bed.

^___^

I just finished book 4 of the Harry Potter series. I'm liking Viktor Krum; wonder who'll play him when book 4 becomes a movie...? Also Professor Remus J. Lupin. I'm hoping that the director and producers have Gabriel Byrne somewhere in the roster. I like that Irish actor. He is Irish right?

Richard Harris is gone so... who's gonna play the ever lovable Dumbledore? Though he can turn really seriously intimidating in book 4. That's hardly a spoiler.

I can't wait to see the next installment!

Did I forget to mention that I like Daniel Radcliffe? He is one cute boy, absolutely cute! Hope he doesn't end up in the wayside like some child actors. I want him to make a successful transition into an adult actor.

Argh..! Nothing seems to be going my way. But what is my way? I don't know.

So what has been happening?

Aside from the tense couple of days and then.. freedom! hehehe me bad. I don't know why but I always feel to be on the verge of a heart attack if and when I'm left alone with my sisters. It usually ain't so bad the first few days - they can behave - but the clincher comes when it's been more than a week going on a month, then it starts to get tense. Because ultimately, one or the other is sure to do something that will set off the other. And where does that leave me? Hoping for a nuclear meltdown, that's where.

But ^__________^ it's calm here now, mainly because one of them left and won't be back in a few days.. something about a seminar or something, I didn't ask anymore. I was just glad that she's gone! But of course, there's always something that ticks me off - she said she'd do the laundry and save me the chore, but no, just one itty bitty crook of that 'friend' and she flies off, never mind what she said she'd do before leaving.

See what I mean about not believing anything anyone says? I should follow that rule more often. Disbelieving is good; saves one the energy. Apathy is a lifesaver.


Sad news in the horizon.. Just the other day, my brother informed us that one of our grandmothers in the mother side - my Mom's aunt, I think, coz I get confused about the relationships a lot - just passed away. We were supposed to go to the wake but we kinda don't know how to get there so.. But we figured it out and we'll definitely go before the funeral.

My friend and blockmate's Mom also passed away just recently. It was kinda inevitable but still surprising the same. Our block knew that his Mom was suffering from breast cancer, but she'd been in remission for some time now. I remember being told that she suffered a turn for the worse a year or two years ago, I'm not sure anymore, but that she'd stabilized. So it was okay. Then another friend and blockmate informed me that she passed away. I definitely want to go to the wake, if only to show him that I'm here for him.

So Ricky, my condolences to you and your family. I know from personal experience how it is to lose a parent to cancer, coz my Dad had cancer. It'll be two years in a few months that he's passed away. Cancer is indeed a silent and deadly killer.


On a lighter note.. I got a sort of call back for a job. Only, I have to take this basic exam, and it's for a tutorial service. Sheesh, for some reason I can't imagine myself teaching some kid! I could lose my temper and yell at the poor kid or something. Heck, patience is supposed to be a virtue and I don't think I'm that virtuous. While there are some who say that I'm a natural with kids and that they like me, there are some who say that I scare the living daylights out of some kids. So who to believe? I don't know; personally, I like kids, over-all, but those obnoxious and bratty ones I can't stand. Good thing my nephews and nieces were always in good behaviour when I'm with them.

Speaking of which, I slept over at one of my cousins, and she had 3 kids. The youngest was still a baby - just a few months - but he was a precocious one. We met before and I'd like to think that we had some bonding going on, what with his always pulling at my shirt tie..

But it was his older sister who kinda stole the show that time that I slept over. It was like time just ran away coz the last time I saw her she was still in diapers, but now she was all of 3 or 4 years. She kept showing me her pictures when she was a baby, and she had me read her some 5 books - two stories and 3 educational aids. So we studied shapes and colors and read The Little Mermaid.. my voice was almost hoarse by the time that was over. But it was cute and fun. She even sat on my lap the whole time, and let me tell you, she ain't a light weight. ^____^;;

I think the eldest girl wanted to join us but she was doing her homework and reviewing for school the next day.


Man, but it's hot this time of the year! I think it was just a week ago when I could leave my fan on it's lowest setting and still huddle under the sheets, but now..! Hooeee!! I can't get to sleep unless it's at the highest setting and focused on me. It doesn't help that my room is kinda blocked in..

That room is probably one of my problems right now. It's not actually MY room, in that I was meant to occupy that room for the rest of my days, but it's more of a general female room in the house.. So of course the first born girl got first dibs on the room, and she's been making noises to the effect that, as translated by me: That's my room! Go away!

Well, she kinda can't make me move - coz my stuff are everywhere - so I got to thinking that maybe, just maybe, she's basically trying to take over..? Maybe, coz especially when it comes to my phone, it's like she owns it! Like a few days ago.. I distinctly remember taking the phone up with me to the room and when I woke up, the first thing I did was reach for my phobe, but it wasn't there. Guess where it was.. Yup, she took it when I was asleep. And her friends' and coworkers' numbers are already IN MY PHONE BOOK. She got this idea that I was going to get a new phone some time in the near future, so she's been eyeing my phone since then. And there she was just some time ago telling me not to put my hopes up in that particular thing.

Gods, somebody take her away; give her a job or something, just get her the hell away from my life! It's like she wants to live my life! Sheesh! If I could only curse here in the vernacular.. It'll be a very colorful curse since the language is.. well, colorful ^__^


So I'm hoping to have a job or something. I've been asked to think of what I really want to do, what with that particular offer.. Oh yeah, somebody told me to at least think about taking up another course coz she could help me with the job opportunity out of the country. I'm thinking.. and the more I'm hoping that some company will call back and offer me a job so I can refuse as gracefully as possible. I just can't see myself with that kind of job but who knows..? I could be wrong and end up in that field for all that my abjuring it.

I got some preparations going for that end, getting documents, reproducing files, editing papers..

With this bloody war in the horizon, who knows what the hell is going to happen. I still stand by my position: WAR IS NOT AN OPTION. Surprising, ain't it? Considering that I can have the most violent scenarios in my head and all, that I can say and believe that.

Iraq's bloody complying! Why the hell can't they just sit down like the CIVILIZED PERSONS that they profess to be.. never mind that the other party is sure to object that the enemy is not civilized.

And what's this that I'm hearing that those Americans who oppose war are basically un-American?! What kind of b*\[$#!^ is that?! Then there's something that I read in a news magazine, about religion being the basis of popular support for the war..

Here's some direct excerpts from that article: "..had prayed that it wouldn't come to this, but she supports the war even so. 'Bush and Powell and all those guys are Christian,' she says. 'I do believe that God has blessed this country.'
"When it come to matters of might and right, Americans look to the heavens in a way that bewilders much of the rest of the world - especially Europe. A majority of Americans say religion shapes their lives, and it clearly shapes politics. Regular churchgoers are far more likely to vote Republican than Democratic, according to polls, and it's well known that the religious right is the Bush administration's political base.." {Johnson, Dirk. A Nation Bound by Faith. Newsweek 24 February 2003}

I don't want my blog to be a sort of political commentary on my part, but the issue has been out in the open for the longest time and I just want to get my two cents in, no matter that nobody will probably read this. Coz for a blog, I think this is way too long already.

So anyway.. What the heck is up with that "holier than thou" attitude? Being a Christian grants one the right to wage war? How.. weird is that?

Okay, I don't want to say anything anymore. Silence is sometimes the better part of valor, or something like that. I don't want to be considered an "enemy of the state" or a "suspicious character" based on what I believe in. It's unfair, yes, but you can't help but think it. Say one thing against the powers-that-be and you're basically history, with no future whatsoever.

Okay, I am not saying anything anymore. A change of topic is in order.


Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos

I'm done.

I'm actually writing Illusion 5.4; I'm not too sure if 5.3's already finished but I just thought it best for my health if I wrote something about James and Anna. Think death threats floating about, and from my own characters! How weird is that? Better yet, how demanding are they?

So I was writing them and I can't believe how fast I was writing the scene! It was like the whole scene was coming alive right in front of me. I was maybe just as fast when I wrote chapter 4 of A New Life for the Wolf, which is out in FFNet, by the way. To all those stray people who's reading this and want to find out about A New Life for the Wolf, go to the animé section of FFNet and look under Rurouni Kenshin.

I'm currently on page 5, but there's a bit of cheating involved since the first 3 pages I think, I just re-wrote previous stuff that I wrote first for 5.3... if that made sense...

Oh, and I managed to add another scene in that Illusion spin-off fic that I'm writing and had a "dream" about. The kid's cute, chatty and all that adorable-ness, but I don't doubt that he has a mean temper. Better watch out when he has a tantrum.

I somehow got to thinking about schedules and all that.

By the way, did I mention that my best friend from grade school is coming for a visit? She emailed me and said she ought to be here in two month's time, so here's to hoping...! She's been planning this trip for some time now, and when she did visit some years ago I was in college and couldn't meet with her. She did leave me a note but my Dad kinda misplaced it so I couldn't contact her. I remember being pissed at my Dad for that; don't know if I actually apologized for it. But hey, he's my father, so forgiveness should be given right?

About the schedules... I wonder at the fanfic authors that I read who seem to have it all together and have updates on their stories on a, well, a scheduled basis, like every week or every two weeks or monthly. I admire that. I can't seem to pace myself like that. I write when I want to write and what I want to write. I know I should discipline myself but that just cuts off the creative juices, so to speak. Constrictions of any kind don't work for me, especially when it's about a definitely creative endeavor like writing stories. Well, okay, so writing school papers can be called fiction writing, but that's still different. You're working for something -- a grade. Me, I'm writing just for the hell of getting what's in my head out there. If I don't, I could possibly just stay in my bed and dream of those stuffs and what possible scenarios could work.

I'm bad that way.

Speaking of bad... I was in a violent mood earlier ^__^ There were some people throwing water at commuters -- it's a John the Baptist's Feast Day and people celebrate it by doing that. So there I was pissed about having an "older" sister who can't take responsibility and I was just daring those people to try and get me wet. I even had the dialogue down:

Me: Throw water at me and I'll kill you.
The idiot does throw water at me. I'm out of the vehicle in a flash and I'm strangling him.
Me *growl*: Nobody interferes!
And when the others question me...
Me: You should know that people say what they mean.
Others: But we thought...
Me: Piece of advice, assuming can kill you. Just look at him.

Me bad...

And this is another reason for my writing -- it lets off a lot of steam. I tried just keeping it in one time... I think that was the time when I actually had the blade of a sharp object on my pulse. But maybe that was well before, I'm not too sure anymore ^__^;; Come to think of it, I have a number of journals hidden away somewhere... grade school don't count -- we just wrote journals to get a grade, and we had to read it in front of class too! How weird is that?

But we got back from the market well in time for the Justice League movie that I wanted to watch. I even had time to cook lunch, which was, as usual, brilliantly made. ^_____^ Hey, if you don't praise your own work, who will? Be your own fan or something.

My nephew went away to some sort of boot camp. He got accepted to this Military School and the neophytes have to go to this camp to prepare them for life in the Military School. I thought I'd at least feel like I'll miss him or something since he practically grew up with me, but... Well, there is that sort of "separate" feeling that, heck, he's just not a phone call away anymore. He doesn't even have his cell phone and only Sophomores can have visitors. So maybe, yeah, I do probably will miss him, but not right now. Maybe when he goes off to the Military School which is extremely far away from here.

But the good thing about it is that he gave me the negatives for the pictures that I've been asking him for a long time now.

*evil grin* I have his picture. Not his, his, but his. Some of you don't know what I'm talking about so I'll just leave this as it is.

My computer's getting funky on me. It won't shut down properly! Was it because of the program that I downloaded? I don't know; I just know that this is a dinosaur. And I can't seem to download anymore. I hate that. It's forcing me to buy the CDs that I want to listen to, but damn it! The prices of CDs are just so bloody restrictive! Can't they do something about it? It's so high! Bring it down to half the price and people will swear of piracy. If the pirated versions can sell for that low, then why the hell can't the music companies do the same? So the pirated versions got some bugs, so what? Some of them people will live with. No wonder some artists support downloading just so the music companies can get their "more-than-coming" comeuppance. Sheesh! The market's changing, people, go with the times!

Whew. That was interesting.

I gotta think positive. So I better start getting into the mindset of "when" and not "if" which is bad, really bad.

I've been getting these images of when I used to play volleyball in the local league here. Especially the times when we went back to our manager's house after a very rousing work-out/practice and we got to eat hot macaroni and chicken soup. Hmm, wonder why...

Diet has to work. It just has to!

And what the heck is up with the formatting?!

Oh my... ARGH!! I just had the worst possible "what-if" mornings... Gods! I cannot believe how immature adults can be!! If you had an older sister, wouldn't you expect her to act her age and her bloody place/status?! Gods! I tell you it's bloody difficult to play the older sister to your elders...!

Argh!

I barely remembered to breath and get through the whole thing...! Sheesh! And all this over who's going to go to the market to do the shopping for the day.

Gods!

Oh well... there should be a silver lining under every dark cloud, right? My silver lining was that I got an idea for Illusion, but it's for Book 2. I'm having trouble with the end part of 5.3... only because 5.4 keeps popping into my head! ^__^;;

Yay!! I just received an email from my best friend in Grade School. She's coming to the country!! In two months nga lang but that's okay. At least her planned return will finally push through. I hope. *keeps finegrs crossed*

So that's the good news of the day.

Now all I gotta do is remember to email my other best friend and see what's going on with her life!

Peace!