I envy Gem, and my other friends who have purpose in their lives. They're doing something because they want to do it, and they have PLANS! Gods, when was the last time that I actually had a plan that stretched out for longer than a few days?!

It's not easy admitting that, but there it is.

Envy and jealousy. They creep up on you, and then you're gone. Some of my friends are already doctors and some are about to take the Law Boards, several already have careers and not just working to get by, but real careers dude!

Where did the little girl with big plans go? Where is she?

I think I lost her somewhere along the past when I turned to the present, a difficult place to look for something you lost. The future's still dark, and it's hurting my eyes.

And she had such grand plans to change the world... or did she? Or were they just "plans" that got ingrained into her brain by an idea that there could be an ideal?

There is no ideal, no true altruism, no perfection. They are ideas, not of the realm of the real, are they not?


Why do I get the feeling that my absolutes will not work here?


But there is one that I think I've held onto for some time. (Notice the hesitancy in saying that I know I've held onto but instead saying I think?) I hate people. Too many at any given time... I hate people. I can deal with persons (5 at the most including me) but not people.

I like odd number groupings, so when they pair up, I get to be alone.


Ch. The makings of a hermit. Wonder if I'll run into an abomination like Son Goku? That'll be fun, born from a rock and raised in heaven.