Black kitten is now known as Choco II. Just because.

They're eating rice now, kinda, but Choco II doesn't like it so he's content to just suckle.


I'm amazed at myself. A few days ago, I stayed up real late, like until lunch the next day, and I slept real late the next day. Almost 24 hours, wouldn't you say?

So I got to wondering... what the hell stopped me from slitting my wrists?

I had TWO box cutters with me in the room.

I'd been basically left alone for the duration of that time.

I had opportunity, so why the hell not?! Reminds me of that Lizzie McGuire song: "Why not? Take a crazy chance. So why not?"

Then again, in a moment of levity, I could say that I was too bloody sleepy to do it.

Seriously though... it is a bit curious, considering the last time that happened, someone really interrupted me with a rather inane request: "Erh, can we turn on your stereo? It's really quiet in the dorm." or something like that, or it could have been my roommate was borrowing the stereo or one of my tapes. But anyway.

Oh yeah, there's this one time (different roommates this time around) I was really depressed and I just stayed in the room for three days. I didn't eat anything, and I can't even remember if I drank water, but I must have coz I'm still alive. I ignored my roommates, and one was even kind enough to do the same to me, though I must conjecture that most of the girls in my dorm ignored her and we ignore her right back. But that's another story.

But my other roommate, kind and young and naive, reached out.

Dang. I could have wasted away and no one would be the wiser! I was just a lump of flesh on the bed anyway.

So why back to all this death and despair?

Coz I feel like it, that's why.

Oh shit.

Why am I even justifying myself to you? Sod off.


Updating my blog is kinda making me feel traitorous towards my site, ACIDER, ony because I haven't put anything up there in a while. I'm still finishing up the stories. I'm about done on a collage/wallpaper of Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint. Just have to submit them to the sites I got their pictures from, just so they know, right?

Illusion chronicles: my notes and thoughts during the actual editing of Illusion.


24 September 2003
very early morning

This is getting to be a doozy. I used the organizer incident but with a bit of a twist. If in the real life occurence, the victim didn't recall anything of what happened, in this case, Russell gets a monster headache.

I'm not too sure with its writing though, so I may go back to it later.

It's all Russ and Faye right now!

Though I sorta retained the scene when Anna kinda looked right through James. And this time around, he kinda admitted to something...

*~*

afternoon

I feel like I'm hurrying the scenes along, mainly because I want to reach somewhere fast. But the essential scenes will still be there, like that one with Faye and Russ and they get locked in a room by his the latter's own mother and the subsequent injury. I think.

So I'm thinking of modifying the organizer incident a bit.

*~*

evening

Wai! I'm done with Chapter 4: Disclosure! Finally! Only this chapter used to be chapter 3 so... argh... re-working the chapter numbers.

I'm quite happy with it.

So onto the new chapter 5! hehehe more James moments...? WAI!!

*~*

Argh... apology scene... I had it all worked out before, but in retrospect, it sounds (reads) so... amateurish. Not real. I have to make it real.

*~*

Argh! I know there are meanings attached to numerous flowers, and the colors of flowers. Which flower and which color means "asking for forgiveness" or "sorry?" Is it yellow roses? Or any yellow flowers?

HELP!!

*~*

Oh my... I have no idea what the hell I'm writing anymore! I have an idea of what I wanted to happen, but I'm having trouble making it happen!

*~*

Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...! Have to make it happen...!

I like the idea of what I want to happen but how to get there...?!

*~*

I'm taking a break...

*~*

I re-did the organizer incident, by the way, but I don't know if it's up to standard yet. I have to let it sit for a few more hours before I go back to it and see how it really is.

*sigh*

The trials and tribulations of being me...

The current Illusion looks like a new interpretation of my original story idea. *sigh* James has got to get his act together so I could write it better. The guy is still hedging...!

*~*

Illusion chronicles: my notes and thoughts during the actual editing of Illusion.


20 September 2003
afternoon

Wai! I'm really editing Illusion! I'm just starting on Chapter 1: The Bet. It'll still be along the same lines of the previous premise of the story; I'm just going to change some things... erh... that's not too clear, is it?

Maybe it has something to do with a change in writing style? I don't know, I think my writing style's changed somewhat.

Gods when I read my earlier works, I just want to cringe and hide in a small corner and be forever forgotten by everyone. I felt I was that bad.

Hmm... maybe I should go to that mentor thing and have them look over what I've done so far.

*~*

I got rid of some of the vernacular terms. It'll be a bit different reading it again without the liberal use of the vernacular terms but, they're not going to be that gone from the story.

I'm going for one person's perspective at a time, usually Anna's, but I use other POVs as well when it calls for it.

*~*

I'm actually using *~*~* to separate the story into parts. It was someone who reviewed my RK story who said I should use some sort of visual separating technique instead of just increased spaces in between paragraphs so it'll be a bit more clear to the readers.

It's night and I'm at Chapter 2: The Courting Process.

*~*

I'm stopping at Chapter 2 for now, but I've finished it. I am so sleepy, and my eyes hurt. It's turning out quite well. I've made the changes, and I just have to remember the continuity of it. The change that I kinda like was in the kiss. Nice.

I'm planning on finishing the first editing on through Chapter 14, then doing a secondary review and final revision, then save it as html and finally posting it!

*~*


21 September 2003
evening

Wai! Chapter... erh... 4... Chapter 3 gets a new title: Repercussions of Knowing. Chapter 4 is still as yet untitled.

I've reworked the chaptering of the story and it's driving me batty. I saw the file size of chapter 2 and it was huge, considering. Gods! So now, I'm cutting and pasting, editing, reworking, adding, deleting... erh, editor work.

Tiring, but enjoyable, as I get to immerse myself in the story once more. Who knows? If I get into a roll here, I'd probably start writing this again!

*~*

Oh man... I think I've got the chaptering down, so far. I have no idea how it'll be with the other chapters, as some of them are quite long, and I might need to chop them up a bit somehow. I won't know until I get there so I'll just not worry about them.

So far, I've re-worked some scenes between Faye and Russ, and they're cooperating wonderfully.

*~*

Okay, major change: Anna and Faye move into the former's sister-in-law's apartment early on in the story, not later.

Why? Because I want to.

*~*

Right, apartment model I'm going with is my friend's Kelvin's actual apartment when he was here. Last I heard, he's been sent to China by his mother, and I still have no idea if he's back or not.

*~*

Ringtone: Sakura Saku. When and if I find my hard copy of it, I'll put it up here so you can see how noisy and boisterous it is.

*~*

Eep! Major revamp in the offing!

*~*

It's not always darkness and gloom; there'll always be a measure of light somewhere thrown into the mix. Right?

Feeling and being blue are two different things.


So anyway, something Doc told me before got me thinking. Well, e were talking about Illusion and I just thought... maybe, what if I mess around with it a bit. y'know? Change it a bit, a bit of snipping there, a bit of tailoring there... nothing too drastic (but that depends on your POV) but a make-over still.


It's kinda creepy when you know you're the only one awake in the house and there's this mysterious pounding on the stone wall. Could have come from outside, from the neighbour... But then again, what's that rustling sound coming from within the house?

Argh, creeping myself out... gotta cure myself of that. I'm the one who's supposed to be immune to such suggestions.


Homura's dead.

Gensomaden Saiyuki just ended on cable, and it was quite heartbreaking, the way Homura set about getting what he wanted done. Just to have a place to die, and die in a manner befitting a fighting god.

Yeah, I know, it's been done before and GS is kinda old already but bear with me, alright? It's been a while since I last saw the series, and not I'm planning on having a marathon tomorrow... erh... today. Now, let's see... Gensomaden definitely, Endless Waltz as I've been missing it on CN, Inuyasha (miss that hanyou!)... what else do I have?

D's always good for a bit of vampirey fun. Damn, now I wish I'd grabbed the Miyu CDs from before.

Still too much Ranma, so I'll pass this time around. But maybe the other movie that I have, just not the OAV. Maybe.


Stressing too much about something stresses the heart, right? Compound it with a heart condition and you have an environment ripe for a heart attack. Sign me up for a front seat.

I'm quite pleased though that I managed to get the Numb ringtone that I've been wanting ever since I heard it on my sister's phone. I used her phone to send it to me but only after I rewrote the thing with the composer, as it wouldn't send otherwise.

Erh, would it be legal if I posted the ringtone here? Guess not, don't wanna be in trouble with the cellular phone company that's been somewhat of a lifeline for me for the past few years. And it was a promo of theirs so...


Ideas for Illusion... hmm... changing it a bit does sound more appealing... That and I'm beginning to mix up scenes among Illusion and Almost and Countdown and Embitterment. Sheesh, add Saitou to the mix and I have a major headache. Not to mention Harry!

Damn, getting the Illusion file is kinda difficult... have to resort to trickiness if Yahoo won't cooperate! Avast yeh land-lovers! Onto the late night we sail!


I have got to get a life...!

But I'm bored with it.

And I get ideas on what to do with my stories and make wallpapers/collages in the middle of the night! I can't blame myself for that though, as it is quiet at night and I can think properly. During the day, it's always a fine mix of keeping a balance so as not to spark up a fight between my sisters (that includes me in the equation) and keeping awake. It's better for me to sleep during the day, less stressful.

Night has always been my creative time, ne? Except for when I'm feeling lazy and just let my mind roam about with nothing holding it back.

Floating is fun... free me from the mundane worries of everyday life...

It's not always darkness and gloom; there'll always be a measure of light somewhere thrown into the mix. Right?

Feeling and being blue are two different things.


So anyway, something Doc told me before got me thinking. Well, e were talking about Illusion and I just thought... maybe, what if I mess around with it a bit. y'know? Change it a bit, a bit of snipping there, a bit of tailoring there... nothing too drastic (but that depends on your POV) but a make-over still.


It's kinda creepy when you know you're the only one awake in the house and there's this mysterious pounding on the stone wall. Could have come from outside, from the neighbour... But then again, what's that rustling sound coming from within the house?

Argh, creeping myself out... gotta cure myself of that. I'm the one who's supposed to be immune to such suggestions.


Homura's dead.

Gensomaden Saiyuki just ended on cable, and it was quite heartbreaking, the way Homura set about getting what he wanted done. Just to have a place to die, and die in a manner befitting a fighting god.

Yeah, I know, it's been done before and GS is kinda old already but bear with me, alright? It's been a while since I last saw the series, and not I'm planning on having a marathon tomorrow... erh... today. Now, let's see... Gensomaden definitely, Endless Waltz as I've been missing it on CN, Inuyasha (miss that hanyou!)... what else do I have?

D's always good for a bit of vampirey fun. Damn, now I wish I'd grabbed the Miyu CDs from before.

Still too much Ranma, so I'll pass this time around. But maybe the other movie that I have, just not the OAV. Maybe.


Stressing too much about something stresses the heart, right? Compound it with a heart condition and you have an environment ripe for a heart attack. Sign me up for a front seat.

I'm quite pleased though that I managed to get the Numb ringtone that I've been wanting ever since I heard it on my sister's phone. I used her phone to send it to me but only after I rewrote the thing with the composer, as it wouldn't send otherwise.

Erh, would it be legal if I posted the ringtone here? Guess not, don't wanna be in trouble with the cellular phone company that's b����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������

Erh... yeah...

Right.

Now then.

"I'm off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz..."

There are four small kittens in the house now. I call them small kittens coz they're really just babies, as compared to big kitten Shiro nowadays. So anyway, I had a chance to play with them and I named them somewhat. The almost pure white somewhat similar to Shiro I call Hakuneko, partly because of Hakuryu from Gensomaden Saiyuki. The purely black is classically called Kuro.

Shiro's staying inside the house now, because it was raining earlier. He actually has his own house now, made of sturdy wood, with a cushion inside as he likes his bed soft... really vain cat. And he's curled up on the couch as I write this. I had to tug up the sofa covers over him as he looked cold.

So anyway, the one small kitten with mixed markings -- Actually they kinda remind me of that Biology class I took, erh Botany I think coz that's the only Biology course I took in college and I distinctly remember being in a college classroom when it was discussed, in that there are always four possible outcomes in any reproductive process. There's going to be the one that resembles one parent and one that resembles the other parent, there there's the mixed one, and a recessive gene progeny.

I'm not too sure of the accuracy but there it is.

Anyway, there are two small kittens with mixed coloring -- black and white. The only one that I actually see is one with a full head of black fur and if you look at its back, the shape of the black fur is in the shape of the number six with the tail end of the number the cat's tail itself. So I'm calling it Zechie ^__^

I don't watch Yu-Gi-Oh! after that first episode. I guess I was kinda turned off by that girl's cheesiness going on about "the symbol of our friendship" and what-not. I'll take a mecha any day.

So speaking of which, I bought a sort of manual, a how-to guide to draw manga style. It was the cheaper version but it's alright. I haven't tried it out yet, as I find myself quite busy with my cross stitch of Minamino Shuuichi. Hmm... I guess I bought too much of that one thread but... there'll be other projects, ne?

I'm thinking one of Harry Potter would be nice... Now where do I buy the pattern...?

I know there's this one shop -- either in Sta. Lucia or Megamall -- that could print a pattern of your desired picture to be made into cross stitch. Cool ne? I just have the picture I want to cross stitch but it's not colored yet.

Ne, Feifu, can you color the illusion file kiss03? The B&W kiss of James and Anna?

^__^ Looks nice eh, could look nice in cross stitch.

Erh... yeah...

Right.

Now then.

"I'm off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz..."

There are four small kittens in the house now. I call them small kittens coz they're really just babies, as compared to big kitten Shiro nowadays. So anyway, I had a chance to play with them and I named them somewhat. The almost pure white somewhat similar to Shiro I call Hakuneko, partly because of Hakuryu from Gensomaden Saiyuki. The purely black is classically called Kuro.

Shiro's staying inside the house now, because it was raining earlier. He actually has his own house now, made of sturdy wood, with a cushion inside as he likes his bed soft... really vain cat. And he's curled up on the couch as I write this. I had to tug up the sofa covers over him as he looked cold.

So anyway, the one small kitten with mixed markings -- Actually they kinda remind me of that Biology class I took, erh Botany I think coz that's the only Biology course I took in college and I distinctly remember being in a college classroom when it was discussed, in that there are always four possible outcomes in any reproductive process. There's going to be the one that resembles one parent and one that resembles the other parent, there there's the mixed one, and a recessive gene progeny.

I'm not too sure of the accuracy but there it is.

Anyway, there are two small kittens with mixed coloring -- black and white. The only one that I actually see is one with a full head of black fur and if you look at its back, the shape of the black fur is in the shape of the number six with the tail end of the number the cat's tail itself. So I'm calling it Zechie ^__^

I don't watch Yu-Gi-Oh! after that first episode. I guess I was kinda turned off by that girl's cheesiness going on about "the symbol of our friendship" and what-not. I'll take a mecha any day.

So speaking of which, I bought a sort of manual, a how-to guide to draw manga style. It was the cheaper version but it's alright. I haven't tried it out yet, as I find myself quite busy with my cross stitch of Minamino Shuuichi. Hmm... I guess I bought too much of that one thread but... there'll be other projects, ne?

I'm thinking one of Harry Potter would be nice... Now where do I buy the pattern...?

I know there's this one shop -- either in Sta. Lucia or Megamall -- that could print a pattern of your desired picture to be made into cross stitch. Cool ne? I just have the picture I want to cross stitch but it's not colored yet.

Ne, Feifu, can you color the illusion file kiss03? The B&W kiss of James and Anna?

^__^ Looks nice eh, could look nice in cross stitch.

I envy Gem, and my other friends who have purpose in their lives. They're doing something because they want to do it, and they have PLANS! Gods, when was the last time that I actually had a plan that stretched out for longer than a few days?!

It's not easy admitting that, but there it is.

Envy and jealousy. They creep up on you, and then you're gone. Some of my friends are already doctors and some are about to take the Law Boards, several already have careers and not just working to get by, but real careers dude!

Where did the little girl with big plans go? Where is she?

I think I lost her somewhere along the past when I turned to the present, a difficult place to look for something you lost. The future's still dark, and it's hurting my eyes.

And she had such grand plans to change the world... or did she? Or were they just "plans" that got ingrained into her brain by an idea that there could be an ideal?

There is no ideal, no true altruism, no perfection. They are ideas, not of the realm of the real, are they not?


Why do I get the feeling that my absolutes will not work here?


But there is one that I think I've held onto for some time. (Notice the hesitancy in saying that I know I've held onto but instead saying I think?) I hate people. Too many at any given time... I hate people. I can deal with persons (5 at the most including me) but not people.

I like odd number groupings, so when they pair up, I get to be alone.


Ch. The makings of a hermit. Wonder if I'll run into an abomination like Son Goku? That'll be fun, born from a rock and raised in heaven.

15 September

And here I was, supposedly I'm to update my website but... hehehe don't want to, but heck, maybe I will if and when I feel like it later. Just have to check it out anyway, if everything's done and ready.

So... we've been eating duck stew during the weekend. My brother went to the other house, my sister-in-law's, and got a duck from them; they raised 10 of them I think, but were all males so no chance of reproduction, is there? Anyway, so my brother went there and got one, brought it back here and slaughtered it. Cool!

I've seen chickens killed before, but I suppose the process's the same -- wring the neck and hope it breaks and kills easily, otherwise, chop it off. Then it's to the boiling water bath to remove the feathers, then open the fowl up. My brother had a difficult time with the smaller feathers, the down I suppose it could be, and just removed the whole skin off. That he actually cooked for our cats!

Oh yeah, our female cat here recently gave birth to four kittens! Cute! Two of them are a mix of black and while, then one's almost white (like Shiro here) but its head has black markings all over it, while one's really pure black and absolutely adorable but shy. They haven't left their "roost" so to speak, and are just inside my brother's room.

Anyway, back to the duck. After that, you just open the fowl, get rid of the innards and what-not, chop it up and it's ready for the pot! Simple and easy. I haven't actually done the actual chopping up of a whole chicken, but I've seen it done and have read about it, so I suppose I should do okay, I hope.

But I'm the only one here who can really clean a squid up. My father taught me how, and no one actually likes to do the cleaning up when we have squid, so it automatically falls to me. Even the cooking of squid sometimes.

Cleaning whole fish is a lot more difficult, mainly because I'm not used to it and I tend to be OC with it. Then there's the fear of rogue fish bones splintering and piercing my skin, especially when you're cleaning the stomach. Gods, you have to remove that green sac, the liver I think it is, coz it's really bitter.



*~*

13 September

Just watched Scooby Doo on cable ^__^ I'm really happy right now. I wanted to watch the movie on the big screen but one thing led to another and I couldn't go. At least they showed it on cable this soon. It was like watching the cartoons itself, only with 3D characters. Even though it was pretty obvious that Scooby was CGI, it didn't matter. I know I was enjoying the movie immensely, as I was laughing my head off at their antics.

Fred was Fred (forgot his last name), I somehow can't re-align the Fred in A Pup Named Scooby Doo cartoon with the Fred in the original cartoon. The previous Fred believed in anything and everything including the Mudmen who are in league with the Martians to take over the world, while the latter Fred just took everything with a grain of salt and that everything had to have a rational explanation.

Velma's the same as ever, the geeky nerd whose ideas always save the day no matter what. Bright orange, really bright color... Jinkys! And in the movie she was working at NASA developing that whatchamacallit weapons! Really cool! Dinkley or was it Dinkey, her last name...?

Daphne (Jones? all I could recall off the top of my head is that she's the one with the money among the group) was a bit of a reach. In the original cartoons, she was the pretty redhead with brains, though a bit of a klutz/ditz sometimes. What was it that Velma calls her... Danger-prone Daphne, that's the one. In A Pup Named Scooby Doo, she's the fashionista who once stopped a chase so she could have her butler Jenkins clean and press her wrinkled dress... I know that actually happened in one episode but I can't be sure which one, and which monster chase it was.

Shaggy Rogers... now that's a character. He's the hippie who never got out of the hippie age, owns the Mystery machine (yes it is his van people!), is best pals with a talking dog, has an appetite that can rival a black hole, a cowardly chicken who can still get the bad guys and wins out in the end. And in A Pup Named Scooby Doo series, his Dad's a policeman and he has a baby sister!

Scooby Dooby Doo!!

I can't actually remember when I started liking the cartoons but it seems like it's been a long time. They're a funny group, and the interactions between and among the characters are great. Fred, the leader, the typical American boy next door. Velma, the brains of the operation. Daphne, the pretty girl. Shaggy, the lay about. Scooby, the pet, the mascot, the hero.

You can't find them just anywhere.

Too bad about Scrappy in the movie though... bad puppy!

yeah... thoughts... a lot of them in my head but as I haven't had the opportunity to let them loose for some time now, they've become muddled in my head. For one thing, I knew I had some weird sorta nice but still weird dream the other day involving some of my high school classmates but for the life of me I can't remember anything more. Then there's last night's dream, also in the weird sorta nice but still weird category but still nada on the memory. The lesson in this is to not forego writing dreams down, therefore I should have my dream journal (also known as the handy dandy notebook) at hand.

Oh yeah, I re-organized the whole room I'm staying in, gives EVERYONE their own space. hehehe I have no idea if I just violated the feng shui of the room or whatever but... heck, anything for some peace of mind, ne? Just no more snide remarks and anything of the like.


I really don't like nosy busybody relatives, especially when they're not MY blood kin. Major hate gain that way.


I've rediscovered my cross stitch! It's the Minamino one from like 3 or 4 years ago. I'm low on several threads but it's nice cross stitching again. Therefore, it's off to the market for me to get the needed threads.


Doc's brother, i.e. MAO, is my new best friend! Two big words: Bluetooth technology. 'Nuff said. Wonder how he's doing though... Last time I saw him was... erh... a long time ago, before he graduated from college.


When I was cross stitching not so long ago, this afternoon actually, I suddenly had a thought about my funeral/wake. (Yeah, I know, morbid me yipee.) Would it be too morbid and creepy if I recorded my voice on what my thoughts would be on the actual wake, considering if what I want happens, all that will remain of me is an urn of my ashes? Yeah well, it got to be a video that played for the three days of the wake, continuously.

*sigh*

And then there was this email that I sent off to people telling them of what happened to me, assuming that I died of course. It was kinda... bittersweet (?) I guess would be an okay word, because it included my last will and testament, but since I don't rightly own anything, nothing goes to no one else but reverts back to the owners. Make sense?


So there I was, standing all alone, and I never knew darkness could be so bright as to hurt my eyes...

Just been to a friend's house to celebrate her passing the Med Boards ^__^ hehehe doctor friend, really helps to know one, just in case. She also helped me some with the many uses of my cellphone; WAP is just not something that I could be bothered with. I must admit though, that it was kinda fun.

Anyway, so it was like back in highschool. They were some of the brainiacs in school back then (though I was as well) so it was fun. I can't help but wonder, when will I meet with that special someone?

Doc has her twin flame (another doctor who went to high school with us no less), Lel has someone she met at work, Lev's married and with a cute kid. Sidenote: Nica's soooo cute! Her birthday's on the weekend and I'm not too sure if I can get to it as Doc and Lel aren't too sure themselves and I don't want to crash never mind that I did receive a verbal invite.

They seem so happy and all I can really do is stand in the sidelines and observe. After all, that's what a scientist has to do right? Social scientists have to observe society. This is like the reverse of that PO thing that we used to prattle about in college, except while it's still PO, it's the opposite of it.

The first PO means participant observation, in that the researcher immerses oneself unto the project. For example, you want to study the slums, you live in the slums, become one of the slum dwellers in reality, for a period of time, so you can have the more reliable data rather than just observing them from afar.

My version of the PO is passive observation, in that the researcher consciously steps back from the event/project being observed and records the data gathered accordingly. You melt unto the background and see what goes on. Something of a wallflower type of thing, only you're not being left alone by your lonesome at the dance because no one wants to dance with you, it's a conscious choice to be left alone so you can observe the goings-on in the dance -- who dances with who, how he dances with her, who's getting too much spiked punch, which teacher's going off with who, where the principal is...

Seems like a cop out on life, don't you think? *shrug* to each one's own dude.

I was actually toying with an idea for use in Illusion during that time we were talking; I'm still thinking about it. It was a funny scene, somehow.

Darn, I tried to color my hair again today. It's my second try with that blasted dark blonde color and still nada. I'm giving away that hair color treatment Then again, maybe not.

I'll just have to get a different hair coloring product. Hmm... how about dousing my hair with lemon juice under the hot sun? Or lime would be good.

Heck, they said my hair wasn't as dark a black as before, so I suppose the agent did work. A bit.

I dunno why I suddenly wanted to have a different hair color. I just felt like doing it and I had the materials so why the heck not go for it, right? I mean, what'll be so bad about that? Dark black hair gets boring at times.

Hmm... pink hair? blonde maybe? I know I wanna try the blue hair once of these days. Green, I'll pass thank you very much, as well as violet, no thank you.


Raining again... there's a typhoon nearby. It's cold. And the fan's wind's directly on the path of my arm. Maybe that's why my arm sometimes feels numb.


What else is there to say? But something that I thought up a couple of days ago or something like that.




it's fun not being normal


what is normal
what is fun
it's different from me


normality in this current age
conform or be ostracized
be one of us not them


poke holes in your body
slather on paint and blood
sway your hips to the tune


silence is the rule
noise is the punishment
building a cone


hiding within
smiling without
no one dares to enter




I've been thinking about that thing that my sister said one day, about getting some of my stuff published. *snickers* hehehe I know, miserable, right? Who'd want to read my stuff? Mediocre at best, and dark at that. Who'd want darkness when they need light?

I can't give them light, everytime I try to imagine myself writing poetry that's of a light matter, I freeze up and I can't think of the words.

Oh dear, now I've done it. That's a challenge to myself. Damn, now I have to answer that...!

*sigh*

I've been in front of the computer almost half a day now, I think. Well, considering I've been asleep since morning and only woke up at around 3pm or so...

So I'm in my own quiet zone, it's night, and I can get to write in peace. Then she comes down mumbling about not being able to get to sleep since she went up. I'm like, "Uh-oh, now I'm in for it."

My sister parks herself in front of the TV, surfs around until she catches the Japan Cup 2003 -- cheerleading competition. She watches, comments, asks me to watch whenever an interesting team comes up with a new interpretation to a move. I'm like, right, I'm writing.

And it's bloody difficult enough to write when your attention's being pulled in different directions -- my story, the TV, the other story.

Not to mention uncomfortable when your writing a rather torrid kissing scene for my story Almost. How do you know my sister won't suddenly appear behind me and read what I've put to paper?

I'm thinking of cutting that scene altogether. It's horrible. I can see it but I can't translate it well to paper when I'm being asked to comment about a cheerleading move. I'll just go with the other scene.

*sigh*