permutation. noun.
1. a major or fundamental change.
2. the act or process of changing the order of an ordered set of objects
syn. innovation, mutation, vicissitude
--from The Merriam-Webster Dictionary--
...Right... and here I thought the word just sounded cool.
Change huh?
Fics-side-wise: Illusion -- finished with the flavour challenge fics, moving onto the canon and the interlude
L-16 -- iffy about chapter 2, can't move on to chapter 3. Sorry.
Countdown -- lost inspiration. Sorry. Looking for the missing muse right now; have a sneaking suspicion it's hiding under a bathtub somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere.
fanfics of whatever genre -- proceeding as well as could be expected, meaning they are my breaks from writing my original stories.
My room: Almost habitable but seeing as I'm the only one there at the moment, it's perfectly okay for me hehehe threw away some stuff that I'm really regretting but won't admit to out loud coz I've always been of the mind that if it's broken and can't be repaired or totally unsalvageable or totally useless in your life, throw it away. Can't back down on that, now can't I? Especially since I made a big fuss out of that before the room endeavor and during the room endeavor.
My closet: Thinking of giving away some clothes but can't think of how to categorize which to give away and which to keep. There are some things that I really, really like but don't know if I can get to wear again and if the manufacturers will make another set like them. I think I already took care of my shoes before... though my current slippers/sandals just had a connector broken. It's still serviceable.
Why am I doing this again?
Oh yeah, I'm sleepy and want to stay up just on principle.
Gah, have to do laundry... reminder to self... Laundry.
Conversation earlier: I had just gotten up from bed, around nine tonight, and was about to eat dinner. My ever so 'loveable' sister who already ate stood up from her seat in front of the TV and said, 'I'll eat as well.'
Imagine the eye roll from my side.
She goes on, 'I don't know what's up with me; I don't know what I want.'
It was just too precious. So I go, 'Easy. Anything I want.' in a very audible voice.
She goes, 'What was that?'
I didn't reply anymore.
And it's kinda true, from my perspective anyway. Like just this morning, I was wearing jean shorts (I'm brave since it's cold at night) and a black shirt. When she changed clothes, she was in a jean skirt and black shirt. It's happened before.
And when I'm talking to a friend of mine and we were talking about handwriting coz she was copying a recipe of mine, in jumps sister-dear with her own set of handwriting stuff and mentions that her and mine's are similar.
Imagine the shudder. I resolve to maintain my current style and not write in long-hand for as long as I can help it. Heck, I'll go back to my earlier style of all block letters.
Tell me, why is she so intent on pointing out that we're similar? Does she fucking bloody want my bleeding life to live coz her's is already practically over?
And what's with this 'oh during my days...' and 'I did that when...'
For fuck's sake, fuck off!
You and I can't have the bleeding same life experiences!! We're not the same fucking people!! Get that through your thick head and leave me alone!!
This is especially annoying. So she's watching TV and I just happen to come down for one reason or another, either to wait for her to finish watching her shows so I can watch mine or to get a different scene from my room (can get boring with the same four walls staring back at you) or to just plain watch. When she's all alone, she's quiet but when I come down, I get unwanted commentary from whatever she's watching.
Did I ask for it? No. Did I mention that I wanted to know that? No.
I even closed my eyes but she just prattled on. When my nerves couldn't handle it anymore, I just shook my head and as quietly as I came down, went back up to my room.
Did she get the point that I do not need nor want her commentaries nor conversation when watching TV? Of course not. She just prattles on and on and on... annoying really.
It could be that she's lonely and she doesn't have anyone to talk to.
I live in the same house and I don't do that.
There's the telephone, call your friends! There's text messaging! Or go outside and talk with the neighbours!
Gods!
Even when I gave my goddaughter my Christmas present, she just had to be there! I went out the house first coz I saw my goddaughter riding her new motorized tricycle so I thought this might be a good time as any to give the present to her. I went out, chatted with her grandmother who was watching and lo and behold, out comes the sister and jumps in the conversation wagon.
It's like everything I do, she has to do as well, she has to participate in. I must say I'm guilty of the fact that I encouraged that behaviour before since I didn't know any better and didn't contemplate on how encompassing it could be, but haven't I done everything to discourage that behaviour now? That has to count for something!
...That was some rant...
Saturday, October 23, 2004
First things first: I debated about putting this dream in my blog and I thought, what the hell, this is my blog, right? I shouldn't have to censure myself about what I want to write here as long as it's not violating the statutes of the blog service, right?
So here goes...
I was in a dark room and there was a square light with images, so I'm pretty sure I was watching television. It was an animation, erh clay animation?? and maybe it was stop animation?? the figures were well defined so I know they were humans, kinda like that kiddie show about penguins, erh, Pingu in cartoon network?? yeah, like that material but heaven forbid should my dream be classified as for kids... @__@;;
Anyway, it was a couple's engagement party at a bar. Of course, people got drunk ^_^; The couple got carried out of the bar by a human chain and they got separated. The bar owner was the girl's father and he said that he was going to offer his daughter to the friar first before she got married, for good luck.
Next thing I know, they're in the friar's kitchen of all places and the girl is on her hands and knees and the friar is behind her, looking ecstatic as he took her there on the floor. The father and the lot of males who made up the human chain who took her from the bar were watching. Then the father goes, as soon as the good friar is done with her, you can have her.
You can imagine what happened after that statement but thankfully, the 'channel,' as it were, was changed.
It was an old movie based on the texture of the film on screen and a young Elizabeth Taylor was in it. It was night and the place was by a lighted bridge. She was talking on a cell phone, to a client, and she was saying that she was going to win the case for sure. Her boss was with her, the actress who plays the First Lady in the series The West Wing, forgot her name. And the boss goes, you what?! I want to get paid properly for once.
Then the television got turned off and it was dark in the room. There was a bit of illumination (moonlight) by the tall windows and I was talking about vampires with who I know to be Val Kilmer who was in this dream, Bruce Wayne aka Batman.
Note: I've always like Val Kilmer as Batman ^__^
Anyway, Bruce was painting something as we chatted about vampires and we both knew there was one loose in the house. But we weren't bothered about it. I was behind him, watching as he painted, when he blended into the shadows beside him. I knew to take up his position just as another male figure came out of the shadows just inside the door in front of us. And this guy I know to be a vampire, and it was this actor guy who for the life of me I can't recall his name but I have an image of his face in my head but the one thing I remember about this guy was that he has a raspy voice. I swear I've seen him before but I can't recall which movie! argh
So Bruce reappeared beside me and chatted the man up as he continued painting. I'm the one in the background now, watching the two men talk as if they were the best of friends when one of them is a vampire intent on drinking our blood and the other is a crime fighting super detective hero.
Change scene
Bruce and I were walking down the hallway when we're met with an unconscious red-haired guy floating on his back. We stepped to the side and let him pass and the body went through the door. We both knew this was the vampire guy's doing but as usual, there was no proof and only circumstantial evidence, which isn't as good as actual evidence as everyone knows...
I looked at Bruce and go, I don't know when he's going to change, refering to the floating guy.
We followed the body and came to the end of another hall where the body went inside a room. The door's open so we glanced in. Vampire guy was there hovering over the floating guy. Bruce got a digital camera from his pocket and every now and then would take pictures of what the guy is doing.
Bruce goes calmly, he'll change in one and a half hours, even as he's taking pictures of the vampire siring another vampire.
He made a notation in his notebook but I could see his pen had run out of ink so I offered mine. After he was done with signing his name at the bottom, he made a weird notation at the bottom right hand of the paper, to the right of his name. The most that I could call it is some sort of geometric stenography. It was all a series of lines, horizontal and vertical and diagonal, all connected and it made sense! And he did the same with my notebook.
Next thing I know we're at an upper balcony, a few feet from the ledge, and he asked for my shoes (black mary janes). Naive me, I gave them to him and he threw one out the balcony. I guess I could say I panicked so I held out my hand and I summoned it back with a bit of wandless magic, Accio.
He shook his head but he was grinning, the bastard, even while asking me if I trusted him. I took a bit before replying, yes. So he goes, then throw it out and it'll return to you without magic. He could have said 'I promise' or something like that but that could just be wishful thinking on my part.
I looked askance as him before doing as he bid (wah! goodbye mary jane shoes!). I threw one of the shoes and after a few seconds, a knee high brown leather boot comes floating back to me.
I glanced at him and said without blinking, 'I can't wear that.' And he just chuckles. *grumble*
Camera pan out
We're at the top of this wide, wide, wide staircase and one landing below us were the guys of BLUE!!! (wai! Duncan!!)
Soon enough we were tossing shoes at each other, but our aims were all terrible and more than a bit off coz I think we were either taking it too seriously or we were laughing too much to focus. Bruce was off to one side, just watching us and tossing the occasional shoe back at us. It was kind of unfair, it was just me against the four guys and my supposed teammate was not helping at all! Bruce was also making notes on his notebook, and for every shoe that I threw that the guys didn't catch, a different shoe came back from the same direction.
I had a plastic slipper in my hands and I threw it to Duncan. Since my arm was terrible, instead of the gentle arc I was going for, it shot at him in a downward trajectory like a bullet. I look at Bruce, 'Didja see that?!' and I was quite proud of it, especially since Duncan had caught it and had tossed it back to me.
But the buckle was broken so I tried to fix it and when I couldn't I took it to Bruce. He put it back together and told me to lower it down below carefully. He put it on the ledge and I placed my hand over it. After a wiggle or two it was floating up in the air and I guided it down to the ground, where my goddaughter's mother was with two other friends and all of them were on the cell phones.
I told them to be careful of the buckle coz it was a bit loose. They smile absent-mindedly up at me and they go back to their phone conversations. Bruce and I go back to the guys and the shoe tossing.
Then I woke up.
Crikey, Batman and Blue? I know I like the guys but in one dream with a vampire? hehehe freaky funny. And what about that friar action in the kitchen floor? Sheesh, wonder what my shrink would make of this... if I ever tell a shrink this. He'd/She'd probably go all Freudian and all hehehe
Let's try to make sense of where this all came from then...
The clay-stop-whatever it is animation thingie... I sometimes catch a few scenes of that pingu cartoon in cartoon network.
The friar... according to (historical) accounts when the country was under colonial rule, it wasn't unheard of for friars to have young women over at their residence for 'special dispensation' or whatever it was that it was called then to make it a legitimate visit. Thus a sudden increase in fair-skinned children, or so it was according to (historical) accounts.
Vampires... erh, I'm fascinated with them.
Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne aka Batman... see note above.
Batman... I like Batman.
Blue... I like Blue, especially Duncan ^___^
The shoes... I like shoes but I can't really wear the high-heeled stuff. That boot was definitely something that I could wear since it wasn't that high and it looked comfy.
The balcony where Bruce told me to throw my black mary jane shoe... that was actually the third floor of my high school building. It was where I used to hang out with my friends as we waited for our school service to arrive. And the end of the hallways were always the place to have secret meetings and stuff.
Magic... two words: Harry Potter. 'nuff said.
By the way, I've got interesting news. My hair's falling off. If you remember Elizabeth from Survivor Outback? Yeah, like that. I mean, it's pretty normal to have falling hair but at the rate that it's happening to me? I don't think so. It's like everytime I run my fingers through my hair, three or four pieces would come away with my fingers. And when I brush my hair, hah! There's always a lot of them tangled up in the bristles.
It's scary.
Now it could be because that I don't get enough nutrients in for my hair but it's not like I was eating healthy back in college... well, relatively healthy anyway. And this just occured about a month after my haircut. I could be reaching for an explanation, but that girl who cut my hair, she kept repeating, 'Don't forget about me when you want to get your hair trimmed.' or something like that. Always the 'Don't forget me.' I don't know how many times she said it.
Gah...
Superstitious nonsense but what if she cursed me or something?! I could be losing my hair because she put a spell on me so I would go to her monthly for a trim!
*calming down*
If she did, then the rule of three should apply to her. What evil or bad thing you did to others will come back to you, times three. She ought to be bald by now, or out of work. Whichever comes first is fine with me.
Now if I could only remember the incantation to trigger it...
My hair used to be thick... The first time that it thinned was in college when I used that herbal essences shampoo but I recovered from it when I switched to a different shampoo... And now it's like this.
Lovely.
And in case it's not understood, that was sarcasm.
Why in the world am I so concerned now about what people would say? It used to be that I could go "none of your business" to people who want to get catty.
Oh yeah, this ought to be funny.
So about two months ago, my brother and I went to this meeting thingie with parents and siblings (aka blood-kin) of priests. More or less we were encouraged to be more involved in the priests' lives and one way to do that was to form up per vicariate to have meetings and what nots.
I was like, cool, that'd be nice, so sure I was game for it. It was something to do anyway.
So I met up with the couple who was the supposed leader of the group in our vicariate (for the life of me I can't remember what vicariate I am ^__^;;) at an ordination somewhere. She was nice and all, but the one thing that bothered me was that she was part of this other group which included parents and promoters/sponsors of priests. And the "lady" who was head of it was too bossy for sure.
Well, okay so I could have unwittingly joined in an activity for that other group that's not exclusively for blood-kin but heck, the way she talked in the meeting...! Saying things like... argh, how to translate from the vernacular...
08 October 2004, sometime between 1030pm and 1100pm
OH gods, breaking news!! Earthquake!!
I hate earthquakes!!
Anyway, the context of what she was saying was that she overheard someone telling someone that her organization wasn't doing anything at all for looking after the well being of the priests, and she was telling this to us at the meeting. And the members of this group, btw, were all old women, I mean MOTHERS of priests for Christ's sake!
So, she goes like (forgive me but I have to go with the vernacular here so as not to loose anything in the translation) "E maliit (or makitid) ang utak kaya nasabi yun."
*wide beaming smile*
I wanted to strangle her.
How dare that woman say such things about other people! Oh sure, so somebody insulted your precious group, but does that give you license to say such things about that person?!
I was actually drifting off during the meeting but I was still listening, just not listening and paying real attention ^__^;; But anyway, gah! The nerve! I pretty much ignored her prattling on after that and there were still a lot that she was saying, making herself seem more important than she really was to us newbies.
Girl, I ain't impressed. I know you from before when my mother was part of your group, and damn, you haven't changed since then. I still don't like you.
I only wish that the blood-kin only organization can take off and be a separate entity from that.
But the food at the end of the meeting was good. Bihon and special empanada, yum, and other cookies and biscuits that as far as I know are only made here in town.
I've pretty much avoided them since then. I didn't go to their meetings and what not, coz, hey, that group wasn't what I signed up for when I agreed with what the Archbishop was saying about forming an organization for priests' family.
So here goes...
I was in a dark room and there was a square light with images, so I'm pretty sure I was watching television. It was an animation, erh clay animation?? and maybe it was stop animation?? the figures were well defined so I know they were humans, kinda like that kiddie show about penguins, erh, Pingu in cartoon network?? yeah, like that material but heaven forbid should my dream be classified as for kids... @__@;;
Anyway, it was a couple's engagement party at a bar. Of course, people got drunk ^_^; The couple got carried out of the bar by a human chain and they got separated. The bar owner was the girl's father and he said that he was going to offer his daughter to the friar first before she got married, for good luck.
Next thing I know, they're in the friar's kitchen of all places and the girl is on her hands and knees and the friar is behind her, looking ecstatic as he took her there on the floor. The father and the lot of males who made up the human chain who took her from the bar were watching. Then the father goes, as soon as the good friar is done with her, you can have her.
You can imagine what happened after that statement but thankfully, the 'channel,' as it were, was changed.
It was an old movie based on the texture of the film on screen and a young Elizabeth Taylor was in it. It was night and the place was by a lighted bridge. She was talking on a cell phone, to a client, and she was saying that she was going to win the case for sure. Her boss was with her, the actress who plays the First Lady in the series The West Wing, forgot her name. And the boss goes, you what?! I want to get paid properly for once.
Then the television got turned off and it was dark in the room. There was a bit of illumination (moonlight) by the tall windows and I was talking about vampires with who I know to be Val Kilmer who was in this dream, Bruce Wayne aka Batman.
Note: I've always like Val Kilmer as Batman ^__^
Anyway, Bruce was painting something as we chatted about vampires and we both knew there was one loose in the house. But we weren't bothered about it. I was behind him, watching as he painted, when he blended into the shadows beside him. I knew to take up his position just as another male figure came out of the shadows just inside the door in front of us. And this guy I know to be a vampire, and it was this actor guy who for the life of me I can't recall his name but I have an image of his face in my head but the one thing I remember about this guy was that he has a raspy voice. I swear I've seen him before but I can't recall which movie! argh
So Bruce reappeared beside me and chatted the man up as he continued painting. I'm the one in the background now, watching the two men talk as if they were the best of friends when one of them is a vampire intent on drinking our blood and the other is a crime fighting super detective hero.
Change scene
Bruce and I were walking down the hallway when we're met with an unconscious red-haired guy floating on his back. We stepped to the side and let him pass and the body went through the door. We both knew this was the vampire guy's doing but as usual, there was no proof and only circumstantial evidence, which isn't as good as actual evidence as everyone knows...
I looked at Bruce and go, I don't know when he's going to change, refering to the floating guy.
We followed the body and came to the end of another hall where the body went inside a room. The door's open so we glanced in. Vampire guy was there hovering over the floating guy. Bruce got a digital camera from his pocket and every now and then would take pictures of what the guy is doing.
Bruce goes calmly, he'll change in one and a half hours, even as he's taking pictures of the vampire siring another vampire.
He made a notation in his notebook but I could see his pen had run out of ink so I offered mine. After he was done with signing his name at the bottom, he made a weird notation at the bottom right hand of the paper, to the right of his name. The most that I could call it is some sort of geometric stenography. It was all a series of lines, horizontal and vertical and diagonal, all connected and it made sense! And he did the same with my notebook.
Next thing I know we're at an upper balcony, a few feet from the ledge, and he asked for my shoes (black mary janes). Naive me, I gave them to him and he threw one out the balcony. I guess I could say I panicked so I held out my hand and I summoned it back with a bit of wandless magic, Accio.
He shook his head but he was grinning, the bastard, even while asking me if I trusted him. I took a bit before replying, yes. So he goes, then throw it out and it'll return to you without magic. He could have said 'I promise' or something like that but that could just be wishful thinking on my part.
I looked askance as him before doing as he bid (wah! goodbye mary jane shoes!). I threw one of the shoes and after a few seconds, a knee high brown leather boot comes floating back to me.
I glanced at him and said without blinking, 'I can't wear that.' And he just chuckles. *grumble*
Camera pan out
We're at the top of this wide, wide, wide staircase and one landing below us were the guys of BLUE!!! (wai! Duncan!!)
Soon enough we were tossing shoes at each other, but our aims were all terrible and more than a bit off coz I think we were either taking it too seriously or we were laughing too much to focus. Bruce was off to one side, just watching us and tossing the occasional shoe back at us. It was kind of unfair, it was just me against the four guys and my supposed teammate was not helping at all! Bruce was also making notes on his notebook, and for every shoe that I threw that the guys didn't catch, a different shoe came back from the same direction.
I had a plastic slipper in my hands and I threw it to Duncan. Since my arm was terrible, instead of the gentle arc I was going for, it shot at him in a downward trajectory like a bullet. I look at Bruce, 'Didja see that?!' and I was quite proud of it, especially since Duncan had caught it and had tossed it back to me.
But the buckle was broken so I tried to fix it and when I couldn't I took it to Bruce. He put it back together and told me to lower it down below carefully. He put it on the ledge and I placed my hand over it. After a wiggle or two it was floating up in the air and I guided it down to the ground, where my goddaughter's mother was with two other friends and all of them were on the cell phones.
I told them to be careful of the buckle coz it was a bit loose. They smile absent-mindedly up at me and they go back to their phone conversations. Bruce and I go back to the guys and the shoe tossing.
Then I woke up.
Crikey, Batman and Blue? I know I like the guys but in one dream with a vampire? hehehe freaky funny. And what about that friar action in the kitchen floor? Sheesh, wonder what my shrink would make of this... if I ever tell a shrink this. He'd/She'd probably go all Freudian and all hehehe
Let's try to make sense of where this all came from then...
The clay-stop-whatever it is animation thingie... I sometimes catch a few scenes of that pingu cartoon in cartoon network.
The friar... according to (historical) accounts when the country was under colonial rule, it wasn't unheard of for friars to have young women over at their residence for 'special dispensation' or whatever it was that it was called then to make it a legitimate visit. Thus a sudden increase in fair-skinned children, or so it was according to (historical) accounts.
Vampires... erh, I'm fascinated with them.
Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne aka Batman... see note above.
Batman... I like Batman.
Blue... I like Blue, especially Duncan ^___^
The shoes... I like shoes but I can't really wear the high-heeled stuff. That boot was definitely something that I could wear since it wasn't that high and it looked comfy.
The balcony where Bruce told me to throw my black mary jane shoe... that was actually the third floor of my high school building. It was where I used to hang out with my friends as we waited for our school service to arrive. And the end of the hallways were always the place to have secret meetings and stuff.
Magic... two words: Harry Potter. 'nuff said.
By the way, I've got interesting news. My hair's falling off. If you remember Elizabeth from Survivor Outback? Yeah, like that. I mean, it's pretty normal to have falling hair but at the rate that it's happening to me? I don't think so. It's like everytime I run my fingers through my hair, three or four pieces would come away with my fingers. And when I brush my hair, hah! There's always a lot of them tangled up in the bristles.
It's scary.
Now it could be because that I don't get enough nutrients in for my hair but it's not like I was eating healthy back in college... well, relatively healthy anyway. And this just occured about a month after my haircut. I could be reaching for an explanation, but that girl who cut my hair, she kept repeating, 'Don't forget about me when you want to get your hair trimmed.' or something like that. Always the 'Don't forget me.' I don't know how many times she said it.
Gah...
Superstitious nonsense but what if she cursed me or something?! I could be losing my hair because she put a spell on me so I would go to her monthly for a trim!
*calming down*
If she did, then the rule of three should apply to her. What evil or bad thing you did to others will come back to you, times three. She ought to be bald by now, or out of work. Whichever comes first is fine with me.
Now if I could only remember the incantation to trigger it...
My hair used to be thick... The first time that it thinned was in college when I used that herbal essences shampoo but I recovered from it when I switched to a different shampoo... And now it's like this.
Lovely.
And in case it's not understood, that was sarcasm.
Why in the world am I so concerned now about what people would say? It used to be that I could go "none of your business" to people who want to get catty.
Oh yeah, this ought to be funny.
So about two months ago, my brother and I went to this meeting thingie with parents and siblings (aka blood-kin) of priests. More or less we were encouraged to be more involved in the priests' lives and one way to do that was to form up per vicariate to have meetings and what nots.
I was like, cool, that'd be nice, so sure I was game for it. It was something to do anyway.
So I met up with the couple who was the supposed leader of the group in our vicariate (for the life of me I can't remember what vicariate I am ^__^;;) at an ordination somewhere. She was nice and all, but the one thing that bothered me was that she was part of this other group which included parents and promoters/sponsors of priests. And the "lady" who was head of it was too bossy for sure.
Well, okay so I could have unwittingly joined in an activity for that other group that's not exclusively for blood-kin but heck, the way she talked in the meeting...! Saying things like... argh, how to translate from the vernacular...
08 October 2004, sometime between 1030pm and 1100pm
OH gods, breaking news!! Earthquake!!
I hate earthquakes!!
Anyway, the context of what she was saying was that she overheard someone telling someone that her organization wasn't doing anything at all for looking after the well being of the priests, and she was telling this to us at the meeting. And the members of this group, btw, were all old women, I mean MOTHERS of priests for Christ's sake!
So, she goes like (forgive me but I have to go with the vernacular here so as not to loose anything in the translation) "E maliit (or makitid) ang utak kaya nasabi yun."
*wide beaming smile*
I wanted to strangle her.
How dare that woman say such things about other people! Oh sure, so somebody insulted your precious group, but does that give you license to say such things about that person?!
I was actually drifting off during the meeting but I was still listening, just not listening and paying real attention ^__^;; But anyway, gah! The nerve! I pretty much ignored her prattling on after that and there were still a lot that she was saying, making herself seem more important than she really was to us newbies.
Girl, I ain't impressed. I know you from before when my mother was part of your group, and damn, you haven't changed since then. I still don't like you.
I only wish that the blood-kin only organization can take off and be a separate entity from that.
But the food at the end of the meeting was good. Bihon and special empanada, yum, and other cookies and biscuits that as far as I know are only made here in town.
I've pretty much avoided them since then. I didn't go to their meetings and what not, coz, hey, that group wasn't what I signed up for when I agreed with what the Archbishop was saying about forming an organization for priests' family.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
OH MY GOD!!!
He's really, really dead!!
Okay... *deep breath*
I've been following this Taiwanese drama called The Outsiders (erh, Fighting Fish?) for the past few weeks and today was the last episode.
Gah, can't believe they killed off Victor...!! *bawls*
I was hesitant at first to believe that he was really dead coz the death was delivered very differently from the Red Bean's and I knew she was really dead then. So I thought it could have been just some plot, a decoy, a diversion so he could plan a proper revenge against that foul loathsome creature, but heck I guess the old adage 'the simplest plan is often the most effective' is true. He's dead.
Gah.
And why won't the quotation marks work this time around...? Sheesh, I was hoping to write tonight, but anyway...
There was this scene last night that really got me. It was like seeing an as yet unwritten scene from my story Illusion being acted out in television. So yeah, the setting might be a bit off and there could be a lot more characters involved in the scene but the dialogue was what got me: when that bitch Vanessa told Princess to her face that she was pregnant with Victor's child, and Victor hearing that just as he came upon them. Hehehe people, think Maya, Anna, and James.
Crikey that gave me goosebumps...
I'm still reeling from Victor's death. A minute of silence please.
*sob*
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I'm really getting into Teen Titans. I think I want to have a look at the comics though. Robin's way cooler here, even if he can hold his own when he was fighting crime with Batman. This is Dick Grayson, right? Not Tim Drake? Or what's that other Robin's name... argh, can't remember.
I like Raven. She's cool. And powerful. ^___^
Cyborg's okay -- he's got way cool technology at hand.
Beast Boy... I can dig him, as long as the prankster in him is only let out in very small increments. And he's vegetarian, though someone has to speak to him about there being a lot more to being vegetarian than tofu.
Starfire just plain baffles me. Too cheerful.
What was that scene in Illusion... ah yes... [Chapter 01: The Bet]
{"Hi 'Te Faye! Hi 'Te Ann!" Tin cheerfully greeted, bounding into the room.
"Ack. Happy person so early." With that said, Anna shut the bathroom door on the younger girl's surprised face.}
And the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of course. Crikey, I remember when it wasn't cartoons but animatronics and it was so fucking real! hehehe
Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michaelangelo
Leo, Raph, Don/Donnie, Mikey
{Raph: How come I have to help you haul these stuff when Mikey get's to goof off?
Don: Which would you rather have, a happy Mikey or a bored Mikey?
Raph: ...Right.}
erh, I paraphrased their dialogue since I can't remember it word for word but that's the gist of it. That was from the episode when they were collecting stuff -- mostly electronic for Don -- from a dump site and it turned out that there was this pig of a garbage collector who collects street people to work at his island landfill.
I just found that dialogue between the brothers funny ^__^
Shaman King tomorrow!!
Life-wise... let's not go there. I don't wanna go there.
Top Ten Ways to get ?? to shut up:
01. Staple and duct tape his/her mouth shut.
02. Keep him/her away from the microphone and paraphernalia of the same nature.
03. Cut off his/her tongue.
04. Give him/her a blank script and tell him/her impromptu dialogue is prohibited on pain of castration and/or death.
05. Split his/her tongue in two and staple the two ends to the side of his/her mouth.
06. Ignore him/her until he/she is done speaking.
07. Tie him/her up like a mummy and stuff him/her in the storage cupboard.
08. Turn the television off whenever he/she comes on.
09. Gag him/her.
10. Switch channels and only go back when you're sure he/she is done with his/her segment.
Think this'll fly?
He's really, really dead!!
Okay... *deep breath*
I've been following this Taiwanese drama called The Outsiders (erh, Fighting Fish?) for the past few weeks and today was the last episode.
Gah, can't believe they killed off Victor...!! *bawls*
I was hesitant at first to believe that he was really dead coz the death was delivered very differently from the Red Bean's and I knew she was really dead then. So I thought it could have been just some plot, a decoy, a diversion so he could plan a proper revenge against that foul loathsome creature, but heck I guess the old adage 'the simplest plan is often the most effective' is true. He's dead.
Gah.
And why won't the quotation marks work this time around...? Sheesh, I was hoping to write tonight, but anyway...
There was this scene last night that really got me. It was like seeing an as yet unwritten scene from my story Illusion being acted out in television. So yeah, the setting might be a bit off and there could be a lot more characters involved in the scene but the dialogue was what got me: when that bitch Vanessa told Princess to her face that she was pregnant with Victor's child, and Victor hearing that just as he came upon them. Hehehe people, think Maya, Anna, and James.
Crikey that gave me goosebumps...
I'm still reeling from Victor's death. A minute of silence please.
*sob*
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I'm really getting into Teen Titans. I think I want to have a look at the comics though. Robin's way cooler here, even if he can hold his own when he was fighting crime with Batman. This is Dick Grayson, right? Not Tim Drake? Or what's that other Robin's name... argh, can't remember.
I like Raven. She's cool. And powerful. ^___^
Cyborg's okay -- he's got way cool technology at hand.
Beast Boy... I can dig him, as long as the prankster in him is only let out in very small increments. And he's vegetarian, though someone has to speak to him about there being a lot more to being vegetarian than tofu.
Starfire just plain baffles me. Too cheerful.
What was that scene in Illusion... ah yes... [Chapter 01: The Bet]
{"Hi 'Te Faye! Hi 'Te Ann!" Tin cheerfully greeted, bounding into the room.
"Ack. Happy person so early." With that said, Anna shut the bathroom door on the younger girl's surprised face.}
And the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of course. Crikey, I remember when it wasn't cartoons but animatronics and it was so fucking real! hehehe
Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michaelangelo
Leo, Raph, Don/Donnie, Mikey
{Raph: How come I have to help you haul these stuff when Mikey get's to goof off?
Don: Which would you rather have, a happy Mikey or a bored Mikey?
Raph: ...Right.}
erh, I paraphrased their dialogue since I can't remember it word for word but that's the gist of it. That was from the episode when they were collecting stuff -- mostly electronic for Don -- from a dump site and it turned out that there was this pig of a garbage collector who collects street people to work at his island landfill.
I just found that dialogue between the brothers funny ^__^
Shaman King tomorrow!!
Life-wise... let's not go there. I don't wanna go there.
Top Ten Ways to get ?? to shut up:
01. Staple and duct tape his/her mouth shut.
02. Keep him/her away from the microphone and paraphernalia of the same nature.
03. Cut off his/her tongue.
04. Give him/her a blank script and tell him/her impromptu dialogue is prohibited on pain of castration and/or death.
05. Split his/her tongue in two and staple the two ends to the side of his/her mouth.
06. Ignore him/her until he/she is done speaking.
07. Tie him/her up like a mummy and stuff him/her in the storage cupboard.
08. Turn the television off whenever he/she comes on.
09. Gag him/her.
10. Switch channels and only go back when you're sure he/she is done with his/her segment.
Think this'll fly?
Friday, September 24, 2004
Another cooky dream.
Oh yeah, it's been a long time since I last wrote anything ne? I wrote the dream down when I was half-asleep and I'm reading it now and I have to take a bit of time to translate the gibberish that is my handwriting when half-asleep...
Anyway, in the dream, I was in the grounds of my parish church here with Nigel Bailey, the British guy from Relic Hunter. There were a series of small pots around the grounds and we were helping finish them. We had one done and we were to transfer it to Pam Anderson.
Again, cooky dream.
So we went off and just as we were about to exit the gate, who do we see but the lady herself walking towards us. There was just no mistaking that blonde mane. There were two guys there who volunteered the use of their volkswagen beetle to transport the pot, so Pam gets in and the bloody blighters drive off when Nigel and I were about to get in. Incidentally, Pam was shrieking to be let off but they wouldn't.
Nigel and I went back to the parish grounds, I think it was mentioned that the time was the Hour of Elders, just before the Holidays. We get small rosaries, both blue beads, from the store and we walk around a bit before heading for the gymnasium.
We go in, look around, and I spot a high school classmate, who also happened to be my crush at that time, Almer. He was jogging off to somewhere (I don't think he saw us) and I chase after him. I pass by the beds of my two nephews (by my cousins) Joel and Paul Ryan, who were shaking their heads at me, bloody gits.
Nigel and I caught up with Almer in my grade school.
Note: I studied in a Catholic school and the buildings were just behind our parish church, grade school and high school, so it wasn't that far of a run. Back to the dream.
Almer was reciting the rhyme "star light, star bright" coz I think I asked him who or what he was going after. But when I turn around, it's Victor standing there. Victor (Yu Hao/Xiao Yu/Hao Ge) from the Taiwanese drama The Outsiders (or is it Fighting Fish). I say Victor coz the actor Guo Pin Chao) was in character.
Anyway, Nigel suggested we explore the first grade wing. I say no, bad memories of when I was there. I look around and decide we'll go to the sixth grade wing, which is isolated from the whole school when I was there in real life. It was like, the whole school/community is up there at the top of the hill and we were just thrown down to the bottom all by our lonesome. We had three sections so that's three classrooms and that was it.
So we go down to the place and we meet a few of my former teachers going up the stairs. Side note, the national anthem was playing in the background.
There was a man and a woman behind me, and she was explaining something to a teacher about the man, and I say, is he deaf-mute then? And she was like, yes! That's the term I was looking for!
Edge away, dude, and we cross over to the grade VI classrooms. Victor was looking for someone there, or he was meeting someone there, coz he's part of this gang, Notre Dame. I know it's a bloody team, football I think, in the US, but heck, that was what I heard it was!
Victor and I... we were having a bit of a discussion about a kid, who's actually my kid with another guy but he doesn't know about that.
I went up to my grade VI classroom -- my section was Archangels and we were the last room there. In point of fact, I think I had another dream and a location was that classroom as well. Hmm... vampire or was it travelers?
So, two thugs were approaching, trying to intimidate us. Heck, even Nigel wasn't that intimidated by them and a few punches later -- I pride myself in knowing that I hit one thug on the nose -- they're scampering away for their boss. Victor meets and talks with the guy, Nigel's outside admiring the view, and I go inside the Archangel classroom.
Class was in session but the students don't mind me. One thing I noticed was that they were using black markers to write on the blackboard, not chalk. I walk up to the teacher and we chat as we look out the window for the view. She's extolling it and I go, yeah, a view of denuded mountains and polluted air over a crowded city. She goes, I didn't say there'll be no air! I go, I said polluted air. I leave her, saying I've got an appointment with a publisher.
Outside, Victor's still talking to the guy and the guy agrees to Victor's terms about something or the other but they're both happy about it. I sit with them along the cement bench: Nigel, me, Victor, boss-guy, and he was saying that he'd heard of Victor and respects him.
After further negotiations, I place my hands on Victor's upper arms and he leans back onto me, finally lying down with his head on my lap, and Nigel is supporting us both.
Victor goes, your branch of the Notre Dame has done good work.
Boss-guy goes, Yes, but you're better.
We left then, and we went up to a tree where we're supposed to meet someone, only no one was there. Nigel spots a note inside the tree and we gather 'round to read what it says.
And that was when I regained full consciousness.
Funny, just the other night, I had a dream with Ricky (Dan Li Jie/Dan Zi) portrayed by Lan Zheng Long. We were on a road trip on his motorcycle. Stops were quiet infrequent but he once left me on the motorcycle to talk to someone. The whole dream revolves about that bike ride and the trip, I don't think we finished it.
Crikey, wonder when I'll have a dream about Andrew (Yang Xun/Ah Qi) played by Zhang Xun Jie...
Oh yeah, it's been a long time since I last wrote anything ne? I wrote the dream down when I was half-asleep and I'm reading it now and I have to take a bit of time to translate the gibberish that is my handwriting when half-asleep...
Anyway, in the dream, I was in the grounds of my parish church here with Nigel Bailey, the British guy from Relic Hunter. There were a series of small pots around the grounds and we were helping finish them. We had one done and we were to transfer it to Pam Anderson.
Again, cooky dream.
So we went off and just as we were about to exit the gate, who do we see but the lady herself walking towards us. There was just no mistaking that blonde mane. There were two guys there who volunteered the use of their volkswagen beetle to transport the pot, so Pam gets in and the bloody blighters drive off when Nigel and I were about to get in. Incidentally, Pam was shrieking to be let off but they wouldn't.
Nigel and I went back to the parish grounds, I think it was mentioned that the time was the Hour of Elders, just before the Holidays. We get small rosaries, both blue beads, from the store and we walk around a bit before heading for the gymnasium.
We go in, look around, and I spot a high school classmate, who also happened to be my crush at that time, Almer. He was jogging off to somewhere (I don't think he saw us) and I chase after him. I pass by the beds of my two nephews (by my cousins) Joel and Paul Ryan, who were shaking their heads at me, bloody gits.
Nigel and I caught up with Almer in my grade school.
Note: I studied in a Catholic school and the buildings were just behind our parish church, grade school and high school, so it wasn't that far of a run. Back to the dream.
Almer was reciting the rhyme "star light, star bright" coz I think I asked him who or what he was going after. But when I turn around, it's Victor standing there. Victor (Yu Hao/Xiao Yu/Hao Ge) from the Taiwanese drama The Outsiders (or is it Fighting Fish). I say Victor coz the actor Guo Pin Chao) was in character.
Anyway, Nigel suggested we explore the first grade wing. I say no, bad memories of when I was there. I look around and decide we'll go to the sixth grade wing, which is isolated from the whole school when I was there in real life. It was like, the whole school/community is up there at the top of the hill and we were just thrown down to the bottom all by our lonesome. We had three sections so that's three classrooms and that was it.
So we go down to the place and we meet a few of my former teachers going up the stairs. Side note, the national anthem was playing in the background.
There was a man and a woman behind me, and she was explaining something to a teacher about the man, and I say, is he deaf-mute then? And she was like, yes! That's the term I was looking for!
Edge away, dude, and we cross over to the grade VI classrooms. Victor was looking for someone there, or he was meeting someone there, coz he's part of this gang, Notre Dame. I know it's a bloody team, football I think, in the US, but heck, that was what I heard it was!
Victor and I... we were having a bit of a discussion about a kid, who's actually my kid with another guy but he doesn't know about that.
I went up to my grade VI classroom -- my section was Archangels and we were the last room there. In point of fact, I think I had another dream and a location was that classroom as well. Hmm... vampire or was it travelers?
So, two thugs were approaching, trying to intimidate us. Heck, even Nigel wasn't that intimidated by them and a few punches later -- I pride myself in knowing that I hit one thug on the nose -- they're scampering away for their boss. Victor meets and talks with the guy, Nigel's outside admiring the view, and I go inside the Archangel classroom.
Class was in session but the students don't mind me. One thing I noticed was that they were using black markers to write on the blackboard, not chalk. I walk up to the teacher and we chat as we look out the window for the view. She's extolling it and I go, yeah, a view of denuded mountains and polluted air over a crowded city. She goes, I didn't say there'll be no air! I go, I said polluted air. I leave her, saying I've got an appointment with a publisher.
Outside, Victor's still talking to the guy and the guy agrees to Victor's terms about something or the other but they're both happy about it. I sit with them along the cement bench: Nigel, me, Victor, boss-guy, and he was saying that he'd heard of Victor and respects him.
After further negotiations, I place my hands on Victor's upper arms and he leans back onto me, finally lying down with his head on my lap, and Nigel is supporting us both.
Victor goes, your branch of the Notre Dame has done good work.
Boss-guy goes, Yes, but you're better.
We left then, and we went up to a tree where we're supposed to meet someone, only no one was there. Nigel spots a note inside the tree and we gather 'round to read what it says.
And that was when I regained full consciousness.
Funny, just the other night, I had a dream with Ricky (Dan Li Jie/Dan Zi) portrayed by Lan Zheng Long. We were on a road trip on his motorcycle. Stops were quiet infrequent but he once left me on the motorcycle to talk to someone. The whole dream revolves about that bike ride and the trip, I don't think we finished it.
Crikey, wonder when I'll have a dream about Andrew (Yang Xun/Ah Qi) played by Zhang Xun Jie...
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Such is the way with my life that everything is my fault and that I am always the bad guy.
Fun, fun, fun.
Damn, and I almost got to go head to head with my stubborn older brother with regards to his busybody wife. That would have been so much fun. I think he'd have gone physical, so what? Smack me around, I'll not stop you, I'll even goad you.
Come on, try and kill me. I don't mind.
Don't you just hate confrontations?
The point... my life, my decisions - right or wrong - still mine, my death if it comes to that. What the bloody hell do they care? So fucking what if they're blood-kin?
I want to be left alone, is that such a fucking bloody concept to understand?!
Leaving me alone means minding their own fucking business and not mine.
Difficult to understand, I know...
So the mother-fucker sister from fucking hell was on the phone with my busybody sister-in-law, and she said to disregard my text message to her and treat my like the child that I was behaving.
Cool, she treats me as a child, I'll treat her as the rumor-monger that she is. To hell if she runs to her big strong husband, who happens to be my more than stubborn brother who's not afraid to get physical, and cries her eyes out saying that I've been abusing her.
Abusing her, hell, she hasn't just seen abuse, she's heaped it on other people.
Bloody fucking hell.
Hey, this works into calming me down, if a bit tiring than scratching myself... Now, cutting... argh, I can't believe I haven't tried that yet. It's supposed to release endorphins when you cut so you can just try to forget the bad and just feel the good. Something about the blood seeping through the wound being the bad stuff that happens so when it flows out of your body, all the bad stuff goes away as well.
I haven't tried yet, but maybe I will in the near future. When I'm not going to be too tempted to push the blade too far in.
"When I bloody well want you to talk about me, I'll tell you what to say and whom to say it to."
A bit extreme to text to her?
Hey, I was PISSED OFF!
And what does she do? She goes and texts the mother-fucker to ask me what I meant. I'm like, what, you don't have the guts to ask me? Am I that scary?
That's a compliment to me.
Fun, fun, fun.
Damn, and I almost got to go head to head with my stubborn older brother with regards to his busybody wife. That would have been so much fun. I think he'd have gone physical, so what? Smack me around, I'll not stop you, I'll even goad you.
Come on, try and kill me. I don't mind.
Don't you just hate confrontations?
The point... my life, my decisions - right or wrong - still mine, my death if it comes to that. What the bloody hell do they care? So fucking what if they're blood-kin?
I want to be left alone, is that such a fucking bloody concept to understand?!
Leaving me alone means minding their own fucking business and not mine.
Difficult to understand, I know...
So the mother-fucker sister from fucking hell was on the phone with my busybody sister-in-law, and she said to disregard my text message to her and treat my like the child that I was behaving.
Cool, she treats me as a child, I'll treat her as the rumor-monger that she is. To hell if she runs to her big strong husband, who happens to be my more than stubborn brother who's not afraid to get physical, and cries her eyes out saying that I've been abusing her.
Abusing her, hell, she hasn't just seen abuse, she's heaped it on other people.
Bloody fucking hell.
Hey, this works into calming me down, if a bit tiring than scratching myself... Now, cutting... argh, I can't believe I haven't tried that yet. It's supposed to release endorphins when you cut so you can just try to forget the bad and just feel the good. Something about the blood seeping through the wound being the bad stuff that happens so when it flows out of your body, all the bad stuff goes away as well.
I haven't tried yet, but maybe I will in the near future. When I'm not going to be too tempted to push the blade too far in.
"When I bloody well want you to talk about me, I'll tell you what to say and whom to say it to."
A bit extreme to text to her?
Hey, I was PISSED OFF!
And what does she do? She goes and texts the mother-fucker to ask me what I meant. I'm like, what, you don't have the guts to ask me? Am I that scary?
That's a compliment to me.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Long time...
hehehe Here's a dream I had last night.
The setting in and of itself told me that some things have already happened before that which when I became conscious that I was experiencing the dream, so we start from there.
I was with some people and we were walking along a road, and there was a bridge somewhere which we crossed, then we veered to the left towards a hut. A group was there, and the leader was filling a big woven basket with some dark loamy soil of some sort... At least I think it was some sort of soil - all I know was that it was dark. Then he placed a handful of yellow sand on top of it, sprinkled it really, on the top. The one if my companions, I think the leader of our group, asked if they had water. Now all I remember about the area really was that there was yellow sand on the ground, and the hut was actually just a platform made out of bamboo with a thatch roof above it.
Their leader held up a large bottle of mineral water, and said it was all they had, then he poured it inside the woven basket with the soil and sand. I was most surprised.
Then the next thing I knew, I was in an airbase, in the control tower, watching this guy - a Captain, I think was his rank - march about in the tarmac with some soldiers, doing formations and such. Guess who was with me in the tower? Harm, Catherine, and Bud from the TV show JAG... cool, ne?
Anyway, Catherine was going on about how it was obvious that the Captain was deranged but he himself didn't know he was deranged, so she and Harm were going down to talk to him. She told me and Bud to stay up in the tower, and so we did. A few minutes later, they came back up and Catherine was muttering to herself, "He sits on the bleeding meteor after his whole battalion is wiped out and he doesn't think anything is wrong?"
For some reason or the other, Harm and Bud leave the two of us, and I found that we've changed locations once again, and this time Catherine and I are inside a school bus. Those big yellow monsters type of school buses... yeah, that kind, and we were at the rear. It was just the two of us, no driver and no other passengers, and we were just waiting.
Suddenly I get this really bad feeling in the air, so I close the rear door, which starts the bus moving. This should have been surprising but my only reaction was to ask Catherine if she could drive the bus. She said not to worry coz the bus is in auto-pilot and would stop when it looked like it would crash onto something.
It turned out to be quite true, since a few feet away from the bus and the narrow strip of dirt road we were on - which incidentally I recognized as being a dirt road somewhere along my subdivision - was a parked jeep. The bus stopped and we went to the front and Catherine handled the wheel.
When I turned around I was walking around a street with Fe and Richard (Chad). I have no idea what we were doing, but we were walking along some side streets. It seemed as if we were on a mission or something. I know the three of us talked, and at one point I even drew out a pack of pictures to show them.
One of the pictures really caught my attention. It was of me in one of my large black shirts and I had long, somewhat curly hair and there were a lot of blonde streaks in it. I was tanned and I was carrying a little boy of about three or four years old, even when I was pregnant. And beside me with his arms around me and the child, was James.
...
There was another picture, and all three of us were in a car, leaving the house, and we looked like we were going for a day on the beach.
Somehow or the other, Fe was asking me to call James because she was tired of walking, and there was a street we had to go on that was uphill. Even Chad looked beat, but I was really exhausted. So I called but when all I got was a continuous ring, I just knew that he was on his way for us. We were halfway up the uphill climb when he arrives, driving a white car. He stops and Fe and Chad just collapse in the backseat, while I went to the front. He had a large red backpack on the seat, so I placed the bag on my lap. James just grinned and asked if we were ready to go home.
Of course we were!
So he drives up and he turned to me asking if I knew where he could turn the car, since I was from the area and all. I pointed towards the corner a house up from my house and said he could turn there, or he could just use my cousin's driveway or my house's driveway, if he wanted to. James turned the car around, and I asked him if he knew the way back to Manila through Tagaytay, and he replied he did. I was about to suggest that we take that route when I suddenly realized that since we were really in front of my house while we were talking that I could be let out there. After all, what use would it be if I went to Manila with them when I lived here, right?
I don't know if I got out of the car or not because that was when I woke up.
Before I fell asleep that night actually, I was thinking that it would be a novel way if my last will and testament would not be on a piece of paper but a recording of some sort. Not that I have a lot of things to leave other people, but I was just thinking... I was even thinking of leaving it in my will that my wake would be a party since there'd really be no body to park in the living room coz I'd be cremated and all that, so it'll be just a jar with my ashes and some bones.
Wouldn't it have been great if during the funeral procession on the way to church that there'd be a carnival sort of parade with costumes and loud music? I don't even want a funeral car; get my ashes onto one of those floats or something. Oh, and it'd be a clause in the will that if my funeral didn't go according to my wishes, that I'd haunt the lot of you until the day you guys hold a party for me.
I'm really quite easy to appease, aren't I?
But wasn't that dream just cooky? I know what really interested me was that picture. There I was in one of my large black shirts, with almost totally blonde and curly hair, and I'm still wearing my glasses, with a three-year-old on my hip, and I'm pregnant. And James was there, of course, but crikey... Most if not all of my high school classmates are married with kids or if not, in relationships that seem to lead towards that, or just plain in a relationship. I really shouldn't ask myself why I'm in none of those categories, because I know why: I prefer my own company, I don't go out, I think most guys are intimidated by me (why they are I have no idea), and there are just plain no interesting men here.
hehehe Here's a dream I had last night.
The setting in and of itself told me that some things have already happened before that which when I became conscious that I was experiencing the dream, so we start from there.
I was with some people and we were walking along a road, and there was a bridge somewhere which we crossed, then we veered to the left towards a hut. A group was there, and the leader was filling a big woven basket with some dark loamy soil of some sort... At least I think it was some sort of soil - all I know was that it was dark. Then he placed a handful of yellow sand on top of it, sprinkled it really, on the top. The one if my companions, I think the leader of our group, asked if they had water. Now all I remember about the area really was that there was yellow sand on the ground, and the hut was actually just a platform made out of bamboo with a thatch roof above it.
Their leader held up a large bottle of mineral water, and said it was all they had, then he poured it inside the woven basket with the soil and sand. I was most surprised.
Then the next thing I knew, I was in an airbase, in the control tower, watching this guy - a Captain, I think was his rank - march about in the tarmac with some soldiers, doing formations and such. Guess who was with me in the tower? Harm, Catherine, and Bud from the TV show JAG... cool, ne?
Anyway, Catherine was going on about how it was obvious that the Captain was deranged but he himself didn't know he was deranged, so she and Harm were going down to talk to him. She told me and Bud to stay up in the tower, and so we did. A few minutes later, they came back up and Catherine was muttering to herself, "He sits on the bleeding meteor after his whole battalion is wiped out and he doesn't think anything is wrong?"
For some reason or the other, Harm and Bud leave the two of us, and I found that we've changed locations once again, and this time Catherine and I are inside a school bus. Those big yellow monsters type of school buses... yeah, that kind, and we were at the rear. It was just the two of us, no driver and no other passengers, and we were just waiting.
Suddenly I get this really bad feeling in the air, so I close the rear door, which starts the bus moving. This should have been surprising but my only reaction was to ask Catherine if she could drive the bus. She said not to worry coz the bus is in auto-pilot and would stop when it looked like it would crash onto something.
It turned out to be quite true, since a few feet away from the bus and the narrow strip of dirt road we were on - which incidentally I recognized as being a dirt road somewhere along my subdivision - was a parked jeep. The bus stopped and we went to the front and Catherine handled the wheel.
When I turned around I was walking around a street with Fe and Richard (Chad). I have no idea what we were doing, but we were walking along some side streets. It seemed as if we were on a mission or something. I know the three of us talked, and at one point I even drew out a pack of pictures to show them.
One of the pictures really caught my attention. It was of me in one of my large black shirts and I had long, somewhat curly hair and there were a lot of blonde streaks in it. I was tanned and I was carrying a little boy of about three or four years old, even when I was pregnant. And beside me with his arms around me and the child, was James.
...
There was another picture, and all three of us were in a car, leaving the house, and we looked like we were going for a day on the beach.
Somehow or the other, Fe was asking me to call James because she was tired of walking, and there was a street we had to go on that was uphill. Even Chad looked beat, but I was really exhausted. So I called but when all I got was a continuous ring, I just knew that he was on his way for us. We were halfway up the uphill climb when he arrives, driving a white car. He stops and Fe and Chad just collapse in the backseat, while I went to the front. He had a large red backpack on the seat, so I placed the bag on my lap. James just grinned and asked if we were ready to go home.
Of course we were!
So he drives up and he turned to me asking if I knew where he could turn the car, since I was from the area and all. I pointed towards the corner a house up from my house and said he could turn there, or he could just use my cousin's driveway or my house's driveway, if he wanted to. James turned the car around, and I asked him if he knew the way back to Manila through Tagaytay, and he replied he did. I was about to suggest that we take that route when I suddenly realized that since we were really in front of my house while we were talking that I could be let out there. After all, what use would it be if I went to Manila with them when I lived here, right?
I don't know if I got out of the car or not because that was when I woke up.
Before I fell asleep that night actually, I was thinking that it would be a novel way if my last will and testament would not be on a piece of paper but a recording of some sort. Not that I have a lot of things to leave other people, but I was just thinking... I was even thinking of leaving it in my will that my wake would be a party since there'd really be no body to park in the living room coz I'd be cremated and all that, so it'll be just a jar with my ashes and some bones.
Wouldn't it have been great if during the funeral procession on the way to church that there'd be a carnival sort of parade with costumes and loud music? I don't even want a funeral car; get my ashes onto one of those floats or something. Oh, and it'd be a clause in the will that if my funeral didn't go according to my wishes, that I'd haunt the lot of you until the day you guys hold a party for me.
I'm really quite easy to appease, aren't I?
But wasn't that dream just cooky? I know what really interested me was that picture. There I was in one of my large black shirts, with almost totally blonde and curly hair, and I'm still wearing my glasses, with a three-year-old on my hip, and I'm pregnant. And James was there, of course, but crikey... Most if not all of my high school classmates are married with kids or if not, in relationships that seem to lead towards that, or just plain in a relationship. I really shouldn't ask myself why I'm in none of those categories, because I know why: I prefer my own company, I don't go out, I think most guys are intimidated by me (why they are I have no idea), and there are just plain no interesting men here.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Crikey, what wake up call!
I was in that in-between world of sleep and wakefulness when I heard my cell phone signalling a text message. I let the tone finish before reading the text. I was surprised but not concerned when I read the message from a friend: what does 'bimbo' mean?
I had no real reason to be concerned; it could just be idle interest, something that was heard over the television or something. I said it mean brainless and asked why. Then came the real wake up call: Don't be mad but my boyfriend called me that.
*silence*
Yeah, like that.
Jesus! Wha...?! Argh! What the fuck?!
So what followed was a semi-frantic text messaging marathon, and a long distance phone call or two.
I mean, really... what kind of guy tells the girl he professes to love THAT WORD?!
I couldn't really let go when I was texting her -- my friend's mental and emotional health comes first before any thoughts of strangling that idiot-boy -- so I was calm and all (at least I hope I was!) when talking with her.
I may have put Horatio in second place for the hour that was given me to spend with him but it was okay.
I hope that my friend makes the right decision for her. I hope she makes whatever decision she makes that she knows will make her happy and content. It really won't do to do stuff, ie make decisions about your life, just to appease other people's perceptions of who and what you should be.
Other people's assumptions about you really shouldn't matter as long as you know who and what kind of person you are. I think it all boils down to having enough confidence in yourself to be free of societal concerns about you.
I was in that in-between world of sleep and wakefulness when I heard my cell phone signalling a text message. I let the tone finish before reading the text. I was surprised but not concerned when I read the message from a friend: what does 'bimbo' mean?
I had no real reason to be concerned; it could just be idle interest, something that was heard over the television or something. I said it mean brainless and asked why. Then came the real wake up call: Don't be mad but my boyfriend called me that.
*silence*
Yeah, like that.
Jesus! Wha...?! Argh! What the fuck?!
So what followed was a semi-frantic text messaging marathon, and a long distance phone call or two.
I mean, really... what kind of guy tells the girl he professes to love THAT WORD?!
I couldn't really let go when I was texting her -- my friend's mental and emotional health comes first before any thoughts of strangling that idiot-boy -- so I was calm and all (at least I hope I was!) when talking with her.
I may have put Horatio in second place for the hour that was given me to spend with him but it was okay.
I hope that my friend makes the right decision for her. I hope she makes whatever decision she makes that she knows will make her happy and content. It really won't do to do stuff, ie make decisions about your life, just to appease other people's perceptions of who and what you should be.
Other people's assumptions about you really shouldn't matter as long as you know who and what kind of person you are. I think it all boils down to having enough confidence in yourself to be free of societal concerns about you.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Just watched Hyde's concert on BS2. Didn't understand a word he was saying -- I think he was eating his words or something -- but MAN! the music rocked! Guitars! Drums! *sigh* music for my soul. His music as a solo artist is grittier than when he's with L'arc en Ciel. More edgy. More rock. More yummilicious.
Hmm... more evil? hehehe symbols, just symbols, nothing more, nothing less. Loved the cross up over them on the stage, and then when it descended... nice... Lights were wonderfully controlled chaos.
He only had two other musicians with him on stage: bass guitars and drums. Three guys, and a packed stadium, up to the rafters. Packed.
What was it? 666 Hyde 2004 First Tour Concert or something like that.
And now The Beat File presents Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears.
What a way to come down from such a high.
And when Hyde was talking -- an interview interspersed with the concert -- and even before the first song, he was smoking a cigarette. Made me think of my erstwhile nicotine habit. Made me wonder if I could resurrect that habit. The last time I smoked a cigarette was in college, and I bummed one from a blockmate, delicious minty cigarette, and I was feeling agitated that time. That one cigarette calmed me down. I swear.
So makes me wonder if I can be calmed down now if I start smoking again.
Not that I was a prolific smoker way back when, but I did smoke occasionally. Heck, with my brother a smoker and my sister a poser smoker, it'd be one smoking family, eh? hehehe
I have this particular brand though in mind. I don't care for the usual cigarette brands; I want that minty one that I smoked last in college. Then there are the flavored cigarettes my niece introduced me to before. Cinnamon, I think, was the one that I got. It was okay, I guess, but it was only one puff. Can't actually tell with just one puff. Have to finish one stick. At least.
Hmm...
There's even an open pack right out here. Matches on the next surface, and a lighter on the table.
I wonder... hmm... gotta ask who owns that pack first.
Do you know what you're doing?
*lights up* Yeah.
Okay, as long as you're aware...
Thank you. *sardonic eye roll*
Geez, I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. What to wear? I want the combat boots. Black re-made skirt? Have to find a cheap olive green shirt. Damn, I don't own a green shirt, except for that hand-painted shirt that I can't actually re-make because it's an expensive piece of clothing.
Where the hell did I get that anyway? I for sure didn't buy that... Oh yeah, my other brother gave that to me. Man's shirt for a girl. Go figure.
All black is sounding real good right about now. But which black shirt can I cut up? Everytime I actually have to dress up, I feel like I have to count pennies or something. It's like, argh... I can't describe it. Just that I'm not comfortable in my skin, in my clothes anymore.
Who the fucking hell am I?
Britney on the telly.
"Her ex, Colin Bautista, was the poster boy for the Perfect Man for All Ages. He was one of the more handsome men she had ever seen, with the soft, silky, beautifully black hair, wickedly bright black eyes, impeccably sharp nose, and yummiliciously sweet lips. Not to mention Colin was definitely a gentleman of the old tradition… most of the time, when he wasn't being mischievous. But even that, he managed to make into an adorably cute undertaking."
--> so whatcha think, Feifu, of Colin's description? Excerpt from my new orginal story.
I'm still working on the first chapter, and I need a title. Something highschoolishly adult, perhaps? Hmm... Die, Voldemort, Die maybe? hehehe disregard that...
hehehe
advert for CSI: Miami on AXN. Had to stop what I was doing to watch it. Doesn't matter how often I've seen that advert.
Oh yeah, I saw a preview for AXN's new programming, and I literally screamed with delight when I saw Horatio. ^___________________^ CSI: Miami second season is near!! My mantra would be: "Ignore SWMNBN." And "Don't despair coz H/C moments will come and will not be stopped by TPTB, no matter how delusional they may be." Or something along that line.
And I read in the ML that the actress playing SWMNBN said on a talk show (can't verify it so it could just be rumor or hearsay) that her character was a regular in the series because fans liked her chemistry with H.
Most were like, "what fans?" and "what chemistry?"
I tend to agree. I've seen her intro to the series before -- since I am saturating myself in reruns this time around -- and all I could see was a pretty cop who's brother-in-law in CSI was concerned about her. Seeing as her son is his last blood relative in the whole wide world...
"Pretty set decor" I think was someone else's description of her.
hehehe
H/C shippers 'til the end!
Good distraction for me these days: David Caruso or Horatio Caine. Whichever is there.
Hmm... more evil? hehehe symbols, just symbols, nothing more, nothing less. Loved the cross up over them on the stage, and then when it descended... nice... Lights were wonderfully controlled chaos.
He only had two other musicians with him on stage: bass guitars and drums. Three guys, and a packed stadium, up to the rafters. Packed.
What was it? 666 Hyde 2004 First Tour Concert or something like that.
And now The Beat File presents Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears.
What a way to come down from such a high.
And when Hyde was talking -- an interview interspersed with the concert -- and even before the first song, he was smoking a cigarette. Made me think of my erstwhile nicotine habit. Made me wonder if I could resurrect that habit. The last time I smoked a cigarette was in college, and I bummed one from a blockmate, delicious minty cigarette, and I was feeling agitated that time. That one cigarette calmed me down. I swear.
So makes me wonder if I can be calmed down now if I start smoking again.
Not that I was a prolific smoker way back when, but I did smoke occasionally. Heck, with my brother a smoker and my sister a poser smoker, it'd be one smoking family, eh? hehehe
I have this particular brand though in mind. I don't care for the usual cigarette brands; I want that minty one that I smoked last in college. Then there are the flavored cigarettes my niece introduced me to before. Cinnamon, I think, was the one that I got. It was okay, I guess, but it was only one puff. Can't actually tell with just one puff. Have to finish one stick. At least.
Hmm...
There's even an open pack right out here. Matches on the next surface, and a lighter on the table.
I wonder... hmm... gotta ask who owns that pack first.
Do you know what you're doing?
*lights up* Yeah.
Okay, as long as you're aware...
Thank you. *sardonic eye roll*
Geez, I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. What to wear? I want the combat boots. Black re-made skirt? Have to find a cheap olive green shirt. Damn, I don't own a green shirt, except for that hand-painted shirt that I can't actually re-make because it's an expensive piece of clothing.
Where the hell did I get that anyway? I for sure didn't buy that... Oh yeah, my other brother gave that to me. Man's shirt for a girl. Go figure.
All black is sounding real good right about now. But which black shirt can I cut up? Everytime I actually have to dress up, I feel like I have to count pennies or something. It's like, argh... I can't describe it. Just that I'm not comfortable in my skin, in my clothes anymore.
Who the fucking hell am I?
Britney on the telly.
"Her ex, Colin Bautista, was the poster boy for the Perfect Man for All Ages. He was one of the more handsome men she had ever seen, with the soft, silky, beautifully black hair, wickedly bright black eyes, impeccably sharp nose, and yummiliciously sweet lips. Not to mention Colin was definitely a gentleman of the old tradition… most of the time, when he wasn't being mischievous. But even that, he managed to make into an adorably cute undertaking."
--> so whatcha think, Feifu, of Colin's description? Excerpt from my new orginal story.
I'm still working on the first chapter, and I need a title. Something highschoolishly adult, perhaps? Hmm... Die, Voldemort, Die maybe? hehehe disregard that...
hehehe
advert for CSI: Miami on AXN. Had to stop what I was doing to watch it. Doesn't matter how often I've seen that advert.
Oh yeah, I saw a preview for AXN's new programming, and I literally screamed with delight when I saw Horatio. ^___________________^ CSI: Miami second season is near!! My mantra would be: "Ignore SWMNBN." And "Don't despair coz H/C moments will come and will not be stopped by TPTB, no matter how delusional they may be." Or something along that line.
And I read in the ML that the actress playing SWMNBN said on a talk show (can't verify it so it could just be rumor or hearsay) that her character was a regular in the series because fans liked her chemistry with H.
Most were like, "what fans?" and "what chemistry?"
I tend to agree. I've seen her intro to the series before -- since I am saturating myself in reruns this time around -- and all I could see was a pretty cop who's brother-in-law in CSI was concerned about her. Seeing as her son is his last blood relative in the whole wide world...
"Pretty set decor" I think was someone else's description of her.
hehehe
H/C shippers 'til the end!
Good distraction for me these days: David Caruso or Horatio Caine. Whichever is there.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Damn it.
I hope my neighbours blow up their own heads, the way they're blowing up stuff JUST ACROSS THE STREET. It's not that I have anything against blowing things up, BUT at the very least, there has to be a higher purpose!
Geez!
I think they're using the typical explosives that're used during New Year's... loud and very nasty.
hehehe
I had a very brief thought that if I was a telekinetic, I could make that little bit of explosive triangle travel to his mouth and then it went KABOOM!!
hehehe evil me
I hope my neighbours blow up their own heads, the way they're blowing up stuff JUST ACROSS THE STREET. It's not that I have anything against blowing things up, BUT at the very least, there has to be a higher purpose!
Geez!
I think they're using the typical explosives that're used during New Year's... loud and very nasty.
hehehe
I had a very brief thought that if I was a telekinetic, I could make that little bit of explosive triangle travel to his mouth and then it went KABOOM!!
hehehe evil me
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I have no control of my life
I go where I'm told
I do what I'm told
I'm suicidal, I'm homicidal
I gotta stay away from sharp objects
I'm tired of smiling, for the camera and otherwise
I'm tired of it all
Let it end, crashing into the waves
Freedom of choice is a non-entity
I get asked only when they remember my existence
This isn't poetry -- it's terrible! -- but only a series of statements that ran through my mind when someone told me I had an appointment with a doctor so WE had to go somewhere to be able to get to the appointment on time.
Isn't it great?
My appointment, singular, and WE, plural, get to go.
How bloody fantastic!
Gods, as much as I'm tired of smiling, I gotta smile in this case coz otherwise I'd be screaming and breaking things and yelling and basically letting loose.
Thank God for Horatio who can distract me. And even then, I'm using him to kill off everyone.
I feel like even what and when I eat is under scrutiny. Even if I'm already full but there's still food on the table, I'm expected to eat the whole lot. No wonder my attempts at loosing weight is futile. Well, not exactly, because I could resist and turn out to be the ungrateful wench that I am.
Fun ain't it?
Like just now... I've already eaten rice with fish, and lotsa water -- drinking water to appease hunger pangs really works and fills you up good -- but then she arrived with food from a celebration. So she was already putting things in the fridge but then she said, "Oh yeah, you're gonna eat." Referring to me, of course.
Then she went to her room, and I unloaded everything from their foil wrappers. Cake, icing, foil wrapper. Of course the icing's gonna stick to the foil, so I ate the icing. I'm already full as I've been drinking water the whole day. Then I took one of the kakanin -- I think it was a cassava cake -- and halfway through eating it, I'm like, "have to take bite, have to take bite."
So I finish the cake, thank god it's a small portion, and... I had to take a sugar flower from the birthday cake.
It ain't my birthday.
I think i'm full to bursting, and my stomach is expanding again.
I hate me.
I go where I'm told
I do what I'm told
I'm suicidal, I'm homicidal
I gotta stay away from sharp objects
I'm tired of smiling, for the camera and otherwise
I'm tired of it all
Let it end, crashing into the waves
Freedom of choice is a non-entity
I get asked only when they remember my existence
This isn't poetry -- it's terrible! -- but only a series of statements that ran through my mind when someone told me I had an appointment with a doctor so WE had to go somewhere to be able to get to the appointment on time.
Isn't it great?
My appointment, singular, and WE, plural, get to go.
How bloody fantastic!
Gods, as much as I'm tired of smiling, I gotta smile in this case coz otherwise I'd be screaming and breaking things and yelling and basically letting loose.
Thank God for Horatio who can distract me. And even then, I'm using him to kill off everyone.
I feel like even what and when I eat is under scrutiny. Even if I'm already full but there's still food on the table, I'm expected to eat the whole lot. No wonder my attempts at loosing weight is futile. Well, not exactly, because I could resist and turn out to be the ungrateful wench that I am.
Fun ain't it?
Like just now... I've already eaten rice with fish, and lotsa water -- drinking water to appease hunger pangs really works and fills you up good -- but then she arrived with food from a celebration. So she was already putting things in the fridge but then she said, "Oh yeah, you're gonna eat." Referring to me, of course.
Then she went to her room, and I unloaded everything from their foil wrappers. Cake, icing, foil wrapper. Of course the icing's gonna stick to the foil, so I ate the icing. I'm already full as I've been drinking water the whole day. Then I took one of the kakanin -- I think it was a cassava cake -- and halfway through eating it, I'm like, "have to take bite, have to take bite."
So I finish the cake, thank god it's a small portion, and... I had to take a sugar flower from the birthday cake.
It ain't my birthday.
I think i'm full to bursting, and my stomach is expanding again.
I hate me.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Argh!
I can't believe THAT happened.
Okay, so it happened in a movie. Which I watched about a fortnight ago.
But that one scene that I glimpsed at was so totally... argh! OFF! It seemed so way off from the script!
Well, I can't really say that, can I? Coz it's part of the script that THAT happen, and it did happen, but still... Argh, no wonder I could only watch it in bits and pieces, coz it's bloody painful to watch.
I mean... argh. Gimme a break. Consistencies. Geez.
Come to think of it, I'm not that 100% sure if it was the same character, but I'm about 90% sure of it.
Right. Consistencies. So you're the guy's kid's babysitter. You lived in the apartment building, with your parents, so that makes you underage, a minor. Guy gets the big bad from Fate and gets thrown in prison for something that someone begged him to do, something that in the first place he didn't really want to do because he's changed and reformed and all that jazz.
Prison time. Visitation.
You're the babysitter. The kid has grandparents to take care of her. And they live off the city, so what in the name of all that's holy are you doing there? What do you care anyway?
So you care... What'll your parents think?
That's a bloody ex-con you're consorting with... well, maybe not consorting this time around (but definitely that later, which I can't stand)... and your parents let you go?
Guy gets out of prison, legally. They get married. They solve the crime, clear their name, whatever it is that good guys do to beat the bad guys. And they ride off in a modified pick-up truck.
Crikey. Crock. Cor, blimey.
Saw Britney Spear's new video, Everytime. People were saying that it was a portrayal of video? Come on! Why? Because it occured in a bathtub full of water? Somewhere that females have consistently used as a suicide avenue?
Don't think so.
Besides, the blood came from the back of her head. Can anyone really self-inflict a wound to the back of their head? I'm just curious here. But I don't think so. Statistically, it's always a blade to the wrist, or a gun to the mouth or the temple. Success rate-wise, gun to the mouth is better because there's just soft tissue there on the way to the brain.
Anyway, so there's blood on the back of her head. Question: where did that come from? In no scene that I remember in the video did she get hit at the back of her head. Her boyfriend throws stuff and is generally angry at the world, but he doesn't lay a finger on her. Well, except for that attempt at a conciliatory hug, which she rebuffed.
My reason for this: I've been wondering how it would be, that first instant of being dead. Will your soul/essence linger near your body or will it combine with the life force of the universe at once?
I'm not going anywhere near the heaven or hell question.
I won't be going with the family's outing to the beach. Reason: don't want to deal with people. That and I have my period and I don't want to have to worry about that over with how to act around them. Them being the family, technically, the family of the sister-in-law.
Not that I don't like them... but my contemporary with that family just left the country so... hehehe
Besides, gives me a chance to have some quality time with Illusion and H! That makes me happier. ^__^
What was that I heard in one show in Discovery...? Something about people having lost the comfort of face-to-face interaction in favor of cyber interaction. Heck, I don't mind that.
Except for re: my friends. It's always great to see them and spend time with them outside chat.
Family-wise though, an occasional face-to-face is enough.
*sigh*
I miss the days when I lived in the dorm. It was easier then, although I missed a heck of a lot of television shows. The beauty of cable.
It really is easier to get this out through using the computer, but for accessibility, I'll still go for pen and paper.
Speaking of which, I finally unearthed that Legolas notebook Paul gave me. Still in pristine condition, so that's good. What I'm planning on doing is peppering it with more Horatio Caine pics, to use as cover. Well, not so for the front panel, because that's Legolas out there.
Project for the near future: taping and securing the Legolas notebook with Horatio Caine pics, with a smattering of Maksim and Harry Potter just for the heck of it. So what if they'll be printed out of a really old-fashioned printer with all the pixels and in black and white?
hehehe
Idea: Hey, Feifu! How's your printer? I think I have some photopaper somewhere among my things, and I can always spring for the ink.
Hmm... need frame or frames... maybe I'll just laminate it...
Liar liar liar liar
Why is it so easy for some people to lie about stuff and/or reinvent that reality to suit themselves? And more often than not, I'm the bloody unwitting pawn in the deception.
Not to mention that I think I am getting infected with envy and jealousy, coloured by bitterness.
I need to get out of here, but I'm too complacent.
Damn me.
I can't believe THAT happened.
Okay, so it happened in a movie. Which I watched about a fortnight ago.
But that one scene that I glimpsed at was so totally... argh! OFF! It seemed so way off from the script!
Well, I can't really say that, can I? Coz it's part of the script that THAT happen, and it did happen, but still... Argh, no wonder I could only watch it in bits and pieces, coz it's bloody painful to watch.
I mean... argh. Gimme a break. Consistencies. Geez.
Come to think of it, I'm not that 100% sure if it was the same character, but I'm about 90% sure of it.
Right. Consistencies. So you're the guy's kid's babysitter. You lived in the apartment building, with your parents, so that makes you underage, a minor. Guy gets the big bad from Fate and gets thrown in prison for something that someone begged him to do, something that in the first place he didn't really want to do because he's changed and reformed and all that jazz.
Prison time. Visitation.
You're the babysitter. The kid has grandparents to take care of her. And they live off the city, so what in the name of all that's holy are you doing there? What do you care anyway?
So you care... What'll your parents think?
That's a bloody ex-con you're consorting with... well, maybe not consorting this time around (but definitely that later, which I can't stand)... and your parents let you go?
Guy gets out of prison, legally. They get married. They solve the crime, clear their name, whatever it is that good guys do to beat the bad guys. And they ride off in a modified pick-up truck.
Crikey. Crock. Cor, blimey.
Saw Britney Spear's new video, Everytime. People were saying that it was a portrayal of video? Come on! Why? Because it occured in a bathtub full of water? Somewhere that females have consistently used as a suicide avenue?
Don't think so.
Besides, the blood came from the back of her head. Can anyone really self-inflict a wound to the back of their head? I'm just curious here. But I don't think so. Statistically, it's always a blade to the wrist, or a gun to the mouth or the temple. Success rate-wise, gun to the mouth is better because there's just soft tissue there on the way to the brain.
Anyway, so there's blood on the back of her head. Question: where did that come from? In no scene that I remember in the video did she get hit at the back of her head. Her boyfriend throws stuff and is generally angry at the world, but he doesn't lay a finger on her. Well, except for that attempt at a conciliatory hug, which she rebuffed.
My reason for this: I've been wondering how it would be, that first instant of being dead. Will your soul/essence linger near your body or will it combine with the life force of the universe at once?
I'm not going anywhere near the heaven or hell question.
I won't be going with the family's outing to the beach. Reason: don't want to deal with people. That and I have my period and I don't want to have to worry about that over with how to act around them. Them being the family, technically, the family of the sister-in-law.
Not that I don't like them... but my contemporary with that family just left the country so... hehehe
Besides, gives me a chance to have some quality time with Illusion and H! That makes me happier. ^__^
What was that I heard in one show in Discovery...? Something about people having lost the comfort of face-to-face interaction in favor of cyber interaction. Heck, I don't mind that.
Except for re: my friends. It's always great to see them and spend time with them outside chat.
Family-wise though, an occasional face-to-face is enough.
*sigh*
I miss the days when I lived in the dorm. It was easier then, although I missed a heck of a lot of television shows. The beauty of cable.
It really is easier to get this out through using the computer, but for accessibility, I'll still go for pen and paper.
Speaking of which, I finally unearthed that Legolas notebook Paul gave me. Still in pristine condition, so that's good. What I'm planning on doing is peppering it with more Horatio Caine pics, to use as cover. Well, not so for the front panel, because that's Legolas out there.
Project for the near future: taping and securing the Legolas notebook with Horatio Caine pics, with a smattering of Maksim and Harry Potter just for the heck of it. So what if they'll be printed out of a really old-fashioned printer with all the pixels and in black and white?
hehehe
Idea: Hey, Feifu! How's your printer? I think I have some photopaper somewhere among my things, and I can always spring for the ink.
Hmm... need frame or frames... maybe I'll just laminate it...
Liar liar liar liar
Why is it so easy for some people to lie about stuff and/or reinvent that reality to suit themselves? And more often than not, I'm the bloody unwitting pawn in the deception.
Not to mention that I think I am getting infected with envy and jealousy, coloured by bitterness.
I need to get out of here, but I'm too complacent.
Damn me.
Friday, May 07, 2004
Cor.
The bloody computer's acting up again, acting all wonky and stuff. Add to that, my upper back and shoulder and neck all ache...
Oh yeah, perfect day.
Then I went ahead and read something that's left me unsettled. Damn it. Damned curiosity. No wonder it killed the bloody cat.
Speaking of cats... my goddaughter got bitten by one. Thankfully, it wasn't our cat. She got her shots today, or so I was told.
One of the kittens in the house got cat-napped by this tom... probably an entree by now. Mom-cat won't leave the two other kittens alone now.
The bloody computer's acting up again, acting all wonky and stuff. Add to that, my upper back and shoulder and neck all ache...
Oh yeah, perfect day.
Then I went ahead and read something that's left me unsettled. Damn it. Damned curiosity. No wonder it killed the bloody cat.
Speaking of cats... my goddaughter got bitten by one. Thankfully, it wasn't our cat. She got her shots today, or so I was told.
One of the kittens in the house got cat-napped by this tom... probably an entree by now. Mom-cat won't leave the two other kittens alone now.
Cor.
The bloody computer's acting up again, acting all wonky and stuff. Add to that, my upper back and shoulder and neck all ache...
Oh yeah, perfect day.
Then I went ahead and read something that's left me unsettled. Damn it. Damned curiosity. No wonder it killed the bloody cat.
Speaking of cats... my goddaughter got bitten by one. Thankfully, it wasn't our cat. She got her shots today, or so I was told.
One of the kittens in the house got cat-napped by this tom... probably an entree by now. Mom-cat won't leave the two other kittens alone now.
The bloody computer's acting up again, acting all wonky and stuff. Add to that, my upper back and shoulder and neck all ache...
Oh yeah, perfect day.
Then I went ahead and read something that's left me unsettled. Damn it. Damned curiosity. No wonder it killed the bloody cat.
Speaking of cats... my goddaughter got bitten by one. Thankfully, it wasn't our cat. She got her shots today, or so I was told.
One of the kittens in the house got cat-napped by this tom... probably an entree by now. Mom-cat won't leave the two other kittens alone now.
Monday, April 26, 2004
So...
Got David Caruso and Daniel Radcliffe today. Cool, ain't it? Trouble is, was watching their movies at the same time, different channels -- Kiss of Death and David Copperfield -- so guess what? Haven't got a clue on what happened with either movie.
Kiss of Death, yada yada yada, good guys ie Caruso et al win. Don't ask me how. Was laughing at certain parts, and was wincing at several.
Or was that laughing and wincing at David Copperfield?
Never mind, probably was laughing and wincing at both movies.
Cute. Hot.
hehehe
private journal.
The notebook that I made? Covered it with printed out copies of David Caruso as Horatio Caine. So what if it's black and white and pixelized? Just have to print out another set and I'm done. Only then can I cover it up with clear tape to protect it from the elements and stuff.
Can't wait for Monday -- back2back episodes of CSI: Miami, and I can watch them twice. To make sure, I take the remote control and keep it until I'm good and ready to give it up.
Now I'm feeling stupid for letting the reruns in WOWOW go to waste, as I didn't watch them religiously. In my defense, I can say that I wasn't that into it before, and this renewed interest only came recently.
Dang.
And Deb is right, there are a lot of H/C moments in season 1. I shudder to think of season 2, mainly because there's more Yelina there. Dang. What was it that was said about her? Eye candy and a romantic distraction? Total agreement.
Enough about them, I don't want to entertain homicidal thoughts today. It's my bloody birthday!
hehehe
Got cake, good thing it's mocha.
Drabble on and drabble on.
So anyway, just got finished with the rest of the Daniel Radcliffe marathon ie the two Harry Potter movies back2back. Crikey that was... interesting? tiring? Definitely the latter mainly because there were kids in the house during the first movie. Oh gods, gotta go out to get a birthday gift for my goddaughter and that's in two days time. Soft toy is always a fine thing to give especially for those under 3.
Ignored CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, again, so have to wait for it to be shown again. Is it even replayed at midnight or is there a different show altogether?
My black ballpen ran out of ink. I'm feeling out of sorts, can't write in the journal. Was given a ballpen but it ain't black, but violet. Eurgh! No thanks!
My 5 BOA. May 9 Glay.
Gods, it's my birthday.
Birthday gift to myself: a black ballpen, and if I can find it, that sticky plastic cover thing. And a haircut. Maybe change hair color? Hmm... how about a new phone with another line? Gotta think about that...
Was asked how I am as a drunk. Answer: haven't drank until drunk, always conscious of the fact that someone has to be somewhat sober whenever out drinking with dormmates before. Gods, that's practically an invite to everyone to get me drunk eh? Just to see how I am as a drunk? Hint: I quiet down, whenever we went out drinking. Miss those days.
Got to thinking about some of my HS classmates. Can I even call them friends when we've never really connected? Then and now? I've lost contact with those that I considered friends, I have no idea what's up with them in their lives.
Wonder how CB is?
hehehe
Anyone want to take a gander at who CB is?
Right.
Note to self: I owe Feifu a conversation.
Dang, I had a litany of things that I wanted to write down... What the hell happened to them?
Argh.
Got David Caruso and Daniel Radcliffe today. Cool, ain't it? Trouble is, was watching their movies at the same time, different channels -- Kiss of Death and David Copperfield -- so guess what? Haven't got a clue on what happened with either movie.
Kiss of Death, yada yada yada, good guys ie Caruso et al win. Don't ask me how. Was laughing at certain parts, and was wincing at several.
Or was that laughing and wincing at David Copperfield?
Never mind, probably was laughing and wincing at both movies.
Cute. Hot.
hehehe
private journal.
The notebook that I made? Covered it with printed out copies of David Caruso as Horatio Caine. So what if it's black and white and pixelized? Just have to print out another set and I'm done. Only then can I cover it up with clear tape to protect it from the elements and stuff.
Can't wait for Monday -- back2back episodes of CSI: Miami, and I can watch them twice. To make sure, I take the remote control and keep it until I'm good and ready to give it up.
Now I'm feeling stupid for letting the reruns in WOWOW go to waste, as I didn't watch them religiously. In my defense, I can say that I wasn't that into it before, and this renewed interest only came recently.
Dang.
And Deb is right, there are a lot of H/C moments in season 1. I shudder to think of season 2, mainly because there's more Yelina there. Dang. What was it that was said about her? Eye candy and a romantic distraction? Total agreement.
Enough about them, I don't want to entertain homicidal thoughts today. It's my bloody birthday!
hehehe
Got cake, good thing it's mocha.
Drabble on and drabble on.
So anyway, just got finished with the rest of the Daniel Radcliffe marathon ie the two Harry Potter movies back2back. Crikey that was... interesting? tiring? Definitely the latter mainly because there were kids in the house during the first movie. Oh gods, gotta go out to get a birthday gift for my goddaughter and that's in two days time. Soft toy is always a fine thing to give especially for those under 3.
Ignored CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, again, so have to wait for it to be shown again. Is it even replayed at midnight or is there a different show altogether?
My black ballpen ran out of ink. I'm feeling out of sorts, can't write in the journal. Was given a ballpen but it ain't black, but violet. Eurgh! No thanks!
My 5 BOA. May 9 Glay.
Gods, it's my birthday.
Birthday gift to myself: a black ballpen, and if I can find it, that sticky plastic cover thing. And a haircut. Maybe change hair color? Hmm... how about a new phone with another line? Gotta think about that...
Was asked how I am as a drunk. Answer: haven't drank until drunk, always conscious of the fact that someone has to be somewhat sober whenever out drinking with dormmates before. Gods, that's practically an invite to everyone to get me drunk eh? Just to see how I am as a drunk? Hint: I quiet down, whenever we went out drinking. Miss those days.
Got to thinking about some of my HS classmates. Can I even call them friends when we've never really connected? Then and now? I've lost contact with those that I considered friends, I have no idea what's up with them in their lives.
Wonder how CB is?
hehehe
Anyone want to take a gander at who CB is?
Right.
Note to self: I owe Feifu a conversation.
Dang, I had a litany of things that I wanted to write down... What the hell happened to them?
Argh.
Monday, April 19, 2004
hehehe found a card...
just for the heck of it...
You are a 'SHIPPER! You go crazy over scenes that
contain romantic tension between your two
favorite characters.
What kind of CSI fan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
and it's early morning, like close to 2am when i answered the quz.
going through withdrawal?
nah, don't think so. i really just don't like company these days. gods, i'm getting to be a hermit!
H!
just for the heck of it...
You are a 'SHIPPER! You go crazy over scenes that
contain romantic tension between your two
favorite characters.
What kind of CSI fan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
and it's early morning, like close to 2am when i answered the quz.
going through withdrawal?
nah, don't think so. i really just don't like company these days. gods, i'm getting to be a hermit!
H!
Saturday, April 10, 2004
I have just found a new... distraction, if you will. While Harry Potter is still definitely one of the better distractions out there for me ever, there's now CSI: Miami. hehehe
Yeah well, it all started one night when I was watching CSI: Miami and I noticed how sweet Horatio and Calleigh were. hehehe I do have to admit that even from that first episode tie-in with CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, I've always thought that Horatio and Calleigh would be a cute couple.
Not to mention that they do have interesting cases.
And Horatio is one intense guy. Cute though, especially with his habitual posture. Really hot.
Not to say that Speed and Delko aren't cute, but Horatio's a heck of a lot cuter and hotter than them. Not to mention Hagen, but please, he's not even in the same class as Horatio, big hulking Neanderthal that he is with his pathetic attitude. Bleargh.
It'll be Horatio, hands down, every time.
Personally though, I'd be terrified of Horatio Caine. He's a complex character/person, and someone who has had a lot happen to him in the course of his life. While it is very easy to look up to him for it, admire him for it, getting close to him would be a trial.
I can't deal with his emotional baggage; the very idea of tackling it all is very terrifying. I'm best served to have him up there on a pedestal of my mind.
It's so bloody easy to disappear and be invisible.
*sigh*
The one thing that I don't like about this particular week is that some of my more regular television programs are not in the offing. That and I have bloody competition for the remote. I have nothing against cartoons -- far from it -- but there are other programs to watch.
I mean, there's only so much cartoons that one can take, right?
Then again, I'd be happy to watch nothing on the telly than music videos. But even then, I do find some videos boring so you can say that I do select the videos that I watch.
Gah.
I think what I'm saying is... diversification is good.
It's so bloody annoying to not be able to verbalize whatever it is that you want said.
I just remembered something somewhat traumatizing... Hugo Weaving. Jason Isaacs. In drag.
I'm traumatized.
'Nuff said.
Yeah well, it all started one night when I was watching CSI: Miami and I noticed how sweet Horatio and Calleigh were. hehehe I do have to admit that even from that first episode tie-in with CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, I've always thought that Horatio and Calleigh would be a cute couple.
Not to mention that they do have interesting cases.
And Horatio is one intense guy. Cute though, especially with his habitual posture. Really hot.
Not to say that Speed and Delko aren't cute, but Horatio's a heck of a lot cuter and hotter than them. Not to mention Hagen, but please, he's not even in the same class as Horatio, big hulking Neanderthal that he is with his pathetic attitude. Bleargh.
It'll be Horatio, hands down, every time.
Personally though, I'd be terrified of Horatio Caine. He's a complex character/person, and someone who has had a lot happen to him in the course of his life. While it is very easy to look up to him for it, admire him for it, getting close to him would be a trial.
I can't deal with his emotional baggage; the very idea of tackling it all is very terrifying. I'm best served to have him up there on a pedestal of my mind.
It's so bloody easy to disappear and be invisible.
*sigh*
The one thing that I don't like about this particular week is that some of my more regular television programs are not in the offing. That and I have bloody competition for the remote. I have nothing against cartoons -- far from it -- but there are other programs to watch.
I mean, there's only so much cartoons that one can take, right?
Then again, I'd be happy to watch nothing on the telly than music videos. But even then, I do find some videos boring so you can say that I do select the videos that I watch.
Gah.
I think what I'm saying is... diversification is good.
It's so bloody annoying to not be able to verbalize whatever it is that you want said.
I just remembered something somewhat traumatizing... Hugo Weaving. Jason Isaacs. In drag.
I'm traumatized.
'Nuff said.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Oh sure, blame me. I'm to blame for everything. Even the ruddy water tank breaking down is my ruddy fault!
I know that it's one of the suggested ways to relieve stress -- write things down or talk to someone -- but everytime that I attempt that, all my thoughts are in a jumble and I can't make sense of them.
What I do know is that I want to be left alone.
That I want my life to be my life and not have someone plan it out for me to live in.
I ruddy well hate that.
So much so that I want to scream.
But of course, I can't scream because that wouldn't be becoming behaviour for someone like me, right?
Right.
Repression is such a lovely word.
One of these days, do not be surprised if you see me with several marks on my arms.
I actually have a plan about that, only part of the plan involves getting out of the house and I don't feel up to facing the mass of people outside. Wouldn't it be wonderful if my contact with the outside world was limited to chatting on the Net with just my friends and no one else?
Here's part of the dream I had last night: I didn't have to deal with any blood kin at all, which was cool, since the only one I had to deal with was my husband. Cool, ne? Thing is, I'm not married.
Heh.
Organizing my thoughts while I am angry is more than I am capable of. Because I am angry, rather, more than angry.
If I don't want to deal with something, isn't it my prerogrative to not deal with it, mainly because it's my bloody life?! My life, my choices, my mistakes, my faults, my LIFE! MINE and no one else's!
Gods, I'm getting worked up again and I've just only recently calmed down.
Hn. People surely must be tired of reading such things -- same things eh? -- over and over again, eh?
Screw you.
Then again, I can not write about... until the next time that I feel cutting myself up into cubes and throwing the whole lot into a big pan of lard.
Calm is good.
What was it that I read in Reader's Digest lately? Something about laughter being the best way to reduce stress?
Yeah, only I have to find some stuff to make me laugh, things that I like, stuff that I want to read about to make me laugh.
That's where Harry Potter fanfiction come in.
I really love the stuff. I have a few favorites and they never fail to lift me up from a mood. Of course, there are some that I read just to take me down when I feel like it -- even shed a few tears here and there...
But that's mine as well, right?
Mine. No one else's.
It's always like after the initial rush of indignation and anger, that it'll always be by default my fault that everything got screwed up, y'know? And it makes sense! If I hadn't been like this, then that wouldn't have happened, and no one would be miserable.
Guilt complex?
Nah. Don't think so. Just got too used to being the one at fault. It always is. Runs with being the youngest, ya think?
I get so mad sometimes that I can see myself just punching something and destroying something, just to let out that... emotion. It's sooo fucking satisfying!
But of course, I can't do that because that wouldn't be proper.
Even cursing is taboo... well, I can get away with bitch and shit, but that's bloody normal. It's fuck that I still can't say.
Damn that Catholic upbringing.
The Passion of the Christ. I saw a "behind the scene" kinda thing about it, in EWTN of all places. Interviews with the director, producer, actors... It was cool, and there were snippets of the film in between interviews.
I wanna see it, of course, because I hear it's quite... brutal. I think Mel Gibson's words on it was. "It's raw."
Cool.
And there's this angel-devil thing movie starring Penelope Cruz? hehehe I wanna see that as well.
Satan in the Passion is played by a female but is voiced by a male. SPOILER? NOT! hehehe Could've been creepy if I wasn't such a sceptic.
Huh.
I'm calming down.
Must be Daniel Radcliffe on the telly.
Oh yeah...
http://pages.prodigy.net/hpdevo/quiz/
Which HP Kid Are You?
I know that it's one of the suggested ways to relieve stress -- write things down or talk to someone -- but everytime that I attempt that, all my thoughts are in a jumble and I can't make sense of them.
What I do know is that I want to be left alone.
That I want my life to be my life and not have someone plan it out for me to live in.
I ruddy well hate that.
So much so that I want to scream.
But of course, I can't scream because that wouldn't be becoming behaviour for someone like me, right?
Right.
Repression is such a lovely word.
One of these days, do not be surprised if you see me with several marks on my arms.
I actually have a plan about that, only part of the plan involves getting out of the house and I don't feel up to facing the mass of people outside. Wouldn't it be wonderful if my contact with the outside world was limited to chatting on the Net with just my friends and no one else?
Here's part of the dream I had last night: I didn't have to deal with any blood kin at all, which was cool, since the only one I had to deal with was my husband. Cool, ne? Thing is, I'm not married.
Heh.
Organizing my thoughts while I am angry is more than I am capable of. Because I am angry, rather, more than angry.
If I don't want to deal with something, isn't it my prerogrative to not deal with it, mainly because it's my bloody life?! My life, my choices, my mistakes, my faults, my LIFE! MINE and no one else's!
Gods, I'm getting worked up again and I've just only recently calmed down.
Hn. People surely must be tired of reading such things -- same things eh? -- over and over again, eh?
Screw you.
Then again, I can not write about... until the next time that I feel cutting myself up into cubes and throwing the whole lot into a big pan of lard.
Calm is good.
What was it that I read in Reader's Digest lately? Something about laughter being the best way to reduce stress?
Yeah, only I have to find some stuff to make me laugh, things that I like, stuff that I want to read about to make me laugh.
That's where Harry Potter fanfiction come in.
I really love the stuff. I have a few favorites and they never fail to lift me up from a mood. Of course, there are some that I read just to take me down when I feel like it -- even shed a few tears here and there...
But that's mine as well, right?
Mine. No one else's.
It's always like after the initial rush of indignation and anger, that it'll always be by default my fault that everything got screwed up, y'know? And it makes sense! If I hadn't been like this, then that wouldn't have happened, and no one would be miserable.
Guilt complex?
Nah. Don't think so. Just got too used to being the one at fault. It always is. Runs with being the youngest, ya think?
I get so mad sometimes that I can see myself just punching something and destroying something, just to let out that... emotion. It's sooo fucking satisfying!
But of course, I can't do that because that wouldn't be proper.
Even cursing is taboo... well, I can get away with bitch and shit, but that's bloody normal. It's fuck that I still can't say.
Damn that Catholic upbringing.
The Passion of the Christ. I saw a "behind the scene" kinda thing about it, in EWTN of all places. Interviews with the director, producer, actors... It was cool, and there were snippets of the film in between interviews.
I wanna see it, of course, because I hear it's quite... brutal. I think Mel Gibson's words on it was. "It's raw."
Cool.
And there's this angel-devil thing movie starring Penelope Cruz? hehehe I wanna see that as well.
Satan in the Passion is played by a female but is voiced by a male. SPOILER? NOT! hehehe Could've been creepy if I wasn't such a sceptic.
Huh.
I'm calming down.
Must be Daniel Radcliffe on the telly.
Oh yeah...
http://pages.prodigy.net/hpdevo/quiz/
Which HP Kid Are You?
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Monday, March 08, 2004
Funny, just a few hours ago, I felt like it would be a great idea to just end everything. I mean, how do you go on when you know that you're just an added baggage to the rest of the people around you?
Just last night, I was running my nails (and they're quite long now) across my wrist, across my pulse. I was actually hoping to see blood! hehehe When that failed, I scratched the back of my wrist -- only one nail managed to sink through enough to cause a scratch. It hurt, actually.
hehehe
So what brought this on again?
Feeling as though your life is not your own, that decisions that should really only concern you and should be made by you are being done by other people, that the things that you've been told since you've been little are just coming into fruition as according to other people.
Small things like that.
It's only been now after a few hours of alone time in front of the computer doing stuff that I like doing that I've calmed down. That and screaming out a few lines of a Linkin Park song; I love that band.
Megalomaniac helped as well.
Dang, I had a list last night...
useless, excess baggage, naive, helpless, hopeless, can't do anything for yourself, stupid, idiot, ugly, fat, bad influence, always in need of supervision, pathetic
I have half a mind to email someone to lend me money so I could get away from here.
Wanna know a secret?
I've never been free. It's never been just "me" coz it's always been "us" and it's stifling at times. Escape is always a happy thought, and that's ANY kind of escape. I thought I could have achieved that when I got the job, but I didn't, coz, lo and behold! It's not just me who has the job, but us who has the job.
Wonderful.
Just bloody wonderful.
I could have touched on this topic a number of times already, but don't expect for this to end any time soon.
Why not break free? On my own?
Refer to the list above.
Even if I did, they would always find a way to make me feel that, and thus I fall under their auspices again.
And of course, let's not forget that any and all of my interests automatically become their interests as well. I can't laugh at anything or comment on anything without there being a question: What're you laughing at? delivered in the tone that indicates that they'll probably laugh at it as well.
It's such a bloody wonderful world, ne?
Somebody kill me. Please.
This is one of the other reasons that I love Japanese songs: when I sing along with the songs, no one can sing along with me, coz they don't know the words of the song. Marry me Gackt!! I'll be your nth concubine if you want!
When you let go of the remote control for the television, you bid farewell to what you're watching. Period.
Is it healthy to be concerned about sex?
Maybe it's just that there'd been 2 weddings here at my place, but have you guys ever wondered what it would be like for you? The wedding I mean... Well, okay, we can insert sex talk if you want... hehehe
Just last night, I was running my nails (and they're quite long now) across my wrist, across my pulse. I was actually hoping to see blood! hehehe When that failed, I scratched the back of my wrist -- only one nail managed to sink through enough to cause a scratch. It hurt, actually.
hehehe
So what brought this on again?
Feeling as though your life is not your own, that decisions that should really only concern you and should be made by you are being done by other people, that the things that you've been told since you've been little are just coming into fruition as according to other people.
Small things like that.
It's only been now after a few hours of alone time in front of the computer doing stuff that I like doing that I've calmed down. That and screaming out a few lines of a Linkin Park song; I love that band.
Megalomaniac helped as well.
Dang, I had a list last night...
useless, excess baggage, naive, helpless, hopeless, can't do anything for yourself, stupid, idiot, ugly, fat, bad influence, always in need of supervision, pathetic
I have half a mind to email someone to lend me money so I could get away from here.
Wanna know a secret?
I've never been free. It's never been just "me" coz it's always been "us" and it's stifling at times. Escape is always a happy thought, and that's ANY kind of escape. I thought I could have achieved that when I got the job, but I didn't, coz, lo and behold! It's not just me who has the job, but us who has the job.
Wonderful.
Just bloody wonderful.
I could have touched on this topic a number of times already, but don't expect for this to end any time soon.
Why not break free? On my own?
Refer to the list above.
Even if I did, they would always find a way to make me feel that, and thus I fall under their auspices again.
And of course, let's not forget that any and all of my interests automatically become their interests as well. I can't laugh at anything or comment on anything without there being a question: What're you laughing at? delivered in the tone that indicates that they'll probably laugh at it as well.
It's such a bloody wonderful world, ne?
Somebody kill me. Please.
This is one of the other reasons that I love Japanese songs: when I sing along with the songs, no one can sing along with me, coz they don't know the words of the song. Marry me Gackt!! I'll be your nth concubine if you want!
When you let go of the remote control for the television, you bid farewell to what you're watching. Period.
Is it healthy to be concerned about sex?
Maybe it's just that there'd been 2 weddings here at my place, but have you guys ever wondered what it would be like for you? The wedding I mean... Well, okay, we can insert sex talk if you want... hehehe
Friday, March 05, 2004
It's four in the afternoon and I've just gotten out of bed. Lazy ain't I?
Anyway...
I dreamt of James. And I mean the one and only James Xavier Blanco from Illusion. I'm not actually quite sure how I knew for certain that it was James but it really was James, I swear. He was quite a solid mass in my arms when we embraced.
Oh my god, I didn't know how sweet he could be...! He really is a sweet guy ^___^
The one scene that I do remember clearly is that we were in some kind of office, in that we accompanied someone there and he was hooked into giving blood. I don't know if I gave blood but all throughout that entire process, James was lying down on the couch with his head on my lap. We were talking about something and we were laughing about it.
Oh my god, he was the perfectly ideal boyfriend, ever!
Somehow, some way, we were walking along the pathway in my old grade school. I was giving him a tour of the place, pointing out my old classrooms. We were going to the school playground, which was a ways off the main clump of buildings of the school, near which were the classrooms for the 6th grade. We were talking the stairway and some people were using the inclined path, and he asked me about Allan.
This Allan was my grade school classmate Allan, and I think he was asking me why he was using the inclined path and not the stairway, so I replied he was using it to build endurance since he was a scrawny thing then. I dunno, James seemed quite... jealous...?
hehehe
There were lots of hand-holding, hugs, embraces, but there weren't any kisses. Dang, I hated that! No kissing?! I mean, come on! Geez!
Anyway...
I dreamt of James. And I mean the one and only James Xavier Blanco from Illusion. I'm not actually quite sure how I knew for certain that it was James but it really was James, I swear. He was quite a solid mass in my arms when we embraced.
Oh my god, I didn't know how sweet he could be...! He really is a sweet guy ^___^
The one scene that I do remember clearly is that we were in some kind of office, in that we accompanied someone there and he was hooked into giving blood. I don't know if I gave blood but all throughout that entire process, James was lying down on the couch with his head on my lap. We were talking about something and we were laughing about it.
Oh my god, he was the perfectly ideal boyfriend, ever!
Somehow, some way, we were walking along the pathway in my old grade school. I was giving him a tour of the place, pointing out my old classrooms. We were going to the school playground, which was a ways off the main clump of buildings of the school, near which were the classrooms for the 6th grade. We were talking the stairway and some people were using the inclined path, and he asked me about Allan.
This Allan was my grade school classmate Allan, and I think he was asking me why he was using the inclined path and not the stairway, so I replied he was using it to build endurance since he was a scrawny thing then. I dunno, James seemed quite... jealous...?
hehehe
There were lots of hand-holding, hugs, embraces, but there weren't any kisses. Dang, I hated that! No kissing?! I mean, come on! Geez!
Thursday, March 04, 2004
It's been a long time.
Yeah, it's a lame opening but it's all I got.
So anyway. I got a job, I quit the job. hehehe That's the short version. In addition to that, I just discovered that I go this nifty little 3cm x 2cm x 2cm nodular goiter at the right side of my throat! ^__^
Talking for 8 hours straight is just not for me. I can go 24 hours without saying more than 24 words altogether, and that's just fine and dandy with me. Of course, that's not counting the grunts and hn's or hmph's and the other nice 'sound' words that usually accompany my vocabulary.
There's going to be two weddings here this weekend, both neighbours and friends of mine, and I'm only invited to one. Funny, ne?
The one that I'm invited to, I'm friends with both the bride and groom. The groom and I grew up together -- considering our houses are right next to each other -- and the bride and I got to be friends over the period of time that she'd come to live with him and their children.
The one I'm not invited to, I used to think I was friends with the bride; don't know the groom. I remember playing with her and her siblings when we were kids, and we went to the same high school together. So alright, we weren't in the same section EVER in the four years of high school, but we did have the same school service, considering her house is right across the street from mine.
So anyway, it's kinda funny, but I've never really paid attention to whatever feud is happening between and among the families here in our little slice of paradise, though it seems to me that there's a feud going on involving us. I have honestly no idea what went down re: that.
What else is new?
I'm taking herbal medicine, all six of them, three times a day after meals with warm water. For that nodular goiter thing? And then there's this infrared therapy thing going on -- you place this gizmo of light against the ouchie and after a period of time it'll go away. Heck, the recommendation came from a cured cancer patient, in that she only had 3 to 5 months to live and the meds of this herbologist cured her properly.
I've gained weight. I'm thinking of getting this herbal medicine as well that's designed for weight loss. Of course, I have to pair that up with a game of volleyball against the wall when I can, seeing as I don't have anyone to play badminton with here. Hmm... wonder if there's a club I could go to...
Argh. Then there's this diet... well, it's not exactly a diet but more of a list of things that I can't have: coffee, cabbage, eggplant, cold drinks, sour food, soft drinks, fat (pork, beef, chicken), salty food, food with preservatives, fried and oily food, food with coconut cream, salt water fish (I think), innards, legumes, rootcrops, shrimp, squid, crab. What else can I have?
Yeah, it's a lame opening but it's all I got.
So anyway. I got a job, I quit the job. hehehe That's the short version. In addition to that, I just discovered that I go this nifty little 3cm x 2cm x 2cm nodular goiter at the right side of my throat! ^__^
Talking for 8 hours straight is just not for me. I can go 24 hours without saying more than 24 words altogether, and that's just fine and dandy with me. Of course, that's not counting the grunts and hn's or hmph's and the other nice 'sound' words that usually accompany my vocabulary.
There's going to be two weddings here this weekend, both neighbours and friends of mine, and I'm only invited to one. Funny, ne?
The one that I'm invited to, I'm friends with both the bride and groom. The groom and I grew up together -- considering our houses are right next to each other -- and the bride and I got to be friends over the period of time that she'd come to live with him and their children.
The one I'm not invited to, I used to think I was friends with the bride; don't know the groom. I remember playing with her and her siblings when we were kids, and we went to the same high school together. So alright, we weren't in the same section EVER in the four years of high school, but we did have the same school service, considering her house is right across the street from mine.
So anyway, it's kinda funny, but I've never really paid attention to whatever feud is happening between and among the families here in our little slice of paradise, though it seems to me that there's a feud going on involving us. I have honestly no idea what went down re: that.
What else is new?
I'm taking herbal medicine, all six of them, three times a day after meals with warm water. For that nodular goiter thing? And then there's this infrared therapy thing going on -- you place this gizmo of light against the ouchie and after a period of time it'll go away. Heck, the recommendation came from a cured cancer patient, in that she only had 3 to 5 months to live and the meds of this herbologist cured her properly.
I've gained weight. I'm thinking of getting this herbal medicine as well that's designed for weight loss. Of course, I have to pair that up with a game of volleyball against the wall when I can, seeing as I don't have anyone to play badminton with here. Hmm... wonder if there's a club I could go to...
Argh. Then there's this diet... well, it's not exactly a diet but more of a list of things that I can't have: coffee, cabbage, eggplant, cold drinks, sour food, soft drinks, fat (pork, beef, chicken), salty food, food with preservatives, fried and oily food, food with coconut cream, salt water fish (I think), innards, legumes, rootcrops, shrimp, squid, crab. What else can I have?
Monday, January 26, 2004
Megalomaniac
Incubus
I hear you on the radio
You permeate my screen, its' unkind but
If I met you in a scissor fight
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone
On principle alone
Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
Step down
If I were your appendages
I'd hold open your eyes
So you would see
That all of us are heaven sent
There was never meant to be only one
To be only one
Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
Step down
Yeah
You're no Jesus
You're not Elvis
...
You're no answer
Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
"In The Shadows"
THE RASMUS
No sleep
No sleep untill I am done with finding the answer
Wont stop
Wont stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
In the shadows
In the shadows
They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me feel me, come take me higher
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
I been watching
I been waiting
I been searching
I been living for tomorrows
In the shadows
In the shadows
I've been waiting
Swing, Swing
The All American Rejects
Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.
Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new
Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.
Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.
Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)
okay, so that's that. I don't want to say anything more.
Argh! Guys! I wanna talk to you guys! Argh!
Problems!
Incubus
I hear you on the radio
You permeate my screen, its' unkind but
If I met you in a scissor fight
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone
On principle alone
Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
Step down
If I were your appendages
I'd hold open your eyes
So you would see
That all of us are heaven sent
There was never meant to be only one
To be only one
Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
Step down
Yeah
You're no Jesus
You're not Elvis
...
You're no answer
Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
"In The Shadows"
THE RASMUS
No sleep
No sleep untill I am done with finding the answer
Wont stop
Wont stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
In the shadows
In the shadows
They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me feel me, come take me higher
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
I been watching
I been waiting
I been searching
I been living for tomorrows
In the shadows
In the shadows
I've been waiting
Swing, Swing
The All American Rejects
Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.
Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new
Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.
Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.
Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)
okay, so that's that. I don't want to say anything more.
Argh! Guys! I wanna talk to you guys! Argh!
Problems!
Damn.
hehehe
Something I wanna put here but I can't as I'm not too sure if this screen I'm using is not being "saved" for later viewing of the all poweful company hehehe
Big Brother symptoms, I wonder?
heck, it's all there in black and white anyway.
So I guess I'll have to do this the old fashioned way of paper and pen. When I have the time.
hehehe
Something I wanna put here but I can't as I'm not too sure if this screen I'm using is not being "saved" for later viewing of the all poweful company hehehe
Big Brother symptoms, I wonder?
heck, it's all there in black and white anyway.
So I guess I'll have to do this the old fashioned way of paper and pen. When I have the time.
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Wai! Final Exam over!!
(Un)fortunately, depending on your point of view, I passed the damned thing. Well, alright, no need to bite my head off...! That's just the way I feel about the thing! Sheesh!
This is a very... I don't know, intimidating job? Coz we're not just directory assistance and what not -- they have it easy as they can actually have cheat sheets, and some can even have a buddy to pair up with to help them out during the whole training thing -- AND WE DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT!!
It can suck to be in financial services.
*sigh* I guess I have to see how this is when I really go live, like not in training anymore. Can anyone find where my stomach went to? I think it left my body with all the wriggling it's doing, and the damned bats flying about there in nerves.
So what else is new?
I want to meet this Alan Canlas.
I want to move to somewhere near the office.
Damn I forgot to call McDo about the interview. If I'm gonna go down in this industry, I might as well look into another industry. Damn. I hope to the high heavens that they can reschedule me for next week...!
Sleep deprived.
Tired.
Nervous.
Apprehensive.
And I'm listening to Britney Spears over at launch.yahoo.com
Go figure.
(Un)fortunately, depending on your point of view, I passed the damned thing. Well, alright, no need to bite my head off...! That's just the way I feel about the thing! Sheesh!
This is a very... I don't know, intimidating job? Coz we're not just directory assistance and what not -- they have it easy as they can actually have cheat sheets, and some can even have a buddy to pair up with to help them out during the whole training thing -- AND WE DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT!!
It can suck to be in financial services.
*sigh* I guess I have to see how this is when I really go live, like not in training anymore. Can anyone find where my stomach went to? I think it left my body with all the wriggling it's doing, and the damned bats flying about there in nerves.
So what else is new?
I want to meet this Alan Canlas.
I want to move to somewhere near the office.
Damn I forgot to call McDo about the interview. If I'm gonna go down in this industry, I might as well look into another industry. Damn. I hope to the high heavens that they can reschedule me for next week...!
Sleep deprived.
Tired.
Nervous.
Apprehensive.
And I'm listening to Britney Spears over at launch.yahoo.com
Go figure.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Wai!! Final Exam!! I think I failed the darned thing, and I forgot to call McDo to reset my interview! Argh! Sleep deprivation? Think McDo will reconsider me if I went to their Head Office immediately after I find out that I failed the Final Exam and interview me then and there?
Hope so...
I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed!
Continue pasting until it's true.
Hope so...
I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed! I can't be depressed!
Continue pasting until it's true.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
hehehe I have a best friend in the workplace ^__^;; and it ain't in the 'best friend' sense that I consider Feifu, Saint, and Seika in.
So man, I am just going to smile and grin and bear it out with the m**********r and grin some more.
BWAHAHAHA and I had no freaking idea I was ticked off until my seatmate mentioned that I was blogging. Ain't life grand? I could actually post what ticked me off, but there are people behind me and they could bloody well read this. It's quite different if they read it as I post it rather than if they read it at the blog itself. Not that they know my blog address, but heck, that's what it's about.
I'm probably sleeping -- heck, there's no probably about it, I am -- sleeping in the sleep room in the other building. I just hope I can get a bed immediately. And damned if I think I'm going to take an over-time later on. I'll be off at around twelve midnight so... *sigh* Then I want to get the medical thing over and done with before I tackle getting my NBI clearance.
Damn, the sounds here.... Wish you guys could hear it in here...
I miss Genrou's mp3 collection. I miss Gackt. I miss L'arc en Ciel. I miss Ayatsuri Sakon. I miss Glay. I even miss Morning Musume! And Utada Hikaru and Ayumi Hamazaki. I want to hear Sophia again -- I miss watching their video of Little Red Riding Hood bloodying up the Big Bad Wolf.
So man, I am just going to smile and grin and bear it out with the m**********r and grin some more.
BWAHAHAHA and I had no freaking idea I was ticked off until my seatmate mentioned that I was blogging. Ain't life grand? I could actually post what ticked me off, but there are people behind me and they could bloody well read this. It's quite different if they read it as I post it rather than if they read it at the blog itself. Not that they know my blog address, but heck, that's what it's about.
I'm probably sleeping -- heck, there's no probably about it, I am -- sleeping in the sleep room in the other building. I just hope I can get a bed immediately. And damned if I think I'm going to take an over-time later on. I'll be off at around twelve midnight so... *sigh* Then I want to get the medical thing over and done with before I tackle getting my NBI clearance.
Damn, the sounds here.... Wish you guys could hear it in here...
I miss Genrou's mp3 collection. I miss Gackt. I miss L'arc en Ciel. I miss Ayatsuri Sakon. I miss Glay. I even miss Morning Musume! And Utada Hikaru and Ayumi Hamazaki. I want to hear Sophia again -- I miss watching their video of Little Red Riding Hood bloodying up the Big Bad Wolf.
Monday, January 19, 2004
I'm at work and I'm updating my blog. hehehe Well, it's not oficially my call time -- which is 3pm -- so it's alright.
People, how are you?
Feifu's feeling... nostalgic? And Seika, I am not going to hang her because of that, just because I am feeling nostalgic as well. It's... difficult to get used to this new dynamic that is my life. For the past two years, all I've done is lay about the house and nothing much. Now, I have a bloodys schedule to follow and it's taking my body quite a while to adjust.
Three o'clock is approaching and I have to go.
Bye.
People, how are you?
Feifu's feeling... nostalgic? And Seika, I am not going to hang her because of that, just because I am feeling nostalgic as well. It's... difficult to get used to this new dynamic that is my life. For the past two years, all I've done is lay about the house and nothing much. Now, I have a bloodys schedule to follow and it's taking my body quite a while to adjust.
Three o'clock is approaching and I have to go.
Bye.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
*sigh*
*really heavy sigh*
*deep breath*
*sigh*
I'm technically working now, like I have a job.
I know, it's positively scary. Well, I'm in training right now so all I've done is sit in classes and imbibe whatever knowledge our facilitators are giving us.
It's been a hectic week:
Friday: walk-in applicant. primary interview. exam.
Saturday: job offer. contract signing.
Monday: start training.
Can anyone say Fast?
But it's cool. It's intimidating to say the least, especially for someone who hasn't been doing much of anything for the past couple of years except laze about in the house and write.
Speaking of writing... Illusion will have to be put on hold. At least until I can get a proper handle on what my schedule is going to be for the duration of my probationary period.
I was actually thinking of as soon as I don't feel like I could sleep for a month, then I'll think of sitting in front of the PC and write Illusion again. I am just thankful that Mildred hasn't been bugging me to write her part right now. For that matter, James my dear is being a very good boy and keeping quiet.
Did I mention that the computer in the house went kaput again?
Yup, so all my files went kaput as well. I can sympathize with you Feifu! Terrible. But good thing I uploaded my back-up files in my briefcase.
I actually am home right now, right as I am writing this. I suppose I could have used the PC at the office but I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. I mean, I can browse whatever sites I usually browse there and check my emails but writing out my thoughts in my blog... it's just not my thing. I'll wait until I can get somewhere a bit more... not officey, like at home or at a Net cafe or something.
So far, it's been good. And tiring. I won't deny that. It's a bloody hassle having to commute! I want to have a place near the work place, so much more convenient than commuting, I tell you. Especially when my work really starts, and it's at graveyard!
hehehe reminds me of Anna hehehe ^__^;; wish I had a James.
So Feifu, how's James-like doing? hehehe And then you suddenly find out that he's reading your blog ^__^;; oh my...
Saint, I'm game to meet the guy. Of course I'm game! You recommended him! hehehe and it helps that you say he looks like Johnny Depp. I'm kinda curious though as to why you said that we'll get along better.
But the thing is, Saint, that I don't know when I can meet with him, and you for that matter; my schedule's a bit wacky at the moment. As soon as it settles down, I'll let you know.
And Saint, does this mean we won't be roommates any time soon? *pout*
Tin, I'm sorry I couldn't go with you on Sunday to see a movie ^__^;; I suddenly decided to go home. I really need some place to rest where I know I can really sleep in and just be. We'll watch a movie soon, I promise. And don't forget about that song for David you said you'll write a story for, alright? As long as you study and handle your thesis first, of course.
Who else reads my blog anyway?
To whom it may concern, I hope you have a great time in my blog. And don't hesitate to email me your comments.
See yah!
*really heavy sigh*
*deep breath*
*sigh*
I'm technically working now, like I have a job.
I know, it's positively scary. Well, I'm in training right now so all I've done is sit in classes and imbibe whatever knowledge our facilitators are giving us.
It's been a hectic week:
Friday: walk-in applicant. primary interview. exam.
Saturday: job offer. contract signing.
Monday: start training.
Can anyone say Fast?
But it's cool. It's intimidating to say the least, especially for someone who hasn't been doing much of anything for the past couple of years except laze about in the house and write.
Speaking of writing... Illusion will have to be put on hold. At least until I can get a proper handle on what my schedule is going to be for the duration of my probationary period.
I was actually thinking of as soon as I don't feel like I could sleep for a month, then I'll think of sitting in front of the PC and write Illusion again. I am just thankful that Mildred hasn't been bugging me to write her part right now. For that matter, James my dear is being a very good boy and keeping quiet.
Did I mention that the computer in the house went kaput again?
Yup, so all my files went kaput as well. I can sympathize with you Feifu! Terrible. But good thing I uploaded my back-up files in my briefcase.
I actually am home right now, right as I am writing this. I suppose I could have used the PC at the office but I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. I mean, I can browse whatever sites I usually browse there and check my emails but writing out my thoughts in my blog... it's just not my thing. I'll wait until I can get somewhere a bit more... not officey, like at home or at a Net cafe or something.
So far, it's been good. And tiring. I won't deny that. It's a bloody hassle having to commute! I want to have a place near the work place, so much more convenient than commuting, I tell you. Especially when my work really starts, and it's at graveyard!
hehehe reminds me of Anna hehehe ^__^;; wish I had a James.
So Feifu, how's James-like doing? hehehe And then you suddenly find out that he's reading your blog ^__^;; oh my...
Saint, I'm game to meet the guy. Of course I'm game! You recommended him! hehehe and it helps that you say he looks like Johnny Depp. I'm kinda curious though as to why you said that we'll get along better.
But the thing is, Saint, that I don't know when I can meet with him, and you for that matter; my schedule's a bit wacky at the moment. As soon as it settles down, I'll let you know.
And Saint, does this mean we won't be roommates any time soon? *pout*
Tin, I'm sorry I couldn't go with you on Sunday to see a movie ^__^;; I suddenly decided to go home. I really need some place to rest where I know I can really sleep in and just be. We'll watch a movie soon, I promise. And don't forget about that song for David you said you'll write a story for, alright? As long as you study and handle your thesis first, of course.
Who else reads my blog anyway?
To whom it may concern, I hope you have a great time in my blog. And don't hesitate to email me your comments.
See yah!
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Oh dear God, I am obsessing about my nail again! The middle one of my left hand, the one that I got too eager in cleaning, in getting that little bit of dirt from. So now it's kinda... erh... deep and it's bloody obvious that something's wrong about it.
Damn. Antony Bourdain. At least, that's how I think his name is spelled. The TV cook, host, published author. He's kinda cute. Yeah he's old and a cynic and has a potty mouth. He's honest about what he wants and what he doesn't like.
Argh, my nail, my nail, my nail...!
How do I get it back to normal?! Argh, not bloody likely anymore, coz the nail itself if kinda loosened from the skin. It is so sad that this particular topic has been on my mind for the past few days since I noticed it again. I hate this OC side, but damn it, I can't stop thinking about it!
At the very least, now I'm not thinking of offing myself in the near future...
Argh, my nail, my nail, my nail...!
I saw bits of the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban movie trailer. hehehe ^_______^ so happy! Wai! Daniel Radcliffe!
I can be appeased so easily...
Hmm...
Damn, and my happy mood is gone. Just because I have my back turned on the television DOES NOT mean that I am not paying attention to the bloody show! It's a bloody commercial! Of course I'm not watching! I'm waiting for Antony Bourdain to appear!
Okay, where was I?
Right. Think Daniel Radcliffe and think happy thoughts and I'm happy.
I miss writing James and Anna, but I can't just ignore my other characters. I have to write from the others' perspective, because that's the way the Illusion is made. That's the way I made Illusion, so I have to stick with it. I guess I kinda got spoiled when I wrote Chapter 12 and the I'll Be songfics, coz they're written from their perspective.
I'm getting ready to delve into Chapter 13 and 14 and the rest right now; I have to psych myself up to write them, coz there are a lot of conflicts coming up. I can't kid myself anymore into thinking that Illusion is just a short story with chapters; it's a novel with chapters.
Same difference, right?
*shakes head* I'm doomed.
Deep fried cheesecake? Deep fried cheese curds?
...I gotta enjoy the writing process again...
Oh yeah, I cut my left ring finger on a rather sharp object -- no, it's not a knife -- but rather the ragged edge of the handle of my closet; it was broken off. It's at the side, almost cutting through the nail.
And talking about nail/hand injuries, the thumb of my left hand was the first casualty... aside from the middle finger nail but I think I've exhausted that topic. Anyway, that thing/guard at the side of your nail -- is than even the cuticle? -- anyway, there was a bit hanging off and when I stuck my hand into my pocket, it snagged and tore. Man did that hurt! It also bled but not too much. It freaking hurt though.
Damn. Antony Bourdain. At least, that's how I think his name is spelled. The TV cook, host, published author. He's kinda cute. Yeah he's old and a cynic and has a potty mouth. He's honest about what he wants and what he doesn't like.
Argh, my nail, my nail, my nail...!
How do I get it back to normal?! Argh, not bloody likely anymore, coz the nail itself if kinda loosened from the skin. It is so sad that this particular topic has been on my mind for the past few days since I noticed it again. I hate this OC side, but damn it, I can't stop thinking about it!
At the very least, now I'm not thinking of offing myself in the near future...
Argh, my nail, my nail, my nail...!
I saw bits of the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban movie trailer. hehehe ^_______^ so happy! Wai! Daniel Radcliffe!
I can be appeased so easily...
Hmm...
Damn, and my happy mood is gone. Just because I have my back turned on the television DOES NOT mean that I am not paying attention to the bloody show! It's a bloody commercial! Of course I'm not watching! I'm waiting for Antony Bourdain to appear!
Okay, where was I?
Right. Think Daniel Radcliffe and think happy thoughts and I'm happy.
I miss writing James and Anna, but I can't just ignore my other characters. I have to write from the others' perspective, because that's the way the Illusion is made. That's the way I made Illusion, so I have to stick with it. I guess I kinda got spoiled when I wrote Chapter 12 and the I'll Be songfics, coz they're written from their perspective.
I'm getting ready to delve into Chapter 13 and 14 and the rest right now; I have to psych myself up to write them, coz there are a lot of conflicts coming up. I can't kid myself anymore into thinking that Illusion is just a short story with chapters; it's a novel with chapters.
Same difference, right?
*shakes head* I'm doomed.
Deep fried cheesecake? Deep fried cheese curds?
...I gotta enjoy the writing process again...
Oh yeah, I cut my left ring finger on a rather sharp object -- no, it's not a knife -- but rather the ragged edge of the handle of my closet; it was broken off. It's at the side, almost cutting through the nail.
And talking about nail/hand injuries, the thumb of my left hand was the first casualty... aside from the middle finger nail but I think I've exhausted that topic. Anyway, that thing/guard at the side of your nail -- is than even the cuticle? -- anyway, there was a bit hanging off and when I stuck my hand into my pocket, it snagged and tore. Man did that hurt! It also bled but not too much. It freaking hurt though.