Funny, just a few hours ago, I felt like it would be a great idea to just end everything. I mean, how do you go on when you know that you're just an added baggage to the rest of the people around you?

Just last night, I was running my nails (and they're quite long now) across my wrist, across my pulse. I was actually hoping to see blood! hehehe When that failed, I scratched the back of my wrist -- only one nail managed to sink through enough to cause a scratch. It hurt, actually.

hehehe

So what brought this on again?

Feeling as though your life is not your own, that decisions that should really only concern you and should be made by you are being done by other people, that the things that you've been told since you've been little are just coming into fruition as according to other people.

Small things like that.

It's only been now after a few hours of alone time in front of the computer doing stuff that I like doing that I've calmed down. That and screaming out a few lines of a Linkin Park song; I love that band.

Megalomaniac helped as well.

Dang, I had a list last night...

useless, excess baggage, naive, helpless, hopeless, can't do anything for yourself, stupid, idiot, ugly, fat, bad influence, always in need of supervision, pathetic

I have half a mind to email someone to lend me money so I could get away from here.

Wanna know a secret?

I've never been free. It's never been just "me" coz it's always been "us" and it's stifling at times. Escape is always a happy thought, and that's ANY kind of escape. I thought I could have achieved that when I got the job, but I didn't, coz, lo and behold! It's not just me who has the job, but us who has the job.

Wonderful.

Just bloody wonderful.

I could have touched on this topic a number of times already, but don't expect for this to end any time soon.

Why not break free? On my own?

Refer to the list above.

Even if I did, they would always find a way to make me feel that, and thus I fall under their auspices again.

And of course, let's not forget that any and all of my interests automatically become their interests as well. I can't laugh at anything or comment on anything without there being a question: What're you laughing at? delivered in the tone that indicates that they'll probably laugh at it as well.

It's such a bloody wonderful world, ne?

Somebody kill me. Please.

This is one of the other reasons that I love Japanese songs: when I sing along with the songs, no one can sing along with me, coz they don't know the words of the song. Marry me Gackt!! I'll be your nth concubine if you want!

When you let go of the remote control for the television, you bid farewell to what you're watching. Period.

Is it healthy to be concerned about sex?

Maybe it's just that there'd been 2 weddings here at my place, but have you guys ever wondered what it would be like for you? The wedding I mean... Well, okay, we can insert sex talk if you want... hehehe