I feel like I've just woken up from a semi-deep sleep.

It's like, I'm aware of what I've been doing but at the same time, I'm viewing it through a lens and am not really there, in my life, living my life.

Weird?

Yeah, guess it is.

Maybe I just need more sleep? Or maybe I just woke up.

Maybe I just need to think more on what I'm going to do with the rest of my life... Okay, so maybe the rest of my life is just too long a time to contemplate, so we'll scale that down to the next five years. Give or take a few years if I don't follow through with that killing myself off thing in the next five or so years.

Anyway, I think that was just the fear of getting old and useless kicking in when I made that promise to myself. Who wants to be old and useless? I'd rather be dead than litter the already littered world with my useless hide.

Now, if people could just make themselves useful, this wouldn't be such a bad place to be in.

It's way early in the morning and I have a somewhat toxic exam coming up on Tuesday that I have to study for. Don't know what my classmates were thinking, scheduling the exams this way in this instance. So we have 4 subjects left over from the previous exam of Module 10, and they wanted to do that on Tuesday as well with the scheduled exam of the whole Module 11? Geez, did warn them though. Asked them if they wouldn't be too burdened by that, but did they see my point? Of course not! So being the kind and mature class prez that I am, we held a vote and majority won, which meant we will be having the exams on Tuesday.

I know I can handle this, I don't know if they can. I mean, I have my relatively recent college years to fall back on, and I know I can do this coz I've done it before, having a really toxic day wherein all your professors want them to be your one and only priority and thus schedule all their requirements to be turned in that day and exams to be taken that day as well. So maybe in college all I had to deal with were social and philosophical issues, and I'm dealing with medical ones this time around. It's the principle of the thing though.

I can do this and I will do this.

Especially since I so bombed the previous exam. Geez, below the passing 75%! Seven out of ten? SIX out of ten? That's gotta be my lowest so far... Oh yeah, I have a three out of five, which is worse. Thank the gods I don't have anything below those scores.

Midterms results are back! Flunked Surgical Procedures (6/10), but I perfected Anatomy and Physiology, Laboratory Medicine, Pharmacology, and Professional Issues.

hehehe

My reward to myself: SLEEP.