argh

can't think of anything else that could encompass what's inside my head at the moment. it's bloody scary sometimes. can i really do that? like, separate myself from my consciousness and be someone else?

i had another thought induced dream of a sort. it sort of reminded me in college when i was asked to portray a schizophrenic (sp?) well, schizo, in a class presentation. all my groupmates told me to do was to pretend someone was telling me such and such in my head and that i had to reply aloud. i found it terribly easy.

but heck, who hasn't voices in their heads?

so to this thought induced dream... in it i have no clear idea if i was pretending or if it was real, but i was, in technical terms, a whacko. a crazy. that sort of person. it felt like a split personality but i couldn't confirm if it was a multiple even. at times i felt i was faking it, but other times it felt so damned real.

everyone's got the propensity to be such.

so i was playing this doctor to release me coz i've been such a good girl and hadn't tried to hurt myself or anyone for that matter, in a really long time. i guess that was the reason i was put in the institution in the first place -- i had either hurt someone or killed someone and proven in court to be criminally insane.

so anyone, this doctor, he's trying to be fair and listens to me but at the same time he has to consult with the higher-ups and my record. but he did let me go out to the courtyard more often than before.

i think.

but i can't remember anymore.

there are dreams that i remember and those that i do not. i even know of a time when i was speaking out loud in my sleep but at the same time i knew i was dreaming.

why can't i remember my dreams properly these days?

oh yeah, i'm a vampire so my bloody body clock is shot to pieces and i am not normal.