nostalgia

Once I got it in my head that maybe I should look up old friends and classmates, I really go for it. What I wasn't expecting was to get hit with this severe case of nostalgia for days gone past, for actions that should have been and not have been, regrets, memories...

Heck, seeing most of them married and/or (mostly and) with children, it gets one thinking. It really gets one thinking...

I have no idea where this sudden compulsion to look up old friends and classmates came from, but I really hope that some good comes out of this. I'm really hoping to reconnect with the people in the outside world. As it is, I feel like I'm trapped in this existence. Heck, my schedule usually just calls for me to go to work, go home, play a bit of travian, watch a bit of TV, eat, sleep. Repeat ad infinitum ad nauseum. It's bloody boring. Sure I can go out but what's the fun in that if you're alone?

I've got nothing against being alone. With the way my life is going, I might as well get used to being alone, what with my (retarded and underdeveloped) social IQ and emotional IQ and sense of self. Even though I keep telling myself that I'm good at where I am, that I'm content... it's not effing true. I'm just forcing myself to believe that so I won't be the object of pity, either by my id, ego, superego, or other people. It's the one thing that I hate being, and I can't help but be pitiful in my current state of self.

Sometimes, you really just want to have someone right there with you as you experience life and all it's trials and tribulations and successes and accomplishments. Sometimes, you just want to have someone hold you as you think. Hugging a stuffed toy can only hold you for so long, and even that gets old really fast.