same old

It's disconcerting to know that I am absolutely useless with the spoken word. I can speak but I cannot speak well to save my life! I prefer the written word. At least when I write I know how to be eloquent and get my point across without fumbling.

nostalgia

Once I got it in my head that maybe I should look up old friends and classmates, I really go for it. What I wasn't expecting was to get hit with this severe case of nostalgia for days gone past, for actions that should have been and not have been, regrets, memories...

Heck, seeing most of them married and/or (mostly and) with children, it gets one thinking. It really gets one thinking...

I have no idea where this sudden compulsion to look up old friends and classmates came from, but I really hope that some good comes out of this. I'm really hoping to reconnect with the people in the outside world. As it is, I feel like I'm trapped in this existence. Heck, my schedule usually just calls for me to go to work, go home, play a bit of travian, watch a bit of TV, eat, sleep. Repeat ad infinitum ad nauseum. It's bloody boring. Sure I can go out but what's the fun in that if you're alone?

I've got nothing against being alone. With the way my life is going, I might as well get used to being alone, what with my (retarded and underdeveloped) social IQ and emotional IQ and sense of self. Even though I keep telling myself that I'm good at where I am, that I'm content... it's not effing true. I'm just forcing myself to believe that so I won't be the object of pity, either by my id, ego, superego, or other people. It's the one thing that I hate being, and I can't help but be pitiful in my current state of self.

Sometimes, you really just want to have someone right there with you as you experience life and all it's trials and tribulations and successes and accomplishments. Sometimes, you just want to have someone hold you as you think. Hugging a stuffed toy can only hold you for so long, and even that gets old really fast.

suddenly

I was feeling somewhat giddy last night -- doing double shifts can do that to you, I gather -- and I did what an officemate suggested and looked up someone, a friend from college, that maybe I was interested in. At one point I thought he was too but let's just say that society's mores got into my head and that's that. So I looked him up -- it's really a wonder what you can do with the internet -- and I got a sudden dose of depression.

He's effing married.

Gods. I thought it wouldn't be serious when he started going out with her but apparently, I was wrong. And yes I know it's the same girl he went out with that he married.

Bloody social mores. I am never listening to them again.

I wanna fly!

See? I'm not gone! It's the second time that I've updated in a week! Or less than a week. But heck, I can't sleep even though I have work later tonight. It's rest day overtime coz of our increased workload since October. I think they missed me when I went to HK hehehe

Ah well, tis the season to be happy anyway, right? Christmas and everything that goes hohoho and bah hunbug. Oh wait, bah humbug is for later when you feel bloated and fat.