He’s DEAD!!

Today, 03 February 2006, my beloved companion for the past 6 months expired *sniffle*hiccup*sniffle* The event occurred 2 days ago when normal waking procedures wouldn’t rouse him. It was most distressing and upsetting; I am still not over the shock. Today is the day that a semi-official call has been made on the manner of his expiration.

The bloody blighter conked out on me!

If he was still alive and well, I’d kill him myself!

He is the most inconsiderate evil thing to leave me in a lurch like this! Just when I was getting on a hold on things… bloody effing bastard died!

hmph

Now I’ve really got to find work so I can replace him. Damn it, it costs an arm and a leg – MY arm and MY leg, at that – and I can’t afford that! Right now. Maybe when I get a job and a nice enough salary – not like the one they were offering at that company that I said no thanks to – maybe I can replace him in a year or so. Damn it, and I just getting used to him.

Wonder who I can con?

Who am I kidding? I can’t con anyone – I’m bloody transparent!

Speaking of which, I took an exam for this other company, and it took me almost the whole day to finish! See, I got there a few minutes before 10AM, which was the time they said I was to get there to start the exam. So, they had me fill out their application form – gah, can’t they make it in double space? – and after which, the secretary gave me a 2-inch thick ring binder. Hah! There were two tests – set A and set B – in the ring binder, about 400 items all in all, dealing with emotional intelligence. Then there were the other test papers – sentence completion and essay type, personality traits, English and Math, medical terms and proofreading, and then the transcription files, 3 of them.

Are you seeing the pattern here?

There were a lot more psychobabble in the series of tests than medical terms! The owner was there, who by the way, was just a touch noisy when he came in, never mind that there were 5 of us taking the exam and there were MTs working in the office, and he said that he believes that the skills needed to be an MT can be taught but that the personality of the person was already there. Is he just checking us if we have any violent tendencies? Coz in the personality traits thing, I came out as melancholy; there wasn’t a hint of schizophrenia there, much to my dismay. I could have rigged it so it came out that way ^__^

Where was I?

Oh yeah, I was depressed about the recent passing of my beloved companion. Was I really depressed? Yes, I was. I was depressed enough that I took myself to the cinema and watched a movie. Can’t say I was uplifted by the experience, since I got the feeling that you have to be familiar with the milieu so you could better appreciate the movie.

I watched Blood Rayne. It’s a game, right? And it’s about this demfir (sp?) or half-vampire. How do you become a half-vampire anyway? Vampires are dead. They have to be dead to be considered a vampire, since siring one usually means the sire sucks all the living blood out of his child and then gives him some of his undead blood, which would reanimate him enough so he could be a vampire. Right? Being as vampires are dead, i.e. they don’t have normal living organs and tissues and cells, ergo no eggs or sperms live enough for procreation, how do they make half-vampires?

It’s one way for population control anyway.

The acting could have been a lot better. The lines could have been better. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy the blood and gore, coz there were a lot, but sometimes, there wasn’t enough. Know what I mean? Wicked swords though; Rayne’s weapons were nice. Loken was certainly statuesque enough for the role. “Sebastian” was cute enough. I thought Billy Zane was funny as this vampire who wanted to wrest control from Kagan; I think he was killed by Kagan’s underling. “Kagan” was old-world finesse; Ben Kingsley fought well with the sword, traditional fencing but it worked for him.

I actually had other choices for the movie. I could have seen Proof or Zathuria, or I could have watched Narnia again! Nah, don’t want to do that; I’ll just wait for the CD, then I can watch it over and over and over again. I really dug Aslan’s fur and the way his body moved, not to mention the oldest boy of the siblings ^__^ I still want the book though.

Proof, I felt was too much of a thinking movie for my frame of mind since I just wanted to forget about that bloody effing bastard leaving me. I wouldn’t mind seeing it though. Zathuria, in the meantime, felt too something, and since I already know what Jumanji’s about, it just didn’t feel right to watch something that was similar to it. I don’t know, maybe if I watched it with some kids, I could appreciate it – or not.

Half of me is expecting to go out with a friend of mine while I’m home, since I told her we definitely would go out when I came home, but the other half is dreading going out with her since that usually means her kids would come along too. Not that I don’t like her kids – I’m her daughter’s godmother for crying out loud – but it’s just too tiring and not at all relaxing by any stretch of the imagination to have to trail after two kids. Isn’t the point of going out with your friends to relax?

I was thinking about kids a while ago. My kids, to be exact. No, I am not pregnant. I would have to have unprotected sex at a certain time of the month for that to happen, and since I haven’t and since I don’t think there’s an immaculate conception happening anytime soon to me… so there. Anyway, I was thinking about kids, and I was wondering what sort of mother I would be, if I had kids, that is. Would I be strict or would I be lenient? Would I spank them or would I go more the route of explanation? Would I nag?

What in the name of heaven do I know about raising kids anyway? Sure I’ve been around babies and toddlers and young children, seeing as I have nephews and nieces, and I’ve seen how their mothers have raised them, but I’m not with them 24/7 during their formative years.

I think I’m freaking myself out for no reason at all. Okay, stopping now. It’ll come to me when and if it comes to me. Can’t really force myself to have kids, now, can I?

I have this quirk that I can’t sleep well when there’s someone else in the bed with me. I just can’t bear the thought that someone is sharing my space in sleep, the time when one is most vulnerable. I don’t trust easy, don’t I? Or maybe I’m just selective on who I’ll share my bed with. Gah, I have to share the bed with my sister while she’s staying at the house. I’m really tempted to sleep downstairs as I really can’t sleep well. Half my consciousness is focused on not moving at all so I don’t roll over to her side and the other half is on not letting her roll over to my side. Quite tiring.

Saint! Need another roommate? I’m available! Erh, when I have a salary, that is.

I’m watching this relatively new show in Travel and Living Asia called Project Runway. The host is Heidi Klum, and it’s a competition for designers. Then there’s America’s Next Top Model and Rockstar: INXS in Channel V. In the latter, I know JD Fortune already won, but I like seeing how he made it.

I’m restless when I’m without him. I suddenly get ideas I want to try out, things I want to say, stuff I want to do, but since he’s gone, I can’t very well do them. I guess I am dependent on him.

I’m going to miss him.