How painful is it to cut oneself?

I just have to remember that... heck, what do I need to remember? Oh yeah, that I'm invisible unless I am called upon so anything that is said about me in my "presence" is not heard.

Right be invisible and hear nothing.

Be nothing, hear nothing, say nothing, feel nothing.

Except that I am starting to get very, very, very irritated.

Puñemas, ibinibida na naman ako kung kani-kanino... puñeta talaga!

Argh! If I could only bloody well curse out loud in this house...!

Breathing is essential to life. I know.

Breathing is important, and damn but I have to breathe.

One important thing rap music can do for me is that it covers up any conversation going on in my presence about me and about my family that really shouldn't be discussed with outsiders.

Goddamnit but I'm starting to get angry!

Right, breathing... inhale, exhale, breathe.

I have got to use my earphones a lot oftener. But then, it'll prevent me from listening to my favorite television shows.

People are bad.

Are friends supposed to dictate to you what you have to do in your own life? Do they have a "say" in all your decisions?

Somebody kill me now.

But dang, two years... yeah, remember the two years... Two years or more is a lot better than nine years or more, that's for damn sure.

Tapos sa akin din ikukwento kung ano yung pinag-usapan nila. Pakialam ko ba sa buhay nya? Hindi naman importante sa akin yun. Di naman umiikot dun buhay ko, puñeta!

I have GOT to breathe...

Cutting myself to see myself bleed. I've thought of that. I am thinking of that. I am considering that.

It's going to hurt. Dang.

It's more convenient to talk about myself in this instance rather than rant about what I want to rant about becaue it's easier to get out what I am currently feeling rather than write ARGH every other word.

That's how infuriated I am right now.

I can't get the words out.

I can't breathe. My chest is constricting.

I need to breathe.

I want to hit my head on the cement wall. Tried it before, dazed me a bit.

Blood is beautiful.

Tapos yung mga kwento about me is always taken out of context. Walang magagawa, ibinibida ako e, e di dapat laging in good light pati sya.

Puñeta lang talaga.

Lahat na lang ng ginawa ko at sinabi ko, naka-broadcast sa lahat ng mga kaibigan nya.

Puñeta lang talaga.


This is the first post I have in the vernacular.

Huh, curious. I guess I am really irritated.