12 February 2003

Independence... That's one of the topics that I wanted to explore. The other one's a bit light-hearted so I'll leave that for later. This is probably one of those times that I feel like I'm maintaining a journal of essays.

Anyway... Independence. That's a big word in and of itself. It connotes freedom and autonomy; being independent means one is turned loose from parental guardianship and can make one's own way. There's no one that can tell you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Freedom, independence, autonomy.

Such wonderful words.

What brought this on? Something that happened. The long and short of it is that I want to be on my own again, though for real this time. I know that's difficult to do but heck, I feel like I'm inside a jar here with the expiration date looming in, for all the things that I can do.

There are a lot of things that I want to do -- mainly to acquire things that may or may not be considered important but that's beside the point -- and I can't do that unless I can reclaim my independence. Well, the real kind anyway, since I can hardly call the time when I was away in University as true independence since I depended on the family for my finances.

Basically, I want a good paying job, somewhere in the Metropolis so I wouldn't have to be trapped here for the rest of my life. It's not that bad here... if you want the life that this place can offer... which isn't much in my point of view. But maybe if I didn't have the opportunity to explore the lands beyond the boundaries, I wouldn't be craving for that lands again. I had a taste of it and I want it again.

The problem is getting there again. While going the academic route would be ideal, I don't think it'll fly here. Then again there is that -- striking a balance between what is acceptable to both parties.

As I said before, there is no security in this world... but other than what you can provide for thineself.

For that matter, you can't depend on anyone else aside from yourself. That's one of the things that I want to live by -- don't depend on anyone else -- especially, don't trust what other people say they can and will do for you until you see the results. Like just this morning, I was supposed to go with someone to the dressmakers but no, that someone just upped and went with nary a hi-ho. Then again, I can always blame myself for not remembering that cardinal rule and for not remembering that promises aren't what they're used to be. Someone's word isn't as binding as it was before, when you can count on people to do as they said.

Gods, but I hate life.

...There I go again... But there ain't no Carlos this time to check up on me since I can't bloody well dump this on him after... well, after I did the same to him some time ago. I really miss those times with him and the rest of the block when everything seemed so simple even when I didn't really belong.

Hn. I need a break.

[said break is Illusion]


Need happy thoughts... hmm... oh yeah... hehehe ^___^

Finally had the chance to get the translations of this manga I've been reading for a while now; it's Inuyasha by the way. *Spoilers ahead* KIKYO'S REALLY DEAD!! I'm so happy over that. Never midn that she could have been a better person when she was really alive, but from what I'd seen in the manga and in the animé I don't particularly care for her. It's a good thing that she finally expired.

So, this particular chapter that I'm in now is when the Naraku "purified" himself of the remaining purity in him and turned into a baby that Kagura carried around and killed a lot of monks and priests looking for the place between this world and the next, or something like that. This baby then in turn got halved -- one half went to Kanna and the other went to Kagura, and this half "grew up" and is now a young boy calling himself Hakudoushi. Only now instead of killing monks and priests, this boy now went about lopping off youkai's heads.

Kinda reminded me of Sleepy Hollow, which in turn reminded me of this cult or group that's operating in the place where I recently spent the weekend in. That was funny.

While Hakudoushi was beheading youkai to look into their minds for that place between this world and the next to locate the last of the Shikon no kakera, the headless horseman beheads particular people as commanded by the one who holds his head... this cult or group, I have no idea what their motivation is. Why the heck are they doing that?

Hakudoushi has a purpose, no matter how macabre it is he has a definite purpose for doing that. The headless horseman in Sleepy Hollow was following orders -- he was played by Christopher Walken right? Brilliant actor!

Purpose is important in understanding. Purpose is key. Once you have discovered your "opponent's" intentions, you can very well emerge victorious.

hehehe very confrontational, ne?

But that's just how it is...